Dissappointment is......

forgetting that you gave your co-worker permission to swap lunch hours with you. One more hour and then I can get an hour break from this place. I just realized there is only one week left to this month after Friday. That means I have less than two months to get Gavin and Phillips birthday party complete! Normally I wouldn't bother to stress about this stuff except that well Gavin will be 5 this year and it's a milestone birthday for him and Phil-do well let's face it he's gonna be 39 and the man is feeling his age. So we're having an April Fools birthday party complete with a fake cake, funny glasses, chinese finger traps, bug ice cubes and outdoor games. If you ask Gavin when his birthday is he'll tell it's April 4th but his party is on the 2nd. He's at that age where birthday's really matter so yeah this one has to be special..now let's hope I don't screw it up or drop the ball or dissappointment will be Gavin's little face when no one shows up to his party.

On to something different. I've been making friends..shocker I know..lol..but it's been nice getting to know two moms that live relativly close to us. I won't mention thier names because I don't have permission to but let's just say they are funny, quirky, and fun. It's really highlighted to me that unless i'm scheduling a playdate or just attending one that someone else has scheduled we really don't do impromtu stuff. I remember when my friends and I would just show up at each other's houses unannounced to just hang out, talk, maybe watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Gilmore Girls. It seems like as I've gotten older and had kids it's become unacceptable to just hang out at someone's house or have someone just come over and hang out at yours. I wonder why we've gotten to this place where we have to schedule a get together for our kids to play or for us to just hang out and talk. Don't get me wrong there are some nights when we are not available and just dropping by wouldn't work..and i'm sure it's the same for many of my parental friends...surely sometime, somewhere, one of us is sitting at home with nothing particular to do and wondering the same thing??? yes? no? maybe?

Weeds or Flowers?

My DH and I went to this relationship seminar on Sunday hosted by our church and it was called building self esteem in your relationships. We erronously thought it would be about building self esteem in a marriage but it was actually geared more toward parenting. Ok that's cool we can roll with it the guy teaching us this stuff was Dr. John Splinter and he has a PHD in Marriage and family counseling so we think he knows his stuff...lol. Dr.John..and yes I love saying that..lol...made some very good suggestions but something he said that really struck a nerve for Phillip and I was that in life what you see is what you get ALL THE TIME! What he meant was that if you see weeds (crabby, irritable, irrascible,outlook)then that's what you'll get out of people all the time (Pessissmist). If your outlook is flowers (pretty, soft, kind, interesting)then that's what you get out of people all the time (Optimist). It doesn't mean you'll won't have a bad day but that you are less likely to have a bad day when you are an optimist. So his point was that we as parents tend to draw out of our children what we see in them. This was particularly helpful in the fact that my bonus daughter is a serious, hardcore, pessismist, everything she does or says is negative and i've often wondered why she can't see the good in something. Dr. John used his own daughter as an example of what he was talking about and he said: She was obstinate and stubborn and fiesty and competitive...you know all the things I as her father am. In short we're exactly alike personality wise and I was taking this class on positive reinforcement and I thought hmm well it's worth a shot. So at night for the bedtime routine instead of arguing with her and engaging in a power struggle with her I instead began to try putting this positive reinforcement into play. Rather than say "Gretchen it's time to take a bath" I'd say "Gretchen you are a really fast runner I bet you could beat me up the stairs!". So his point in a long and drawn out way of saying it is that our children will give us exactly what we expect of them. Does it mean you won't have to ever discipline your children again? No and he was very adamant that discipline is important but a funny thing happens when you use positive reinforcement..you find that your children WANT to please you and thus it makes discipline fewer and farther between. He mentioned that you could use this same principle to affect your other relationships. Such as with your spouse or at work or even at church.
Of course there was homework..lol..there is always homework at these things and we are doing this homework at our house as well. What you do is you take an index card and you draw a line straight down the middle, on one side you put a - and on the other side you put a +. Everyday you have to find five positive things to complement someone on in your house and for everyday that you succeed in this you give yourself a check mark in the + column. For everyday that you fall short of the five compliments you give yourself a check mark in the - column and IF you are honest with yourself at the end of the week you'll have a clear picture of whether or not you see weeds or flowers.
I really loved how he backed up everything he was saying with scripture as well. So if you are interested in the scripture he posted it was Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Fix these things in your mind and see these things in your children and you will begin to draw these things out of them.

Valentines and other drugs

So V-Day..the infamous day of Love. I gotta tell ya it's not one of my favorite holidays and until this year I really didn't consider it a holiday at all. It's fun no doubt but it just didn't rank up there for me ya know. So that got me to thinking about other holidays and why we celebrate them and the history of them..and you know what I found out. Valentines day is the only historically christian holiday celebrated by the secular world. yep it's true Easter (My personal favorite holiday)started out pagan as well as Christmas, Halloween and St.Patricks Day. St.Valentine was a christian martyr in Rome. So there ya have it V-Day is the only original christian holiday. It's still not my favorite holiday but this year it's actually been kind of fun. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly but this afternoon my DH and two sons surprised me at work with lunch and a little white jewel box they decorated complete with fake gems glued to the front and inside was a bunch of tootsie rolls.




It could be that my bonus daughter went out of her way to buy and decorate a valentines day card and then have the boys sign it to my hubby and I. Who knows the real reason why but today actually wasn't a bad day. V-day is still not my favorite holiday Easter will always reign supreme as the best holiday ever for me but as far as Valentines days go this one was pretty nice.

On to other drugs..today was chocolate day at the office. here's what I know about chocolate..it stinks when you cook it, if you eat too much of it it makes your tongue go all numb and feel gross, and if you put enough of it all together on the same table..it's like a cocaine overload. I'm thinking chocolate day not the best idea in an office full of women..but again this is from the woman that prefers candy corn or gummy bears.

Bad Habits and chewing gum

I have lots of bad habits. So many in fact that it would be impossible to list them all so I won't even try; instead i'm going to focus on my most recent bad habits. I know you're thinking "why brag about those?" well it's not bragging per se it's more of an accountability thing. For instance I noticed quite recently that every year during the month of February I have a tendancy to hibernate..as in don't leave my house for anything short of a fire kind of hibernate. This is a problem for me because I hate being stuck in the house in the first place and then it's compounded by the fact that it's cold outside and helllooo this girl has not lived this far north since she was like 4 years old. I've lived in the mountains of Nevada and that's as close to cold as it gets for me. I'm like a reptile I need heat! I need heat soaked concrete and sun warmed grass to survive I need it!!!! I manage to hang on through December and January but by February my patience has run out and I'm in desperate need of 60 degree and highter days. It's not true what they say us fat people are not insulated for the cold and we're not so jolly during the month of February. So part of my desperate need for heat is my bad habit to let my desperation flavor everything I do. I try, I swear I do, to engage and be active and get out of the house during this month and every year I fail. I just can't make myself do it. I'm also grouchy and touchy and sensitive and and a whole lot less patient. It's not a good combo folks and i'm not a pleasant person to be around unless I have my crutches. That leads me to my other bad habit and that's chewing gum. Ever since I quit smoking six years ago I have picked up the bad habit of chewing gum. I chew it no matter where I am no matter what the setting is. I'm not totally up on my etiquett but pretty sure chewing gum and popping it during meetings or when some overbearing parent is breathing down my neck is not acceptable behavior. I really liked smoking..so giving it up to have kids was hard and replacing it with chewing gum was ok at first but now it's a problem. I pop my gum all the time..it's not enough to chew it I have to pop it and play with it to occupy my mouth. At this very moment i'm chewing some dessert gum from Extra that is awesome but am I just chewing it? Oh no i'm popping it at my desk at work which is pretty annoying for my coworker. You know what else is gross that I complain about and then caught myself doing..when people chew over the phone..um hello can you finish eating or spit out the gum long enough to have a phone conversation? I don't care to hear what the inside of your mouth sounds like over the phone..and then today I caught myself doing it..GASP the horror...I was pretty ashamed...but did I spit out my gum? Nope I just kept right on chewing..it was a fresh peice ok.
So I chew gum to keep from smoking. I only feel like smoking when i'm stressed out and i'm pretty much stressed the entire month of February that's like 28 days of some serious gum chewing, bad attitude having, hibernating resisting, cabin fever crazy mama.
I'd ask you what you do to beat the winter blues but honestly let's face I don't really care at this time of year.

Cabin Fever!!!!

I'm sooo sick of the snow! I'm sick of being stuck in my house because it's too cold and wet and yucky outside to play my kids and I have had it. My boys have run out of things to occupy themselves and Ms.A is well she's a teenager and while she enjoys the sleeping in part she doesn't appreciate the chores and boredom..truthfully neither do I. I'm even willing to brave the mall with two hyper active boys just to get a change of scenery. It's insane how much snow and ice is on the ground and to top it off more is on the way tonight and into next week. We're going to get buried here and the only consolation I have is that well my house will be so clean and organized there will be no need for spring cleaning should spring ever decide to return to the frozen tundra that is St.Louis. I need warm sunny days and cool breezes that refresh rather than frost. I need in short a vacation from the frigid weather. I need dear reader...a week or two in Louisiana or Florida i'm not that picky I just know they have better food in Louisiana...and my family is there. So yeah lets all take a moment to dream of warm coastal winds and moderate climates where you never need a heavy coat or snowpants..where the "white stuff" is a referance to cocaine and not snow. Where the seafood is fresh and clean and succulent and won't cost you an arm and leg to get and where the fresh open air markets are brimming with tropical fruits and sugar cane. Ahhh yes Louisiana home of the Creole and the Cajun where we celebrate our food as much if not more than our faith. Where you can walk along the Mississippi and see the barges and river boats coming and going while impromptu jazz and blues muscicians strike up a tune at any given time. A place that likes to meander along life's pathways and where the air is so heavy and thick the perfume of the many blossoms hangs thick along the sidewalks and trolley lines. There's no other place like it on the planet we speak our own language there and we like to observe the gentler manners of a by gone time. We love our history and our etiquette and our Saints both the football team and the catholic ones. If I close my eyes I can almost see it and feel it...course in St.Louis i've gotta sit real close to the heater vents to feel it.
Oh well it's getting late and the natives are restless..looks like it's back to cabin fever and the frozen tundra of St.Louis. bleh..guess I better go make dinner.

The price we pay.

Everyday in our lives we are forced to make decisions, some of them are snap decisions, some of them are "no brainers" and some of them are difficult. I had a philosphy professor tell me one time that in all things and in all situations we have a choice the choices may be between bad and worse but they are still choices we make. There are times in our lives where it seems as if we have no choice or that our choices are taken from us by others more powerful but this is not true. When we examine the situation we see that we do have a choice. In another online group that I belong too one that has always been very open and tolerant of other peoples differences we discussed this idea of choice. As parents in a capitalist society our choices are different from those in a communist or socialist one and we tend to have a sense of ownership over all of our choices whereas in a socialist or communist country much of your choices are made for you by the government. Fundamentally those parents still have a choice they can choose to defy the government or to lobby and work within the established system to enact the changes they seek. This is true of American parents as well and more so because we live and breath in a country founded on basic human rights and principles. We are taught that our government exists for us and that we are in charge of making it work or not work through the system of voting. Why then do so many American parents feel as if thier choices have been limited or in some cases removed by the same government that is in place to serve us? I've given the matter considerable thought and I come to the same conclusion everytime, When a government by the people and for the people grows larger than the people in question it no longer exists for them rather it dictates to them and the people are to blame for allowing the checks and balances to be removed with little to no consequences. I can remember being 17 and my birthday falling a few weeks after the presidential election. I was devestated because so badly I wanted to participate in my first MAJOR election. I spent months before hand reading all the voting records of the candidates and examining their platforms and watching thier debates all in preparation of this monumental right of passage into adulthood. You can imagine my dissappointment when i found out i was not going to be old enough in time to vote. It never occurred to me that other teenagers were out with thier friends talking about boys or sports or fashion or other high school drama. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was going on but I tend to have tunnel vision when it comes to my own obsessions. I'm sure I bored my friends to death with talks about politics in the months leading up to the election and i'm just as equally sure they thought i was weird for being upset at not being able to vote. It would have been equally as hard for me to explain to them why it was so important to me. My mothers family is from what used to be communist Germany, that's right before the Berlin wall came down and I can remember very distinctly my PaPa Bricka telling me stories of what it was like to grow up in Communist Germany and what Germany had been like during World War 2 where he was forced to serve in the Nazi Regime. My PaPa Bricka, whether it was his intention to or not, left a very impressionable child with a very great respect for our capitalist system. He told me of how dangerous it was for him to sneak his wife and my Granny out of communist Germany and how he almost lost his life doing it. He told me how when the Nazi's were brought down how happy and relieved he was to be let go only to return home to find that Russia would not be in charge of them and that things would be equally as bad under Russian law as was under Hitler. Dear reader can you imagine what kinds of choices a parent must make in those situations? How does a father choose between oppression or death? How do a husband and wife choose make the decision to risk it all and I mean all because if you were caught they would shoot you on sight to smuggle themselves and thier children out of thier home country? Choose: bad or worse? My PaPa Bricka was a devout Lutheran he and his wife my Great Grandmama made the bravest choice and trusted that the Lord would protect them and thier children. Obviously they made it to West Germany and from there defected to the United States and sought asylum here. They could have stayed in West Germany but they wanted thier children to grow up in a free country not under the shadow and threat of communism. We parents here in the Unites States often take our freedoms for granted and sadly as is the case we demand more privledges and more freedom than we are responsible enough to handle and when we can't handle what we've asked for we turn to our govenment to fix it. Less and less I see people of all ages growing more and more lax in the voting and more and more determined to just "let the government fix it" we all seem to have forgotten along the way that WE are the government and on our shoulders rests the responsability for it.
We argue over who should get what and whose entitled to which priviledge but the constitution says we have only the right to PURSUE Happiness it does not garuntee that we will be given it. It says that we have the right to Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.A redress of grievances..do we not as parents have grievances about our educational system and yet do we make a petition to the government to adress these grievances? I say no we leave it to lawyers and judges and politicians who have do not have the same concerns we do and; in my opinion; do not make an impassioned petition on our behalf. We see groups of ordinary normale everyday people come together in Washington to make a statement such as the Million Man March and the Tea Party and do we do come together to do the same for our children future? No we do not instead we spend endless hours spinning our wheels accusing this faction or that one for the miserable state we find our public education system. Where is the million mom and dad march? Where is the Parents as Teachers Party? Why have we not stood up in force and made ourselves heard to the highest echelon of our land? We all have our reasons for being 'too busy' we have jobs we can't leave, we have children to tend to and homes to keep and husbands and wives to placate but when will we run out of excuses and reasons? When will we make the hard choice the unpopular choice to stand and be heard and fight the impossible fight for our children's sake? When will we stop blaming the rich or the welfare poor or the government for bieng what they are and start taking back the control we have so willingly given up?
I realize dear reader that my opinions are harsh and that you may take offense to much of what I have had to say here tonight in this blog. I also understand that you may dislike me after reading this and that you may not share my opinions but you know what that's O.K. because Thankfully we live in a country where we can be free to say and to believe and to practice what we choose without fear of imprisonment or loss of life. Isn't the Bill of Rights an amazing and wonderous work or reason and humanity! Vive La America!!!!!