The Naming (part 1)

"You know I think Gavin looks more like your side of the family as he gets older"

Imelda Bithiah looked up from the large tome she had been paging through to gaze lovingly at her two sons as they leaned over the board game in the ancient library. As always Gavin was chatting away at his more reserved younger brother Magnus while he pushed pieces around on the Risk game board. She watched her boys for a time and then said to her husband Adrastos Bethuel "yes he does resemble my family more but it is his nature that more closely resembles your own".
Adrastos contemplated his two sons and was once again struck by thier differences. No two children could be more different both in looks and personality. Gavin was small but fast and wiry. When Gavin was in the practice ring he was truly the White Hawk of battle as his name of power. Fast pretty much summed up Gavin. He did everything at breakneck speed with little to no regard for his own safety much to the chagrine of both his father Adrastos and his mother Imelda. Magnus on the other hand was more of a strategist he preferred to survey the entire battle and only once he had all the pertinent information was he inclined to make a move. This is why Magnus usually won at boardgames, Gavin simply didn't have the patience for the strategy. They were different in looks as well Gavin resembling more Imelda's side of the family with his thick blonde hair and huge hazel green eyes while Magnus resembled his fathers side of the family with his Dark curling hair fathomless brown eyes so brown they were almost black and his darker skin. One light and one dark. Polar opposites in just about every way except one, both boys were being trained to inherit the same legacy, that of the Circle.

The naming (Introduction)

My name is Magnus Jayce and while you might not think much of the name it holds a great amount of power for the one that bears it, namely me. All names have power whether the modern day man believes it or not. Ever wonder why it took so long to choose the name of your child? If names didn't matter or hold power people wouldn't care as much as they do. Even in this day and age of cellphones, laptops, and instant gratification there is a primal awareness that names are important, on some level every parent recognizes the power of a name, this is why there are so many books and websites dedicated to the project. Not just the sound but the meaning behind them is what draws parents to choose certain names. My parents know this better than most, they are the remenant of a long and ancient bloodline that knows intimatily the power of names. My family and other families like mine have stood guard over mankind for centuries. Ours is a hard and dangerous life but it is what we were literally born to do.
There are different reasons for a naming to occur but one thing that never changes is the ritual. The first name is chosen for power either good or evil and the second name is chosen for faith the third and final name can only be bestowed when the child has reached thier full potential in the Circle. As i've said my name is Magnus Jayce I have not reached the full outcome of my naming yet but I can feel that things are about to happen things that will bring me to the fullness of my NAME.

A home?

I've spent a lot of time since I had Gavin thinking about what makes a house a home. I mean I've never lived in a "house" but it's not like my siblings and I ever went around referring to our place of residence as a hotel/motel/campground/apartment. Yes we were like gypsy in that our "home" moved locations a lot. We traveled where my dads work was so sometimes our "home" was a motel and we lived there for about a week or two weeks and sometimes it was an apartment and we were there for months at a time. We switched school so much that I was always the "new kid in school". Don't feel sorry for me or though because I liked it. I viewed it as getting to 'reinvent myself' every time I moved. I would daydream and imagine what kind of person I wanted to be percieved as and then I would go for the gusto..of course none of us can truly ever leave our true nature behind us but it was fun to get to play someone else for a while.
The constant moving meant that many times my siblings and I had only each other to play with and only each other to confide in and it made us very close growing up. My point is that we didn't grow up in one single place or have friends that we met and made in kindergarten and moved through the grades with. This whole concept of a "lifelong" friend someone you meet as a child and stay friends with your WHOLE life is completly alien to me. It's a lot like trying to explain heaven to bears..while I might get the concept the true meaning escapes me. The closest thing I have to a lifelong friend is my friend Laurie. We met in the 7th grade and she clung to me like toxic mold until we best friends. I believe her exact words were "you will be my friend whether you like it or not" and like it or not she followed me everywhere until in truth we were best friends. Proving once again that persistance pays off..LOL. She is still my best friend and the closest thing I have to a "lifer" friend. We've been through just about everything together and most of it long distance and still we are best friends..so I guess the whole concept of being in one place your whole life is really scary to me. Yet.....it's an idea i've been kicking around.
I have kids and they have friends and I remember how in the beginning it was really hard for me to leave my friends behind everytime we moved until i learned to just not let people get that close because you would be leaving them. this is not a good trait to have. So I want a HOME and yet I'm at a loss as to how to describe exactly what that is. I realized that all this time i've been praying for a house and what I really wanted was a home. I was reading a fellow bloggers blog today and it just struck me that what I had been longing for what not made of brick and morter but of something much more substantial. I want a home..a home which I realized today means stability, safety, strength, laughter, love, CONTENTMENT..that last is in full caps because it escapes me the most and it's to me more essential than happiness. Happiness is fleeting but contentment is a more steady long lasting emotion. It's interesting how God brings about these epiphanies huh..lol. I have to say though that that epiphany did shake loose some other negative emotions I've been having lately and I realize that no matter where we physically reside whether it be an apartment, townhouse, condo, or a traditional family house brick and morter do not a home make.

Summer time and the Livin's not so easy.

I do this every year; I look forward to the coming of the summer and the kids being out of school. I start planning fun weekends with all the places and new things we want to do and try and then I just let the weeks and days slip right out of my fingers. Next thing you know it's almost time for the school year to start again and I spend the next few weeks playing catch up. This year I have to figure out how to enroll my teenage bonus daughter into school and get her registered in time plus buy all the necessary school supplies and I don't know if they require uniforms or not.Heck at this point I don't even know what school she's going to be going to and getting, you know who, to take care of business is like asking for the freaking world! On top of that I need to send in Gavin's preschool payment for September and and I am hoping to be starting a new job at the university. The kids want to camp out at Che Elizabeth's in the country and that weekend is fast approaching.
See catch up!!!! run, run, run, hurry, hurry, hurry.
We live an ADHD life my friends but...hey do you smell waffles??

Best Poem in the World

BEST POEM IN THE WORLD

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why is everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'

JUDGE NOT!!

Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a
Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.

Every saint has a PAST...
Every sinner has a FUTURE!
Now it's your turn... Share this poem.

They say that those who are not raised in a christian home but come to Christ later are less likely to take thier faith for granted. I don't know if that's true or not but i've seen examples of both. My mom was not raised christian, she was most decidedly not a christian when she met my dad or when she escaped her extremely abusive first marriage with my two sisters. My mom loves to tell people about how she was dyslexic and couldn't read and did poorly in school and then one day in a hotel with all of us kids the Lord put it on her heart to open one of those Gideon bibles and how all the words suddenly made sense and she could read them. For a long time she carried that Gideon bible around with her as proof that the Lord gave her the ability to read and how on that day she read about Jesus and his sacrifice for us and she gave her life to Christ. She also smoked, never when she was pregnant or nursing, but afterwards yeah she always went back to it and then one day the Holy Spirit told her to just stop. To hear her tell it she just put it down and never picked it up again..thereby proving the strength of the Holy Spirit to help us kick our habits. My mom used tell us stories all the time about how my two older sisters witnessed to her and how they would say things like "mom we really wish you would turn your life and heart to Christ" until, finally, one day she did. My mom has always been the source of spiritual strength in our family, the glue that held us all together in times of good and bad. In my moms case she came to Christ later and like the poem says ever sinner has a past and every saint a future. My mom eventually got her GED, went to a community college and on to LSU and now has a masters degree in Art Education. She loves being a teacher and even without a piece of paper she was always a fantastic teacher at home. She taught all of us how to read, write our names in print and cursive, and helped teach us how to think on different levels and to see all the possible outcomes. She was born to be a teacher she just took a few scenic detours getting there. Because of her difficulty with reading she was adamant that we be read to. We didn't have t.v. until i was almost 10 years old. We did frequent whatever library there was in whatever town we happened to be living in at the time. She read to us constantly but she made it entertaining and fun. Even today when I go to a library I get really excited and my stepdaughter shares that excitement and so does my 4 year old. it's like shopping without having to pay for anything. My point is that what my mother viewed as her shortcomings, no formal education, unable to read, and a host of others, she actively sought to eliminate those things from her childrens lives. My mom managed to raise 7 healthy, relativly well adjusted, educated children. All of us have a college education, all of us graduated with honors, and all of us owe it to my mothers diligence in that area. But my mom could not have done all that she did without the help of the holy trinity in her life. She raised to believe that the impossible was possible with the right frame of mind. She raised us to see opportunities instead of road blocks and always she taught us that it had to be God's will and not ours.
In my mothers case it was a faith born out of years of abuse and frustration that broke her down enough to accept the will and grace of God. In my case it was a lifelong induction to Christ. I can not remember a time when we didn't go to church, read the bible, or celebrate religious holidays. I used to have such a fire for Christ in my heart, he was first and foremost all the time. I led the youth group in high school, I was usually first to witness to my friends and the first music I listened to was christian. I sang in the church choir and so on and so forth. I would say that for most of my life Christ led my footsteps. But what no one knows is that as a child and especially as a teenager I suffered from depression. I would cry myself to sleep at night and had no idea why I was crying or what caused it. I was just sad and I always felt lonely and rejected. I would go long stretches at a time not leaving our apartment, hotel, motel, campground, wherever we happened to be living. I would stop going outside to play with my friends and I would just hole up inside and lose myself in books. One summer in particular sticks out in my mind. My best friend Abby Wright had rejected me to become friends with the new girl in our apartment complex. I was devestated it was the first time I had ever had a best friend, outside of family, and she had rejected me in a very cruel way. She had told the new girl that our family was poor and we used food stamps. That was all true but it hurt that she made me feel ashamed to be poor. After that she wasn't interested in being my friend unless it was to taunt me in front of the new girl. Soon after that school ended and I spent the entire summer inside our apartment either reading or doing chores. I wouldn't go outside and play no matter how much my younger sister begged me to and I wouldn't watch t.v. with them on family nights, I just wanted to be left alone to read. I think i knew, even then, even that young that there was something not right with my head but anytime I tried to tell my mom about it she told me I should just pray. The point is that I grew up in a loud, busy, noisy, family but I isolated myself as much as I could. It was not unusual to find me locked in the car with windows rolled up on and the doors locked just to be alone. Don't get me wrong I wasn't a total loner I had friends some of which are still my friends today but when I was at home i'd rather just be left alone so I could read.I was an exceptional student and I have a ton of awards from school to prove it. When other kids were lettering in sports I lettered in Academics, no lie I have the letterman jacket to prove it, I was a band geek, but I also played sports for fun. I was never going to be the best but I did get some court time. My point is that you can have depression and still find a way to live a normal life you just have to figure out your triggers and find a good medication to help you balance out.
My point is that I prayed, I quite literally walked and talked with God on a regular basis and I kept getting angrier and angrier until one day in desperation I cried out to God to take the anger away from me. It was strangling me and there were times when I my skin would crawl with the heat of it. I would like to say he took it away all at once but that would be a lie. He sent people into my life that showed me and taught me a better way of dealing with all the pent up rage until one day it was just gone. Anger can kill your soul same as anything else and it's just as much a sin as anything else can be. For a few years I was happy and content and then I made a conscious decison to walk away from my relationship with Christ. I know!!!! Stupid right..yes it was and the only thing I have to say is that Satan knew the exact way to get at me. It wasn't money, fame, or sex. It was very simply love. I was starved for love from my dad my whole life and from my brother as well and all it took was one boy saying he loved me and God telling me I had a choice to make and I chose the boy. yeah that's right I chose human, falible love over the divine love. Ok I was an idiot, I was young and dumb and tired of feeling alone and isolated. As you can guess that relationship did't pan out and neither did the other two I attempted after that. I was raised a christian, I knew better, I did it anyway. I'm still fighting to regain the close relationship I had with Christ prior to that incident and there are days when it seems we are so far apart that I'll never be able to bridge that gap again. Maybe I just need to remember that it's Christ that bridges the gap..not us.

Now on that note i'm going to go make me some coffee and get back to pretending to work.

I really really dislike you and other sarcastic comments

I have been trying to teach my older two children the 13 year old and the 4 year old that the world "HATE" is not acceptable in our house. The other day my four year old informed me that I say that word a lot. Hmmm so I started paying attention to what I said and realized that, yeah I do say that word a lot, so what can I say I obviously lost some of the meaning of the word along the road. I've started saying to my *gag* husband when he upsets me, which is often, that I really really dislike you right now. I've come up with some doozies and even some that are rather creative but their all the same message...I don't like you! Go away! Leave me alone! That got me to thinking...if the word HATE was not allowed because of it's negative conotation then shouldn't the others be disallowed as well? I mean why is it so bad to tell someone you hate them? Or you hate such and such a food or show or color or whatever. Has the word Hate lost it's meaning? Do we actually Hate lima beans or do we just not care for the texture, taste, color of them? Do we actually HATE another person or are we just endlessly annoyed and aggravated by them? What does it mean to HATE something or someone? Here's what the dictionary has to say abou the word Hate: hate (ht)
v. hat·ed, hat·ing, hates
v.tr.
1.
a. To feel hostility or animosity toward.
b. To detest.
2. To feel dislike or distaste for: hates washing dishes.
v.intr.
To feel hatred.
n.
1. Intense animosity or dislike; hatred.
2. An object of detestation or hatred: My pet hate is tardiness.

According to this definition you can have a hatred of something such as tardiness. So if it's an extreme dislike a person or thing is it then ok to let your children say hate? If for instance Gavin says I hate the color green, do you let him say it with no consequences because he used the word appropriatly and he actually does hate the color green?

When I became a mom the first time I remember being filled with all these convictions. My child would have the best of everything I could give them. They would be well behaved and educated and wear nice clothes. I anticipated personality struggles, disobediance, even back talking, what I did not anticipate was having to curb my own sarcasm. Yes I know i'm sarcastic it's like an automatic, knee jerk reaction to negativity. Don't like something? Make a sarcastic comment about it. I do love the art form in almost every way. I like to read books where the characters are sarcastic and witty, i like sarcastic bumper stickers and t-shirts and if I could i'd wear one on casual friday every day of the year. I like sarcasm I just do and I can't imgagine a life where I wasn't allowed to indulge in it from time to time. That being said I have this slight problem..o.k. I have the HUGE problem with my four year old. He is sarcastic!! not in the funny hahah way or in the aww that's so cute kind of way but in the OMG DID HE JUST SAY THAT TO ME?!!! kind of way. I know it's my fault. I knew when he started talking at 6 months old we were in for it. He is a sponge and he's observant and that makes for a bad combination sometimes. I realize that to reverse the cutting sarcasm..yes sarcasm, that comes from his mouth i'm going to have curb my own. *sigh* Looks like it's time to implement the sarcasm jar. Hello marbles..goodbye sarcasm.