Hello my name is Bob

Don't call me mom, mommy, mama, or mamere. My new name is Bob. I've been trying for months now to teach Magnus to call me mama, to give me some kind of indication that he knows me for more than just the warm hands that change his diapers, feed him, clothe him, and bathe him. Every morning I start our routine with "Good morning Magnus mama says hello". I spend the rest of the day pointing to myself and saying mama, I try to throw mama into everything we do. Like mama is going to wash some dishes would you like to help? Mama is making you some lunch please be patient. Mama love you, mama this mama that ok even i'm getting tired of hearing mama. I've enlisted the aid of my pre-schooler and have told him to call me mama not mom, mommy, or mamere, but just mama. I've put my mouth right next to Magnus's ear and whispered mamamamamamamamamamamama over and over and over again. Repitition being the best form of learning and all that. Is it so bad that I want him to say mama? I mean he says dada and daddy, even though MAMA is the one that carried him and nourished him with her OWN BODY for nine months and then DELIVERED him, naturally I might add, all 9lbs 6ozs. of him and yet I get Bob! Don't get me wrong the fact that he addresses me at all is amazing since up till BOB I was just that person whose shirts he spit up on and whose shoulder and chest he snuggled into.
I suppose this is my payback for letting Gavin use his dads first name. In all truthfullness..Bob is not so bad..I mean I could be poo, or some other ambigious word. I could say that B.O.B. stands for Beautiful Observant Babe..yeah I like the sound of that..BOB it is!!

who I am

I've been given a lot of thought to who I am and where i come from and how my differances have both enriched my life and hindered it. I'm taking this human growth and development class and the instructor asks a lot of insightful questions. One question in particular has got me thinking deeper than i usually do. "given where you come from the culture and geographic location name twenty things you would do that someone else from another culture would not". It's a damn good question and I have to think long and hard about. You see i'm a cajun and in Louisiana that can mean a lot of things and none of them are good. If you wanted to be crass and vulgar you could call me a coonass as thats another word for cajun. Up until Emeril Lagasse made it big in the culinary world being a cajun was one step up from being white trash and there wasn't a close-minded fool in Louisiana that didn't let you forget it. My daddy was a drunk and he was often times abusive to my siblings and myself. I grew up all over this country with my daddies job in the asbestos union taking him and his family anywhere there was work. My mom liked it because she always wanted to travel and didn't think how the constant moving would affect her kids. I grew up in hotels, motels, campgrounds and even the back of our old deauce and a quarter (the first electric buick to ever come out on the market for those that don't know car lingo)I never knew what it was like to have childhood friends and the concept of staying in one place longer than a few months was as alien to me as mars.
I remember one time we were staying in this campground in North Dakota and we had to fish for our dinner. My older brother told me that there were bones buried in the cliffs and they were of old Indians and that if you removed them the spirits would rise up at night and steal your soul. I didn't sleep much at all that night I was terrified I'd die in my sleep. My dad wasn't always bad sometimes he could be fun and nice and caring. One time when we were camping at this place that had a sandy beach and a river he gathered us all around the campfire and told us scary stories until my mom made him stop because my older sisters were scared to death. I was like a starving child waiting for my daddy to pay some attention to me even if it was scary stories that scared the life out of me. I found that I loved stories and the radio as that was often time our only source of entertainment on the long road trips from one job site to the other. I got really good at mimicing voices that i heard on the radio and the old t.v. shows that came with the hotel t.v.s my favorite was always Mae West. she was so statusque and she didn't take crap off of nobody. She was bold and brassy all the things I wish that I was. I was bookish and quiet and did my absolute best to be invisible in my family. At the time it was the best course of action to avoid the "bad dad" as I came to call him when he was drunk or high.
then when i was six we moved to Arizona and we moved into an aparment. I thought we must be rich..lol. I remember we lived on cherry tree lane and that was a street in my favorite disney movie Mary Poppins. I thought any day now Mary Poppins would come to our house and she would be our nanny and she would teach my dad how to be good all the time. We went to school a real school for the first time and that was when i learned that I didn't know how to read. This was heartbreaking for me because I loved books. when I was little my mom told me that I would make her read to me all the time I would say "whats in this one mommy?" and she would read it to me. she said she would check out like four books from the library and I would have her read all of them to me over and over. I loved books I loved stories I loved dreaming about the people wrote them. I had so many stories inside my own head that the idea of writing them down and getting them out appealed to me. My mother had a hard time in school she suffered from what i now known as dyslexia and she was just tickled pink that she had a child that loved books as much as i did. She was a good mom actually she was the best thing in my life and I loved her more than anything in the world. I still love her more than anything in the world.I digress the point is that I have never really known who I am because I've never been able to figure it out. I think all people are a huge contradiction of themselves. We try to be more than we are and we either find a way to live with our faults or we drown ourselves in booze and drugs to get away from it all. Maybe i'm such a tee-totaller because of what I lived through. Maybe I want to be sober and deal with life and all it's hard edges because I want my boys to have a better life a better childhood than I ever had. Maybe I just want them to have a childhood. Whatever I am I hope it's what the Lord intended for me all the good and all the bad. I hope and pray that I can be the kind of person that Jesus just shines out from. I hope when people meet me or get to know me they see Jesus and not the tragedy of my upbringing because that is just a small part of me and I believe that the Lord put me in the family he did and the situations he did so that I could be the kind of christian that could reach out to others like me and help them find a way through the darkness like he helped me. I know that my life was unconventional and that "normal" will never define me as a person. I will never understand middle class people or suburbs or PTA parents. Those things will never make much sense to me and i'm ok with that. I will never understand the fascination with celebrities or gossip columns or even why people hero worship other people. People are just fallible that's the truth and it will never change. Only God is perfect and you know if you have to have dad well is there any other better than him?
I often wonder if when i'm hurting and in pain like now does God cry tears for me when I can't? Does he hurt for me as I hurt for my boys when bad things happen to them? I imagine he does and as selfish as that may be it helps me get through the bad times. Knowing that I have a father in heaven as I never had on earth helps me feel protected and sheltered and loved. I thank God every day that I have him in my life and in my soul and in my heart. I know that without him I would not be the person I am today and that no matter how bad things get all things work to the good of those that love the Lord, and I do love my Lord. I love him more than the earth loves the sun and the moon. I love him more than the flowers love the rain.
I thank God for all the wonderful people he's put on this earth to help me through things, friends like Elizabeth and Katie and Rochelle and Rolsa and Melissa. Every single soul that has touched mine has been for a reason and the reason wheather known or unknown has been special to me. I hope my friends know how much I appreciate them and thier kindness. I dont know if i'll ever be able to answer the instructors question with all honesty but I do know that I can answer some questions about myself.
I am a mother of two amazing little boys. I love them more than my own life and I will do just about anything to protect them. I am learning how to be a good wife a godly person and good friend. I am a Cajun from a poor white class family and I'm not ashamed of that. I love to learn and I love books and stories. I love to cook for people and I love to make people laugh. I value the things in life that money will never buy like Love, and friendship, and loyalty. I am not ashamed to live in an apartment or drive an old beat up van. I love my husband even when he's wrong and done wrong. I love working in education and helping other people achieve their dreams through education. I believe this world is big enough for everyone and thier differance and I am sorry other people can't see that but it will not change my outlook. I love art and history and archeology and I love my family my mom and dad and sisters and my brother. I think hate takes too much energy and i'm too lazy to indulge in it.
At the end of day I may not know who I am but I do know that I like what I'm becoming and I hope the Lord continues to shape me in his image and make me what HE wants me to be. I pray that His will be done and not mine and that I will have the humility and wisdom to accept his will in my life.
In Jesus name I pray AMEN.

http://twa.lk/4F0Im
I am thinking of getting my hair cut like the chick with the blue hair..only i'm not going to dye my hair blue..lol. I like how it's funky and kind of edgy but still withing realms of "not quite punk"..lol. I'm getting really excited and can't wait till Tuesday when I have my hair appointment to get it all chopped off. I was going to grow it out long but meh I like my hair short it's easier to maintain and when it's longer like it is now I usually just throw it back in a ponytail and go..not very attractive let me tell you. So if you have time follow the link and take a gander at the hair cut and leave my your thoughts i'd be interested to see what you think of it.

private number

So I got a call from a private number tonight. I debated about answering it as I don't usually pick up those types of calls but I thought it might be my sister calling to find out when me and the boys would be there so I answered the call. Imagine my surprise when all I hear is heavy breathing and some dude making retarded noises in the back ground. So I hung up. Then I got a call from Phillip and I asked him if he had just called me and he said no...debating whether or not to believe him..decide NOPE don't believe him..so I tell him i'm not interested in talking to liars and I tell him so. I hung up on that one too. He calls back but by now i'm well and truly pissed so I just ignore the call and I focus on putting my boys to bed for the night. I am now thinking of TrueBlood and how much I love these shows and how I wish I had a glass of red wine to sip on while I chill out on the couch and indulge my new t.v. obsession. The phone rings again I check it and it's that private number again...answer don't answer..answer don't answer...screw it I answered it. It's the same people doing the same thing so I think ok two can play at this game...so I go and find my halloween cd and put it on and i turn the volume up all the way..I put the phone right next to the speaker and set it to the famous psycho scream and let it blas the crap out of thier ear drums. Now i'm not feeling so pissed off..actually i'm doubled over with laughter. I hit the end call button turn off the cd and I pop my next episode of Trueblood into the dvd player...don't think those people will be calling me back anytime soon.

Bling Bling Baby!

My stepson stole and pawned my engagement ring a little over a year ago and i've had only my gold wedding band to wear for quite some time. Now I know what your thinking is this part where she tells us phillip bought her a new engagement ring? Uhhh no not really, actually not at all, this is the part where I tell you that i've been ring shopping for myself. Right now i'm just looking but I'm thinking maybe I deserve a little something shiny. Nothing too expensive or flashy because thats just not my style but Sams club actually has some really nice understated and relativly inexpensive jewelry. I especially love the ice blue topazs and I do have two boys soooo hmmmmmmmm I could see a nice small stone in my future. I'm thinking all that money I've been putting away and saving for Phillip and I to go on a three day weekend for his birthday would be better spent making up for the loss of my beautiful engagement ring. Maybe a ring or maybe a new hairstyle. I have always wanted to do something a bit more edgy, play with some different colors that I would not normally use, maybe try a different cut. Something cute and sporty and fun something very not momish. Yeah some retail therapy might do me some good. I'm to frugal by nature to splurge too much but well a little bit wouldn't be a bad thing right?

On it or under It

This was what Spartan women would say to their men before they departed for war. The saying meant that a spartan man was only to return to his home as a victor in battle or a deceased warrior who had fought bravely. Spartan women were some tough as nails women. They were bred this way by the culture they grew up in. They were never percieved as weaker than men or beneath men.

Many women played a significant role in the history of Sparta.[74] Queen Gorgo, heiress to the throne and the wife of Leonidas I, was an influential and well-documented figure. Herodotus records that as a small girl she advised her father Cleomenes to resist a bribe. She was later said to be responsible for decoding a warning that the Persian forces were about to invade Greece; after Spartan generals could not decode a wooden tablet covered in wax, she ordered them to clear the wax, revealing the warning.[75] Plutarch's Moralia contains a collection of "Sayings of Spartan Women", including a laconic quip attributed to Gorgo: when asked by a woman from Attica why Spartan women were the only women in the world who could rule men, she replied "Because we are the only women who are mothers of men".[76]
(Wickipedia)

In short Spartan women were some serious, hard core, women. You didn't mess with the Spartan women. They were just as feared in battle as the men and just as respected in thier society as them as well. Women were viewed and legally treated the same as a man. They could inherit property and rule the city-state. Of all the Greek city states Sparta was the most feared in battle and they enjoyed the peace that this reputation brought them well into the Roman Empire.

In a lot of ways I hold a deep respect for these women and thier place in history. I think it's fascinating that at a time in history when women were subjugated and treated as little more than property these Spartan women ascended above all of that. I have to take a moment and applaud the men of Sparta as well for realizing that strong women breed strong men and that more pride and ownership a woman can have in her own life the more beneficial it is to everyone. There are a lot of strong female leaders in our worlds history. Bodecia is often thought of as the original "Amazon Woman". She single handedly united the disorganized tribes of England and led them in force against the Roman Empires invasion of the island. She marched into battle at the front of the lines everytime and she was a SERIOUS force to be reckoned with. The Roman Empire almost lost their take over of the island mostly due in part to Bodecia's fierce protection and her sharp wits. Catherine Great of Russia, Queen Victoria, and many others have been a credit to thier sex and thier country and I firmly believe they should be celebrated as pioneers of the womens movement.

Why do I bring this up? What is the point of this blog? Simply this: We Women are made of stronger stuff than our men. I'm not saying men are weak they are good for other things like taking out the trash at night when it's cold, working on our cars, and getting that nasty hair ball that always seems to collect in the bathtub drain and of course killing the wayward mouse or rat *shivers* defitnly a job for men. But women are strong in other ways. We are the backbone of our houses and if men are the head then women are the neck. I think God designed us to be tough mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It take some serious mental toughness to be a mother. It takes just as much to be a wife. We are responsible for so many other people we often forget to take care of ouselves. We need to stop doing that women we need to remember that even the Spartan women, and they were tough as nails, took time out of thier lives to just be.
I'm going home to New Orleans next weekend my boys and I will drive down on Friday night and my mom has told me she will take care of my boys for a few days so that I can just be myself. Not mom, not wife, not employee, just myself. It's been so long since I've been allowed to just be myself that i'm a little excited by the prospect. I know when I come back the "vacation" will be over and it will be back to work. Work as a mom, work as a wife, an work as an employee. In the meantime i'm going to look forward to Mardi Gras and my little unexpected vacation from my life.

All is quiet

the boys are both asleep so i've spent my time thinking and reading. I'm glad I took the counselors suggestion and got the book After the Affair. Just having all the things i'm dealing with put down in words and being able to read them has helped the most. I took the books advice and I arranged to meet Phillip for a short lunch. We went to DQ so that Gavin could go off and play. We didn't discuss anything but the boys, the household stuff, and his job. We kept it to topics that we both felt safe discussing. No matter what he's done to me he has always been a good dad to the boys and he honestly (haha honestly)does love them. I'm glad he got to spend some time with them and it did me good to see him and the boys together. It reminds me how much we have to lose if we both just give up and walk away. I'm not ready to do that. I know that for sure. I want to forgive him but he's going to have to work hard for forgivness i'm not God and I can't just forgive and forget. I know that the time i've spent on my knees praying, crying, cursing, and everything in between is necessary. I know it's got to be done all of these issues will need to be addressed between the two of us. Big changes are coming for our relationship I hope and pray the Lord will lead Phillip down the right path I pray he will instill him a righteous heart and a heart of forgiveness. Yes a heart of forgivness he will need to find a way to forgive himself for what he's done before he can move forward. He has a lot of work to do as well. As for me i'm trying to heal i'm trying to find a non destructive path through this barren landscape. I hope what they say is true and the grass will be greener on the other side. I can't help but think this may be the catalyst that is needed to forge a closer, tighter, more stable relationship between the two of us. Maybe that is wishful thinking and maybe the outcome will not be what I want but as my Granny always says "no need to borrow trouble today has enough of it's own". Having a hopeful outlook and being as positive as I can be has always served me well in the past here's to hoping it serves me well in the present and the future.

Pride and other non-essentials

I spoke to Phillip on the phone last night after the boys both went to bed. I thought about not taking his phone call and being petty and mean but luckily for him I had just finished praying and talking to God. I knew that if I wanted to heal my own heart and find some comfort in my own mind I would need to take the hight road. That doesn't mean I let him off easy by any means but I think or at least I hope that i've moved past the "gut reaction" phase and into "think before you speak" phase of my anger and grief. I know because I've talked a counselor that there is a lot of work inside myself that has to be done. I know that if he is serious about making this marriage work and is truly sorry for what he did then he is going to have to spend a long time proving with his actions and his words that he is worthy of my trust and love. So he called and after the fifth ring I had the courage to pick up the phone and talk to him. I said a silent prayer to Jesus that he would give me the wisdom and words to help and heal and not to destroy and hurt. I prayed that the Holy Spirit would take control of my thoughts words and deeds and that no matter what when I hung up this phone I would know that I had done the right and said the right thing. In other words I shoved my Pride as far down as I could and I put my children in the front of my mind and prepared to be assertive and not combative. Having him out of the house for the past few days has certaintly helped me to work through a lot of the negative emotions and being able to talke to him without having to see him was a blessing in disguise.
He started the conversation off with trying to be a flirt and I told him that I honestly don't know how to take that. I told him that because of his actions and his choices I can't believe anything he says even if it's just "i'm going to the store to buy milk". I was calm and collected and not an emotional wreck over the phone. It's lovely when God answers your prayers like immiedatly haha. I have to say that as much I may not like him right now and even at timeshate him this time apart has shown me that it is still him that I want a marriage with and it is still him that I want to share my life with. He of course is not going to hear this from me yet...after all this is all still so new and i'm still processing and dealing with the after effects of the nuclear fall out. This realization is for me and me alone and it serves to strengthen my resolve in the darkest times. Knowing that for myself helps to make me more willingly to talk to him and it even helps to make me more inclined to seek counseling. We talked for about two hours at first he tried to defend what he did to me but after about 30 minutes of me explaining to him that there is not excuse for what he did and that his trying to excuse was insulting to say the least he seemed to have caught on that he wasn't going to sweet talk his way out of this situation and he started to man up.
I told him how what he did made me feel about myself and I explained to him that no one should ever be made to feel that way about themselves especially not from the person that says they Love you and wants to spend the rest of thier lives with you. I had a few choice words for the "other" woman and to his credit he didn't try to defend her to me. I defintly did most of the talking and he did most of the apologizing which in my not so humble opinion is exactly as it should have been. I can say that when I hung up that phone I felt stronger and more in control of myself and my emotions for the first time in days I was able to sleep without nightmares and I even managed to eat a piece a fruit and keep it down. Yeah I know it's still dark days ahead but now at least I have a tiny bit of hope that maybe just maybe I can come out of this situation a better mom a better person and with enough counseling even maybe a better marriage.

Trauma to the heart

My parents have been married a long time. I know it was not always easy, I know because they had no problem arguing in front of us and we were witness to quite a few knock down drag out fights some resulting in all of us kids climbing out a bedroom window to go stay the night at a hotel or motel. I can remember being scared everytime that this was the one that would result in us splitting our time between two homes. As i got older and was able to reason on a deeper level I began to wish that my mom would just leave him already so we could have peace for once. I never realized full and in depth just how much hurt and willpower and divine forgiveness for my dad my mom had to go through to keep her family together.
Now I find that i'm in a situation where I am facing the same decisions she had to face. To forgive and move forward together as a couple or to leave and pick up the pieces on my own. Phillip has done a lot of not nice things to me in the past but I've always been able to search my heart and search the word of God and find forgiveness. I've always made the effort to work it out to find a way to keep my family together. Now he has done something that even the Lord says is grounds for divorce and I can not find it my heart to forgive. My heart is so broken my soul is seriously damaged and I do not think I can find a way to keep it all together. I struggle everyday to put a good face on in front of my kids to not let them know how bad things are but i'm taking a lot of showers so I can cry. I'm unable to eat and unable to sleep because the thought of what he did makes me ill it makes me sick to my stomach and when I close my eyes to sleep I see the pictures and the videos and the nightmares begin. I am so hurt so fucking hurt and so so so angry!!! when I think of all the work and all of the help financial and otherwise and all of the time that i've spent on this relationship and this marriage and all the times i've swallowed my own pride and put his well being before mine I just want to SCREAM!!!!!

I have never felt pain like this before it emotional and physical and soul-aching. The worst part of it all is he's not even sorry. Oh yeah he said the words that he was sorry and he said he didn't want a divorce but is he willing to do what it takes to fix what he broke?! NO! He is liar, a two timing liar and a killer of the heart and I wish he would get hit by a bus. I wish the Lord would take vengeance on my behalf and make him hurt as much as he's hurt me. I am so mixed up and confused and hurt and angry. I go back and forth between rage and sadness and numbness. On one hand I wish I had never found those videos and pictures I wish I was ignorant and everything could be like it was and on the other hand I wish all of this ugliness was behind me and I could just skip this whole thing and be on the other side.
I feel so humilated and STUPID!!!! I feel like a fat ugly loser. And then I hate him for making me feel that way and I hate that because if his bad choices my life is the one that is affected by it and I hate him for doing this to our kids. I do not know how to deal with all these emotions i'm not used to feeling this kind of hate for anyone least of all the person I promised to spend the rest of my life with.
Oh God I do not know what your plan for my life is or where i'm supposed to go from here. If a person hurts this much shouldn't they be dead from it? I talked to a counselor on the phone yesterday she suggested I get this book called After the Affair but just between you me and the fence post I don't really care to read anything right now. I'm pretty tired of people telling me that I have to find a way to forgive him. I don't want to fogive him I don't want to have anything to do with him and I for damn sure don't want to think anything nice about him. He thinks he can text me flirty texts on the phone and i'll just crumble and take him back. WRONG and it's insulting that he thinks telling me i'm hot or telling me i'm so great is going to be enough to make me forgive him. He has a lot to be responsible for and unless he's willing to own his mistake and do what it takes EVERYTHING it takes his lying ass can just stay gone!!!

nutrition confusion

I am forever trying to lose weight..I feel like i've been fighting the battle of the bulge my whole life. This is really not the case as i've seen pictures of myself from elementary and high school and I was actually a very healthy and fit child and adolescent. I don't understand where it all went wrong for me. I've tried to pin point exactly the time and place that I went from "healthy" to "way not healthy" and I just can't figure it out. The year before I got pregnant with my second son I had gotten serious about getting healthy. I wasn't concerned about being thin and gorgeous I just wanted to be healthy. So I joined sparkpeople and I got serious about counting my calories and started the slow process of changing what and how I ate. It took me about a year to lose 60lbs but I lost them in a healthy way and I was proud of myself for sticking to it for so long.

Now I've had Magnus he's going to be 8 month old soo and I have 100lbs that I would like to shed. As ALWAYS nurtition is my downfall. It has always been to hard for me make those healthy choices when i'm at home. When i'm at work I feel like people are always watching me and my co-workers and my boss's are very supportive of thier staff so eating healthy at work was never a problem. I would pack my lunches and breakfast and two snacks and i'd do real well during the day..then i'd get home and blow the whole enchilada!! I'm determined NOT to do that this time. I know that I do enough exercise in a day to lose weight I also know that my nutrition really needs some work. So i'm SLOWLY changing how I eat and i'm making it a game of sorts to see how many colors of the rainbow I can eat in a day. I kind of sort of know that principle of healthy nutrition but really i'm pretty clueless. thing that I thought were good for you turned out to not be so good after all. So to that end I am seriously contemplating calling my health insurance and seeing if they cover nutritionists I mean they should they cover Jenny Craig. Then I'd like to check into some of the health and wellness classes that are offered through St.Johns Medical. I would like to be at least 20lbs lighter by this summer and I think this is doable.

I have two blogs. One on here and one on myspace. I've been blogging for a while now though I go through dry spells like anyone, and I've often wondered about the vanity that must be involved in "blogging". I get the advertising side of it..it's good fodder for creative writers. They can "connect" with thier fans and experiment with material while also advertising thier new books. What about the rest of us though? What possess perfectly run of the mill ordinary everyday people to blog? I'm sure there are those that do it to stay in touch with family that's far away and i'm just as sure that there are those that will claim it's therapeautic. Sort of an exorcising the demons sort of thing. I myself am far to self aware to paint a pretty picture as to why I blog. I am vain..plain and simple. I have a great appreciation for my god given talen with words. I've been told by too many people and for far too long that this is my true gift..not just writing but storytelling and yes there's a difference. Anyone with a basic understanding of their language can write. Storytelling is something else entirely. Think about all those authors that make the top ten best sellers list..why are they up there? Because they can tell a story in such a way that it appeals to a large variety of people. It's no secret people love a good story. It's an escape from our dreary dull everyday lives. I've spent a lot of sime thinking about it. Why when one person tells a story about her kids and family it's cute or endearing but it's not one of the top sellers. Yet take that same story and give it to someone with a talent for words and phrases and the story becomes something that is so much more. It's gripping and magical and relatable. Am I so vain to think i'm in a league with those storytellers? oh hell no! It would be beyond vain and into the realm of self delusion to believe such a thing. First off i've no idea how to write a whole complete novel. I've tried before in the past but the formula is just like a mystery to me. My talent is raw and untried hence why I blog. it's a short story a brief glimpse into my otherwise pretty uneventful life. I do love to write..no matter what else is going on in my life I can always run away into the pages of a book or write those pages myself and create a whole lovely and adverturous world for me to play in.
I do play in my imaginary world. I suspect there are many authors especially the ones that write seriel books who do the same. Once you find a favorite place to live in your head you want to visit it as often as you can feasibly get away with. This is the allure and the attraction to many to want to become a writer. I love to write but i'm not "in love" with writing. I have a sneaking suspicion that if I was forced to meet deadlines that my love for writing would dry up and vanish and i'd be left bitter and resentful that my favorite past-time had been taken away.
So back to my original thought. Why do people blog? Why has it become to amazingly popular? When I first started blogging it was relativly new and unheard of. It was like an online diary that people could go to write out their feelings with much stronger security than a simple lock on a book. Then someone came along and had the brilliant idea to make a place for people to leave comments. I suspect these same people thought a lot of themselves and wanted to see if others thought the same about them. Ok I might be just a teensy bit over doing it there. I'm sure they had much more noble reasons thant this, though i can't think of any right now, to put that comments box in. My point is this..once the comments box was there blogging took a whole life of it's own. I love writing a piece and then checking to see what others think of it. I like knowing that what i'm going through matters to someone other than me. I like knowing that there are people who care enough about what i'm saying to read it and leave a note. whether they agree or disagree is the same to me. I'm not threatened by ideas different than my own and I value another perspective of the same situation. Mostly I like that place in my head that i go to play in so much that I want to invite others to play with me too. After all we are social creatures. So now you know why I blog, what I want to know is, why do you blog?