Thanksgiving officially kicks off our families crazy holiday mad dash for the new year. I started a tradition a while ago to count a blessing everyday leading up to the new year so that I can take a moment and remember that all this insanity is worth it. It's worth it dangit!!!!! Every year it's the same story with my husband's ex and every year I have to run around playing peace maker and smoothing ruffled feathers between my husband and the rest of the world. What i'm saying is it's stressful folks! This year we have the added bonus of dealing with a close personal friends breast cancer and divorce from her husband. Well we found out about all of this months ago and it's just been ongoing so I wouldn't say it started with the holiday season but ya know what did start with the holiday season? A little ditty that I'd like to dedicate to our blended family mess:
The 12 Days of holiday tears:
On the first day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
ONE angsty teenage girl
On the second day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Two little boys who fight over everything
On the third day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Three married couples on the brink of divorce
On the fourth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Four slammed doors and a husband cussing up a storm.
On the fifth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Five nights of crappy sleep
On the sixth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Six angry texts from my husbands ex.
On the seventh day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
seven deadlines for projects at work.
On the eighth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Eight little spats between my husband and me
On the ninth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Nine church obligations
On the tenth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Ten helping hands in the NA nursery
On the eleventh day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Eleven phone calls to our attorney.
On the twelfth day of Christmas the the good Lord gave to me...
Twelve days of stress and anxiety
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year. May your days be merry and your nights be free of worry. May the Lord bless you and Keep you and make his face to shine upon all the days of your lives.
Peace! I'm out!!!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Mixed and Matched?
I have a fellow blogger friend whose blog is Ebeth's four and no more. She blogs about her family of four children, ducks, horses, and her faith. I love to read her blogs and I've often wondered how she does it all without going insane. She's a mom whose passionate about education, family (you'll often here her say these moments are fleeting and memories are all you'll have), and her faith. I'm a mom whose passionate about education, family, and faith..you start see why we get along huh. One of the few differences between us is that I'm a bonus mommy and my husband had two children before we met then we had two children together. Cicircumstances, that would take a novel to explain, have kept our blended family in fragments for a while so I've never been able to identify with the "four and no more" until recently. Thanksgiving was my first experience with a family of six. I'd like to say that I handled it well but that would be lying. My mom was in town with my younger sister Lafon and they helped...a lot! I begin to wonder anew how my mother managed with seven children and an adult child for a husband. Once more she has been solidified in my eyes as a giant among women!
The first obstacle we had to over come with the "newly" acquired bonus son was transportation. We both have compact cars. I drive a Honda accord and he drives a Saturn. Now normally this is not a problem as we usually take the Honda when we go as a family which seats five but with six not so much. The next hurdle was "where is he going to sleep?". Thankfully Phillip had been given a fold out sofa for the family room downstairs, that's right folks God IS good! The next major obstacle was he came to us with NO CLOTHES!!! we have two sons together they are aged five and two years. Bonus son is 12 years old soooo no chance of those clothes fitting him ever! Now thanks some Christmas angels and really amazing St.Louis Mommie friend Kenisha we have a whole wardrobe for him from fall/winter and spring/summer...which brings us to physical obstacle number four. Where do you put two seasons of clothes when all the dressers and closet space are being used for the other three children that live there full time? Even with all of these obstacles I know that God will see us through it. Like I told my husband I love to read the stories in the bible not so much living them. Especially not the prodigal son story! Lord I know you have a plan for my family a plan to prosper and not to harm...now if you could just help me remember that in the dark days ahead I'd be forever grateful.
The first obstacle we had to over come with the "newly" acquired bonus son was transportation. We both have compact cars. I drive a Honda accord and he drives a Saturn. Now normally this is not a problem as we usually take the Honda when we go as a family which seats five but with six not so much. The next hurdle was "where is he going to sleep?". Thankfully Phillip had been given a fold out sofa for the family room downstairs, that's right folks God IS good! The next major obstacle was he came to us with NO CLOTHES!!! we have two sons together they are aged five and two years. Bonus son is 12 years old soooo no chance of those clothes fitting him ever! Now thanks some Christmas angels and really amazing St.Louis Mommie friend Kenisha we have a whole wardrobe for him from fall/winter and spring/summer...which brings us to physical obstacle number four. Where do you put two seasons of clothes when all the dressers and closet space are being used for the other three children that live there full time? Even with all of these obstacles I know that God will see us through it. Like I told my husband I love to read the stories in the bible not so much living them. Especially not the prodigal son story! Lord I know you have a plan for my family a plan to prosper and not to harm...now if you could just help me remember that in the dark days ahead I'd be forever grateful.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Lessons I wish I knew early in life
I'm approaching a birthday. Ugghhh in three months I'll be 33 years old. This may not seem that old to some but according to the Beloit College Mindset list i'm freaking ancient! I can attribute these feelings of out datedness to technology which is both the jewel and the bane of my existence. If you want to read up on the mindset of this years crop of incoming freshman and join me in my lamenting woes you can do so by clicking on this: http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2014/
As this birthday looms larger than life for me this year with my oldest biological son entering Kindergarten and my bonus daughter beginning her freshman year of high school I'm looking back at my younger, thinner, more stupid self and wishing I could give her some advice. Some things I'd like to go back and tell her, but knowing myself as well as I do, she wouldn't listen to me anyway are listed below.
1) It's ok to fail. The world will not end if you screw up pursuing your dream as a writer and your family will not think less of you for doing so.
2)NO ONE looks good in Spandex, flourescent lighting, or too small clothes
3) Keep your wardrobe you'll be shocked at how quickly that fashion comes back around in your lifetime.
4) Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should.
5) 1 out of ever 3 people will not like you and that's OK
6) You are not a weirdo, creepy, loser for keeping a journal but make sure you keep a lock on that thing!!
7) Save your money (conversly stay away from credit cards).
8)Go to counseling BEFORE you decide to get married
9) Move somewhere and learn to live alone, learn to enjoy living alone
10) Life isn't fair, it's usually not fair in your favor so quite whining about it.
11) When someone says "it could be worse" believe them.
12) Perfectionism will kill you.
13) Life is not a race and there is no "timeline" for getting to certain milestones. It's not important that you reach them at such and such a time only that you reach them.
14) When someone shows you who they are believe them, People are consistent.
15) You can not "fix" people nor should you try.
16) Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has them, not everyone wants to get a whiff of yours so keep it to yourself unless asked. If asked temper it with tolerance and understanding.
17) NO is just as powerful as Yes. Learn to use them appropriatly.
18) Stay away from JOHNATHAN TALL!!! he will ruin your life both spiritually and emotionally.
19) It's ok to like video games, comic books, dressing up in costumes, playing pretend, reading, and being an all around geek. It does not make you better or worse than anyone else.
20) Don't be so quick to cut people out of your life.
21) Letting go of control is liberating. Try it!!!
As this birthday looms larger than life for me this year with my oldest biological son entering Kindergarten and my bonus daughter beginning her freshman year of high school I'm looking back at my younger, thinner, more stupid self and wishing I could give her some advice. Some things I'd like to go back and tell her, but knowing myself as well as I do, she wouldn't listen to me anyway are listed below.
1) It's ok to fail. The world will not end if you screw up pursuing your dream as a writer and your family will not think less of you for doing so.
2)NO ONE looks good in Spandex, flourescent lighting, or too small clothes
3) Keep your wardrobe you'll be shocked at how quickly that fashion comes back around in your lifetime.
4) Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should.
5) 1 out of ever 3 people will not like you and that's OK
6) You are not a weirdo, creepy, loser for keeping a journal but make sure you keep a lock on that thing!!
7) Save your money (conversly stay away from credit cards).
8)Go to counseling BEFORE you decide to get married
9) Move somewhere and learn to live alone, learn to enjoy living alone
10) Life isn't fair, it's usually not fair in your favor so quite whining about it.
11) When someone says "it could be worse" believe them.
12) Perfectionism will kill you.
13) Life is not a race and there is no "timeline" for getting to certain milestones. It's not important that you reach them at such and such a time only that you reach them.
14) When someone shows you who they are believe them, People are consistent.
15) You can not "fix" people nor should you try.
16) Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has them, not everyone wants to get a whiff of yours so keep it to yourself unless asked. If asked temper it with tolerance and understanding.
17) NO is just as powerful as Yes. Learn to use them appropriatly.
18) Stay away from JOHNATHAN TALL!!! he will ruin your life both spiritually and emotionally.
19) It's ok to like video games, comic books, dressing up in costumes, playing pretend, reading, and being an all around geek. It does not make you better or worse than anyone else.
20) Don't be so quick to cut people out of your life.
21) Letting go of control is liberating. Try it!!!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My whole life has been one fight after another. I am the middle child of seven so I had to fight to be heard, fight to be seen, fight to be acknowledged, I had to fight to survive in a house full of women and one boy. When I went to college I thought I wouldn't have to fight anymore but the battles were still there the only ting that had changed was the geography. In relationships I had to fight to be respected, honored, understood, accepted. I had to fight to make good grades and balance my social life with my academic one. Go too far either way and you risk losing the battle of obtaining a well rounded education. As a christian I've had to fight against the prejudice and mockery that often comes from choosing that religion. I had to fight against labels like Jesus Freak, bible thumper, holy roller, and religious nut job. The outside world is fraught with danger on all sides. Even inside a church there are labels and gossip and popularity contests. I know that may shock some non church goers but more often than not church is just high school with more traditions to be observed. I'm not an 'Individual", I"m not a socialist, or a Marxist. I don't believe its the governments job to take care of me or mine and I don't expect them to solve the countries, or the worlds, problems. I don't fit into any standard category and I don't judge those that do.
In my youth I believed in fairness and justice and the American Way. I'm older now and I'm the veteran of many of life's battles. I'm still young only in my 30's and I know this life has more pain and suffering to teach me, I know there are more battles to fight, I also know that nothing is black and white, the white knight does not exist in our physical world and life is messy and complicated like all battlefields are. Yet I find myself wondering what happens to a soldier when he's too tired to march? What happens to the warrior that's to old or too tired to pick up his sword one more time, what happens when the fighting ends? Where do we battle hardened survivors end up? Do we wash up on some sad lonely shore? Do we go on fighting so long that we forget how to enjoy peace and do we even recognize it when it comes? When you've held that sword and shield so long that it's become a part of you, ingrained in everything you do so much so that it's no longer habit it just is how do you learn to let go, put down your weapons, step away from the carnage and the gore and just rest?
How do you stop fighting, and just be? God says "Be still, and know that I am God". Does this mean we don't have to fight? Does this mean that we can lay down our weapons, step aside, and let God do all the rest? How does one BE STILL when ones entire life has been action and reaction?
I don't know the answers some days I don't want to know and other days the puzzle seems to complicated to bother with. I wonder why God gave me a spirit of fire and then made me a woman. I don't know how to bend or capitulate. I don't understand the mentality of a victim. I don't understand how some people seem to enjoy being a victim. I seem to be incapable of pasively letting things happen to me. Is this the mentality of a fighter, a survivor, or someone who is just too scared to Be Still? It's hard for me to depend on others, to trust others, or in some cases to put up with others. I am by nature a quality over quantity person. I keep very few close friends and I enjoy mass quantities of time alone. I am not and never will be a social butterfly because society as a whole confuses and confounds me. I may never understand myself fully and I think i'm ok with that. Questions keep us nimble and quick two skills needed to survive. I can count on one hand the number of people I consider best friends.
Laurie my oldest and closest friend. She was there with and for me through the hell fires of junior high and high school. We stood back to back against the perils of young adulthood and the pitfalls of marriage. Now we share the adventure of motherhood. She is my sister born in the fires of adolescent and tempered through the years of adulthood. No matter how much time passes between visits it is always as if no time has gone at all. She will be the friend that buries me at the end and that tells my children tales of our youth together. She will be the one that always keeps my secrets safe and my accomplishments public.
Rolsa who played high school basketball with me in Wendover and carpooled with me to Jackpot for school and back again. She was the first of us to get her license and she has the heart of gold that Laurie and I lack. If Laurie is fire Rolsa is water. She is cool and calm in the face of strife. She keeps us level headed and our feet on the ground. Rolsa is our warrior monk who reminds us that life is short and precious and should be cherished. She is the last to lose her temper and the first to offer peace. She is the caretaker for her family and she embodies the spirit of hearth and home. Don't ever mistake Rolsa for a shallow pond because still waters run deep and when the wind of her ire is unleashed she is a gale force on the open ocean. Sweet, gentle, loving, caring Rolsa who always reminds me that fire is extinguished by water.
For a long time we were a band of three. Sisters not by blood but by Gods design. Each of us different from the other. Each of us strong where the other was weak and always there to lend our strength to the other when needed. That was until recently when I met Roxanne. I never imagined I'd find a sister in arms in St.Louis. I was resigned to my long distance friendships and content with the many mothers I had met through the mommy board. Then one night at an MNO (moms night out) I met Roxanne. At first I didn't really notice her. She wasn't loud, she wasn't rude, or a drama queen or any of those things that usually make a person stick out. I was there to have fun, mingle with the new moms and try to spend a little time with everyone. I wasn't looking for a fast friend. I wasn't LOOKING and that was the problem. God must have sighed in exasperation at me that night because he gave me another opportunity, another chance, to see the person he had put before me. Thankfully I wasn't a fool twice and I did notice her. I talked to her, I texted her and met her, and hung out with her. I can't tell you for sure how she came to be friend, I think the best friendships are often the ones where they seem to just always have been, no beginning and no end. All I can say is that she is there. Roxanne is has become the air that feeds the fire and gives it life. If your blessed to be her friend she will never desert you. She will listen without judgement, She will give you an ear or two if you need it. Roxanne is constant, steady, and no matter where in this wide world she finds herself she will always find time for the ones she keeps close.
Now we are a band of four. We have each other near and far to cry with, laugh with, rage with. I always liked the number four.
I am a fighter, I am a survivor, and while I may not ever understand anything else about myself than this I know that I do not fight alone. I have my sisters in arms. I have God throughout and at the end.
Where do warriors go when the fighting is at an end? Maybe they just go to their friends and spend their golden years reliving the battles of their youth.
In my youth I believed in fairness and justice and the American Way. I'm older now and I'm the veteran of many of life's battles. I'm still young only in my 30's and I know this life has more pain and suffering to teach me, I know there are more battles to fight, I also know that nothing is black and white, the white knight does not exist in our physical world and life is messy and complicated like all battlefields are. Yet I find myself wondering what happens to a soldier when he's too tired to march? What happens to the warrior that's to old or too tired to pick up his sword one more time, what happens when the fighting ends? Where do we battle hardened survivors end up? Do we wash up on some sad lonely shore? Do we go on fighting so long that we forget how to enjoy peace and do we even recognize it when it comes? When you've held that sword and shield so long that it's become a part of you, ingrained in everything you do so much so that it's no longer habit it just is how do you learn to let go, put down your weapons, step away from the carnage and the gore and just rest?
How do you stop fighting, and just be? God says "Be still, and know that I am God". Does this mean we don't have to fight? Does this mean that we can lay down our weapons, step aside, and let God do all the rest? How does one BE STILL when ones entire life has been action and reaction?
I don't know the answers some days I don't want to know and other days the puzzle seems to complicated to bother with. I wonder why God gave me a spirit of fire and then made me a woman. I don't know how to bend or capitulate. I don't understand the mentality of a victim. I don't understand how some people seem to enjoy being a victim. I seem to be incapable of pasively letting things happen to me. Is this the mentality of a fighter, a survivor, or someone who is just too scared to Be Still? It's hard for me to depend on others, to trust others, or in some cases to put up with others. I am by nature a quality over quantity person. I keep very few close friends and I enjoy mass quantities of time alone. I am not and never will be a social butterfly because society as a whole confuses and confounds me. I may never understand myself fully and I think i'm ok with that. Questions keep us nimble and quick two skills needed to survive. I can count on one hand the number of people I consider best friends.
Laurie my oldest and closest friend. She was there with and for me through the hell fires of junior high and high school. We stood back to back against the perils of young adulthood and the pitfalls of marriage. Now we share the adventure of motherhood. She is my sister born in the fires of adolescent and tempered through the years of adulthood. No matter how much time passes between visits it is always as if no time has gone at all. She will be the friend that buries me at the end and that tells my children tales of our youth together. She will be the one that always keeps my secrets safe and my accomplishments public.
Rolsa who played high school basketball with me in Wendover and carpooled with me to Jackpot for school and back again. She was the first of us to get her license and she has the heart of gold that Laurie and I lack. If Laurie is fire Rolsa is water. She is cool and calm in the face of strife. She keeps us level headed and our feet on the ground. Rolsa is our warrior monk who reminds us that life is short and precious and should be cherished. She is the last to lose her temper and the first to offer peace. She is the caretaker for her family and she embodies the spirit of hearth and home. Don't ever mistake Rolsa for a shallow pond because still waters run deep and when the wind of her ire is unleashed she is a gale force on the open ocean. Sweet, gentle, loving, caring Rolsa who always reminds me that fire is extinguished by water.
For a long time we were a band of three. Sisters not by blood but by Gods design. Each of us different from the other. Each of us strong where the other was weak and always there to lend our strength to the other when needed. That was until recently when I met Roxanne. I never imagined I'd find a sister in arms in St.Louis. I was resigned to my long distance friendships and content with the many mothers I had met through the mommy board. Then one night at an MNO (moms night out) I met Roxanne. At first I didn't really notice her. She wasn't loud, she wasn't rude, or a drama queen or any of those things that usually make a person stick out. I was there to have fun, mingle with the new moms and try to spend a little time with everyone. I wasn't looking for a fast friend. I wasn't LOOKING and that was the problem. God must have sighed in exasperation at me that night because he gave me another opportunity, another chance, to see the person he had put before me. Thankfully I wasn't a fool twice and I did notice her. I talked to her, I texted her and met her, and hung out with her. I can't tell you for sure how she came to be friend, I think the best friendships are often the ones where they seem to just always have been, no beginning and no end. All I can say is that she is there. Roxanne is has become the air that feeds the fire and gives it life. If your blessed to be her friend she will never desert you. She will listen without judgement, She will give you an ear or two if you need it. Roxanne is constant, steady, and no matter where in this wide world she finds herself she will always find time for the ones she keeps close.
Now we are a band of four. We have each other near and far to cry with, laugh with, rage with. I always liked the number four.
I am a fighter, I am a survivor, and while I may not ever understand anything else about myself than this I know that I do not fight alone. I have my sisters in arms. I have God throughout and at the end.
Where do warriors go when the fighting is at an end? Maybe they just go to their friends and spend their golden years reliving the battles of their youth.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Techno-Wasted
After starting my foodie blog femmefoodiefatale.blogspot.com and working with that editor on the pages i've already got and adding to those pages with transitoinal scenes plus searching the internet for new recipes to try for aformentioned new blog i'm techno-wasted! That's right I'm done for a while. I may not make my June 30th deadline beacause the idea of sitting in front of any form of electronic device just about makes me want to vomit in a technology hangover. I need a break from all things that plug in, turn on, light up, or otherwise connect me in any way other than real life.
I made a list of all the technological thingies that i'm plugged into and realized i'm a technoholic! The online mommy forum, Facebook, Blogspot, Stumbleupon, and the many many many recipe websites and blogs that I read not to mention the online comics!!! It's a wonder I get anything done in my day at all.
Hence forth I will be WORKING more and stumbling, facebooking, and mommy foruming (is that even a word?) less. I need to FOCUS. I think maybe I might be afraid of success because everytime I get close to succeeding my focus scatters and I just quit. I'm determined not to quit. At this point even if the story turns out to be total shite at least I can say I finished it!!!
So now it's time to get writer wasted and join the 12 step program to get unplugged.
I made a list of all the technological thingies that i'm plugged into and realized i'm a technoholic! The online mommy forum, Facebook, Blogspot, Stumbleupon, and the many many many recipe websites and blogs that I read not to mention the online comics!!! It's a wonder I get anything done in my day at all.
Hence forth I will be WORKING more and stumbling, facebooking, and mommy foruming (is that even a word?) less. I need to FOCUS. I think maybe I might be afraid of success because everytime I get close to succeeding my focus scatters and I just quit. I'm determined not to quit. At this point even if the story turns out to be total shite at least I can say I finished it!!!
So now it's time to get writer wasted and join the 12 step program to get unplugged.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
some advice from an Editor.
yes you read that right I have found a professional editor blog who can help me refine my story. I'm so freaking excited I can barely contain my writer's heart!!!! I'm also extremely glad that I grew up in a house with five sisters and have a very thick hide LOL. Critism thy name is editor LOL.
So some advice from the editor to help me and anyone else become a better writer:
go to the last three people you’ve hurt in your life and ask them to talk to you for as long as they want about how it felt to them. Don’t respond, just listen. Endure the shame.This step is necessary to clean out the interior censor, the one who thinks there’s still time left to protect your reputation. There’s no time left. You’ve already long-since destroyed your reputation with the ones you love, the people who matter most. Welcome to the real world.If you’ve never hurt anyone, put down your keyboard and go apply for sainthood. You are the wrong kind of liar to be a writer.
So I will be making some phone calls later this evening. I'm actually pretty scared to do this because I HATE for people to be mad at me. :(
Spend one day watching children.Children are people confused by their world, without adequate skills to either communicate or function within the social norms of their tribe. Watch a family, preferably of several generations. Take copious notes on how they interact with each other—how they treat one child, how they respond to the child’s efforts to communicate and function, how they communicate with each other about the child, how they communicate with each other with no reference to the child at all. Take notes on how the child attempts or does not attempt to be involved with them. Now take the same notes on the other children, along with notes on why you picked that first child first. Sketch choreographic notes on how the members of this family move around each other in space.Write a scene in which a character is an adult using the child’s tactics, only in adult language and with adult understanding. Read it, and analyze the subtext between the characters. Write it again with a different character. And again with a different character. And again with the same character but a different outcome. And again with the same character but a different outcome.Write it as if it were your one chance in life to communicate what you need to communicate.This step is necessary to teach you compassion for every single character you create.
I'm going to work some more today on editing my current work and building those transition scenes I so desperately need. I'll report back tomorrow on my progress from these two steps.
So some advice from the editor to help me and anyone else become a better writer:
go to the last three people you’ve hurt in your life and ask them to talk to you for as long as they want about how it felt to them. Don’t respond, just listen. Endure the shame.This step is necessary to clean out the interior censor, the one who thinks there’s still time left to protect your reputation. There’s no time left. You’ve already long-since destroyed your reputation with the ones you love, the people who matter most. Welcome to the real world.If you’ve never hurt anyone, put down your keyboard and go apply for sainthood. You are the wrong kind of liar to be a writer.
So I will be making some phone calls later this evening. I'm actually pretty scared to do this because I HATE for people to be mad at me. :(
Spend one day watching children.Children are people confused by their world, without adequate skills to either communicate or function within the social norms of their tribe. Watch a family, preferably of several generations. Take copious notes on how they interact with each other—how they treat one child, how they respond to the child’s efforts to communicate and function, how they communicate with each other about the child, how they communicate with each other with no reference to the child at all. Take notes on how the child attempts or does not attempt to be involved with them. Now take the same notes on the other children, along with notes on why you picked that first child first. Sketch choreographic notes on how the members of this family move around each other in space.Write a scene in which a character is an adult using the child’s tactics, only in adult language and with adult understanding. Read it, and analyze the subtext between the characters. Write it again with a different character. And again with a different character. And again with the same character but a different outcome. And again with the same character but a different outcome.Write it as if it were your one chance in life to communicate what you need to communicate.This step is necessary to teach you compassion for every single character you create.
I'm going to work some more today on editing my current work and building those transition scenes I so desperately need. I'll report back tomorrow on my progress from these two steps.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Only Write the good stuff
Only writing the good stuff seems pretty obvious until you sit down to write. That's when you realize that you really don't want to write this scene because you're thinking of another scene thats more fun and more vivid in your mind, so you're bored, or disinterested in writing the scene before you. If i'm bored writing it it'll probably be boring reading it..that's what I keep telling myself which is why, a year later, i'm still writing the first half of this book. I'm going to buckle down and work on joining the scenes i've written and try to find some joy in doing so but this is where i'm reminded that writing is work it's not ALL fun and games. It's always fullfilling to see a story come together however and I've set myself a deadline of June 30th for the first 25 pages. Why June 30th? Because i'm taking the plunge and submitting it to a writing contest. If it's good enough to be considered for the 1000 dollars prize i'll count myself my on good and on the right track. Otherwise it's back to the drawing board. If I win...well i'll be a 1000 dollars richer and treating my only two critics Ebethteach and Roxanddak to a very nice meal ;) I never think my writing is good enough to win but I always hold out hope that i'm wrong.
So here's to One meeting my deadline and two getting up the courage to enter the Hidden Rivers Arts Awards contest.
So here's to One meeting my deadline and two getting up the courage to enter the Hidden Rivers Arts Awards contest.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Writing's Hard ya'll!!
I've said it before and i'll say it again and I'll keep saying it till someone stands up and says "Yeah I know this dude!" and we can stand there and eye each other in mutual understanding and solidarity.
No matter how hard it is and how much it breaks my heart I find that I keep coming back to it day after day after day. Like a glutton for punishment if i'm not actively writing i'm thinking about writing. If i'm not thinking about writing i'm reading, which inevitably leads me to thinking about writing. If I were catholic I'd have a name for this neurosis, Self-Flagellation, alas I am not Catholic so i'm just going to have make up a name for my neurosis. How does Writeaholic sound? Meh to predictable. What about Writerisis? Yeah I like that better too. Back to my original post, writing is hard work, it's not JUST about writing, if it were just about writing anyone could do it and let's face it we've all read some pretty bad books in our day. I live in constant fear of being one of those authors. You know the type, they wrote some pretty good stuff in the begining then resting on thier laurels they started to turn out some real crap and fed it to the masses. Of course that crap will make the NY Times best seller list regardless of the fact that everyone knows it's total crap. I don't want to write to write, I want to write to entertain and if i'm bored reading it then how do I expect anyone else to read it?
The hard part isn't writing that part is easy, no the hard part is having an idea, letting it ferment and grow and germinate and reach and unfurl until FINALLY it's all there a fully formed fetus ripe for the birthing. Sometimes that babie's ugly and requires quite a few face lifts to be digestible and sometimes it's ok looking from the start but it's, you know, average. Average is NOT what a writer sets out to be. We are telling stories people!!! You want to pay good money to see a movie that's average? No you don't!! As a matter of fact when you see the trailers if the movie looks average what do you say to yourself? You say "Self i'm not paying 9 bucks to see that average movie i'll wait till it goes to DVD and I can rent it for a buck". No one wants to write an average book and no one wants to watch an average movie. This is what makes writing hard. What seperates an average story from an exceptional story? What makes a story engaging, funny, tragic, sad, in short a story worth reading! I'm still figuring this out, i've been trying to figure it out for decades.
No matter how hard it is and how much it breaks my heart I find that I keep coming back to it day after day after day. Like a glutton for punishment if i'm not actively writing i'm thinking about writing. If i'm not thinking about writing i'm reading, which inevitably leads me to thinking about writing. If I were catholic I'd have a name for this neurosis, Self-Flagellation, alas I am not Catholic so i'm just going to have make up a name for my neurosis. How does Writeaholic sound? Meh to predictable. What about Writerisis? Yeah I like that better too. Back to my original post, writing is hard work, it's not JUST about writing, if it were just about writing anyone could do it and let's face it we've all read some pretty bad books in our day. I live in constant fear of being one of those authors. You know the type, they wrote some pretty good stuff in the begining then resting on thier laurels they started to turn out some real crap and fed it to the masses. Of course that crap will make the NY Times best seller list regardless of the fact that everyone knows it's total crap. I don't want to write to write, I want to write to entertain and if i'm bored reading it then how do I expect anyone else to read it?
The hard part isn't writing that part is easy, no the hard part is having an idea, letting it ferment and grow and germinate and reach and unfurl until FINALLY it's all there a fully formed fetus ripe for the birthing. Sometimes that babie's ugly and requires quite a few face lifts to be digestible and sometimes it's ok looking from the start but it's, you know, average. Average is NOT what a writer sets out to be. We are telling stories people!!! You want to pay good money to see a movie that's average? No you don't!! As a matter of fact when you see the trailers if the movie looks average what do you say to yourself? You say "Self i'm not paying 9 bucks to see that average movie i'll wait till it goes to DVD and I can rent it for a buck". No one wants to write an average book and no one wants to watch an average movie. This is what makes writing hard. What seperates an average story from an exceptional story? What makes a story engaging, funny, tragic, sad, in short a story worth reading! I'm still figuring this out, i've been trying to figure it out for decades.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Research????
I need to know more about biblical theology. The problem with that statement is it's theology..which basically means a lot of old dudes who can't agree on any one thing and wrote a bunch of papers on what they believe the bible is saying. Of course everyone contradicts each other and no one agrees so...yeah it makes writing a fictional story about a group of people who are a holdover from the Great Flood a tad bit harder....I need to schedule an appointment with my pastor he's a theological dude maybe he can shed some light on it for me. in the meantime I still have to find something to write about for two hours today..two total hours of writing...it's not easy folks. I mean i can write for two hours but most of it's crap, filler words, that sort of thing. Here's hoping my writers ADD doesn't distract me today...SQUIRREL!
What are the signs that Magnus is in the right or wrong place?
Here's the thing I don't really want there to be "signs" because being a Christian means we live our lives by faith and it extremely rare that we are given any kind of "sign" but today writing exercise is to do just that..so i'm off to go research some signs. I like subtle what do you think of subtle signs?
So here are some signs i've come up with the first is obvious "Stars" people are always looking to the heavens for signs and even Jesus had a special star to herald his birth. Another sign is animals, animals are used often to herald signs such as the white stag, white buffalo, ravens, owls that sort of thing. Stones and trees are used as well so basically anything that occurs naturally in nature. So a sign for Magnus...............I'm going to go with a dog now I just need to decide on a breed. I'm going to write a scene today and try out a chihuahua on the advice of Roxanne. After some research I discovered this breed of dog is decended from Mayan temple dogs called Techichi and those dogs were mute...too bad modern day Chihuahua's aren't. For the purpose of this scene i'm using the Techichi the Mayan temple dog.
What are the signs that Magnus is in the right or wrong place?
Here's the thing I don't really want there to be "signs" because being a Christian means we live our lives by faith and it extremely rare that we are given any kind of "sign" but today writing exercise is to do just that..so i'm off to go research some signs. I like subtle what do you think of subtle signs?
So here are some signs i've come up with the first is obvious "Stars" people are always looking to the heavens for signs and even Jesus had a special star to herald his birth. Another sign is animals, animals are used often to herald signs such as the white stag, white buffalo, ravens, owls that sort of thing. Stones and trees are used as well so basically anything that occurs naturally in nature. So a sign for Magnus...............I'm going to go with a dog now I just need to decide on a breed. I'm going to write a scene today and try out a chihuahua on the advice of Roxanne. After some research I discovered this breed of dog is decended from Mayan temple dogs called Techichi and those dogs were mute...too bad modern day Chihuahua's aren't. For the purpose of this scene i'm using the Techichi the Mayan temple dog.
Monday, June 13, 2011
The Verve and other random things
I need to write for two hours today...............tick tock tick tock nothings really coming to me so hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I know!!!! A descriptive scene of a place I used to live in using a Fantasia type of back drop!!! Yesssssssssss hopefully the verve will be with me today :)
Que creepy horror movie music:
This heap of rubble that Magnus stood on was known to the locals as 9 mile, not because it was located nine miles outside of town but because at it's top most peak it was 9 miles tall. Can you imagine it? A pile of rocks, loose dirt and stones dotted here and there by low lying Russian Thistles it's only inhabitants the rattlesnakes and yellow bellied marmots that built nests in the hollowed out places of the mountain. This heap of rubble was 9 miles tall and made up the outermost ring of mountains that curved around the small town of Windover and gave Magnus the vantage point he needed to scout the town below. There were six mountains in total that made up the protective ring around this valley and on the other side was the great Salt Flats. While Kyndl had warned him of the evil in this town he hadn't been able to really comprehend the vileness below him. The valley lay below dotted here and there by a handful of white lights barely visible through the dense fog of evil that lay over the entire valley. So few lights, so few true believers, he had heard of places like this at the Keep, back in St.Louis, but had never seen it himself. A nexus a place where one form of evil meets another and pools and seethes and swarms spiralling down down down until the people affected either end it themselves or suffocate and die. It doesn't matter much which way it goes they all end up dead in the end.
Windover was special it was not just a bad place it was a powerful nexus of immorality and cultic worship. Only in this town did the two things exist side by side. The divide was there clearly marked by the roads bisecting the town. As often happens in border towns this one was no different the more wealthy side that of the Nevada side had nice paved roads, clean neat yards, ok schools and a pretty little golf course, all paid for by the willing enslavement of those that both worked and lost thier wages at the casinos. On the Utah side the roads were cracked, worn through in areas, cheap run down apartments an even worse school and most of the people on this side of town lived in old run down single wide trailers permanently hitched to a lot. As a rule most Cults don't pay well but in the Mormon cult it's sort of a mandatory thing that you pay the church first. Unfortunatly for the Utah side of Windover the Church members resided on the Nevada side of the town and didn't really see the need to pay for the upkeep of the Utah side.
Kyndle had called this place a modern day Soddom and Gamorrah she had warned Magnus that the evil within was not something to be taken lightly and no amount of persuasion could convince her to come back here. She wouldn't talk about what had happened to her in this town but its after affects were there in the shadows of her eyes and the unconscious way she held her self defensively anytime the name was brought up.
My verve has run out..i had a clear picture where I was going with this and once again my own flowery words distracted me..i've got to be the worst ADD writer ever!!! I mean who gets distracted with thier own words? Some phrases i'm thinking of using: spritual bootcamp, salt of the earth, this little light of mine got snuffed out, like lambs to slaughter, Den of the Lotus People, if money's the root of all evil the great tree must spring forth from here, The underground lake in Windover is fathomless because it's collected all the tears of the sinners over the course of the centuries, It's just like a Watcher to interrupt my good time. I can resist anything except temptatoin.
well i did not quite make my two hour mark for writing :( sooo sad but on the upside i've made a new scene for my book!! yay and hopefully entertained you in the process...now tell me do you smell pancakes?
Que creepy horror movie music:
This heap of rubble that Magnus stood on was known to the locals as 9 mile, not because it was located nine miles outside of town but because at it's top most peak it was 9 miles tall. Can you imagine it? A pile of rocks, loose dirt and stones dotted here and there by low lying Russian Thistles it's only inhabitants the rattlesnakes and yellow bellied marmots that built nests in the hollowed out places of the mountain. This heap of rubble was 9 miles tall and made up the outermost ring of mountains that curved around the small town of Windover and gave Magnus the vantage point he needed to scout the town below. There were six mountains in total that made up the protective ring around this valley and on the other side was the great Salt Flats. While Kyndl had warned him of the evil in this town he hadn't been able to really comprehend the vileness below him. The valley lay below dotted here and there by a handful of white lights barely visible through the dense fog of evil that lay over the entire valley. So few lights, so few true believers, he had heard of places like this at the Keep, back in St.Louis, but had never seen it himself. A nexus a place where one form of evil meets another and pools and seethes and swarms spiralling down down down until the people affected either end it themselves or suffocate and die. It doesn't matter much which way it goes they all end up dead in the end.
Windover was special it was not just a bad place it was a powerful nexus of immorality and cultic worship. Only in this town did the two things exist side by side. The divide was there clearly marked by the roads bisecting the town. As often happens in border towns this one was no different the more wealthy side that of the Nevada side had nice paved roads, clean neat yards, ok schools and a pretty little golf course, all paid for by the willing enslavement of those that both worked and lost thier wages at the casinos. On the Utah side the roads were cracked, worn through in areas, cheap run down apartments an even worse school and most of the people on this side of town lived in old run down single wide trailers permanently hitched to a lot. As a rule most Cults don't pay well but in the Mormon cult it's sort of a mandatory thing that you pay the church first. Unfortunatly for the Utah side of Windover the Church members resided on the Nevada side of the town and didn't really see the need to pay for the upkeep of the Utah side.
Kyndle had called this place a modern day Soddom and Gamorrah she had warned Magnus that the evil within was not something to be taken lightly and no amount of persuasion could convince her to come back here. She wouldn't talk about what had happened to her in this town but its after affects were there in the shadows of her eyes and the unconscious way she held her self defensively anytime the name was brought up.
My verve has run out..i had a clear picture where I was going with this and once again my own flowery words distracted me..i've got to be the worst ADD writer ever!!! I mean who gets distracted with thier own words? Some phrases i'm thinking of using: spritual bootcamp, salt of the earth, this little light of mine got snuffed out, like lambs to slaughter, Den of the Lotus People, if money's the root of all evil the great tree must spring forth from here, The underground lake in Windover is fathomless because it's collected all the tears of the sinners over the course of the centuries, It's just like a Watcher to interrupt my good time. I can resist anything except temptatoin.
well i did not quite make my two hour mark for writing :( sooo sad but on the upside i've made a new scene for my book!! yay and hopefully entertained you in the process...now tell me do you smell pancakes?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Too sick :(
I was going to do some more editing on what i've written and try to flesh out and finish joining the scenes that I have written..then last night I was struck down with a horrible fever..terrible cough...and full body aches and pains...yes i'm sick! I hate being sick i'm like the worst patient ever. I hate taking medicine, I hate having to leave my husband to man the fort while i'm down and out and I hate headaches. I hate being sick...period..I don't get really sick very often but when I do it's usually multiple illnesses at once..sort of like my body is trying to take it all on at one time to get it over with. BOOO So here I sit at work feeling like death warmed over and all I can think about is laying my head down and praying to God that I make it through this day. I'd sure hate to miss work tomorrow but if i'm still feeling this bad i'll miss it...regardless of how upset my supervisor may be.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
moving slowly forward
Always in the past i've written essays, poems, short stories, simple small things. Last year and yes it's been a full year I took on the daunting task of writing a novel..a full blown novel. I couldn't tell how far i'd gotten so i copy and pasted the numerous journal entries into one big word doc. so i could see the progressions all at once...here's what i've discovered..I'm a terrrible writer! Seriously! a years worth of trying and all i've got to show for it are some disjointed scenes none of which really match up with each other..so i guess my next task as a novel writer will be to work on transition scenes from one to the other and HOPEFULLY the first HALF of this novel will come together by the end of this year..HOPEFULLY!!
On to family stuff:
This summer started with a bang for sure! We've had The Dinosaru Picnic at Vago Park as part of the Passport Playdates.
We've gone to another mommy friends house for a Memorial Day BBQ and Slip n'Slide fun
We've had Magnus's 2nd birthday party with his friend Bean,
We've gone to the Aquaport waterpark and it's only June 8th!! I'm exhausted and excited to see what the rest of our summer will bring to us :)
I believe we're going to go camping with our friend Amanda and her kids in July, I know we're planning a trip back down to my home to visit my Granny and Papa and see the rest of my family, then theres the Prater family reunion in August..phew and that's just what we know about!!
I've been giving some serious thought to finding a writers group. Much as i appreciate the feedback I'm given from one lone reader (you know who you are) I feel as if i've reached a place where I need some more in depth constructive critism. I need help developing my plot and filling out my characters..it's hard to write a novel and no one writes in a vacuum.
On to family stuff:
This summer started with a bang for sure! We've had The Dinosaru Picnic at Vago Park as part of the Passport Playdates.
We've gone to another mommy friends house for a Memorial Day BBQ and Slip n'Slide fun
We've had Magnus's 2nd birthday party with his friend Bean,
We've gone to the Aquaport waterpark and it's only June 8th!! I'm exhausted and excited to see what the rest of our summer will bring to us :)
I believe we're going to go camping with our friend Amanda and her kids in July, I know we're planning a trip back down to my home to visit my Granny and Papa and see the rest of my family, then theres the Prater family reunion in August..phew and that's just what we know about!!
I've been giving some serious thought to finding a writers group. Much as i appreciate the feedback I'm given from one lone reader (you know who you are) I feel as if i've reached a place where I need some more in depth constructive critism. I need help developing my plot and filling out my characters..it's hard to write a novel and no one writes in a vacuum.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
I'm a writer at heart and I love words! I love all words even the dead ones (may they rest in peace). I have compiled a list of words that I love but sadly no longer appear in the English Language. Today I'll be posting some of those words in the hopes that if we all begin using them again they may find a resurrection. If not well some of them are just fun to say :)
1. Jargogle
Verb trans. – “To confuse, jumble” – First of all this word is just fun to say in its various forms. John Locke used the word in a 1692 publication, writing “I fear, that the jumbling of those good and plausible Words in your Head..might a little jargogle your Thoughts…” I’m planning to use it next time my husband attempts to explain complicated car mechanic concepts to me for fun: “Seriously, I don’t need you to further jargogle my brain.”
2. Deliciate
Verb intr. – “To take one’s pleasure, enjoy oneself, revel, luxuriate” – Often I feel the word “enjoy” just isn’t enough to describe an experience, and “revel” tends to conjure up images of people dancing and spinning around in circles – at least in my head. “Deliciate” would be a welcome addition to the modern English vocabulary, as in “After dinner, we deliciated in chocolate cream pie.”
3. Corrade
Verb trans. – “To scrape together; to gather together from various sources” – I’m sure this wasn’t the original meaning of the word, but when I read the definition I immediately thought of copy-pasting. Any English teacher can picture what a corraded assignment looks like.
4. Kench
Verb intr. – “To laugh loudly” – This Middle English word sounds like it would do well in describing one of those times when you inadvertently laugh out loud while reading a text message in class and manage to thoroughly embarrass yourself.
5. Ludibrious
Adj. – “Apt to be a subject of jest or mockery” – This word describes a person, thing or situation that is likely to be the butt of jokes. Use it when you want to sound justified in poking fun at someone. “How could I resist? He’s just so ludibrious.”
6. Sanguinolency
Noun – “Addiction to bloodshed” – Could be a useful word for history majors and gamers, as in “Genghis Khan was quite the sanguinolent fellow” or “Do you think spending six hours a day playing Postal 2 actually fosters sanguinolency?”
7. Jollux
Noun - Slang phrase used in the late 18th century to describe a “fat person” – Although I’m not sure whether this word was used crudely or in more of a lighthearted manner, to me it sounds like a nicer way to refer to someone who is overweight. “Fat” has such a negative connotation in English, but if you say “He’s a bit of a jollux” it doesn’t sound so bad!
8. Malagrugrous
Adj. – “Dismal” – This adjective is from Scots and may be derived from an old Irish word that refers to the wrinkling of one’s brow. An 1826 example of its use is “He looketh malagrugorous and world-wearied.” I’m tempted to also make the word into a noun: “Stop being such a malagrug!”
9. Brabble
Verb – “To quarrel about trifles; esp. to quarrel noisily, brawl, squabble” – Brabble basically means to argue loudly about something that doesn’t really matter, as in “Why are we still brabbling about who left the dirty spoon on the kitchen table?” You can also use it as a noun: “Stop that ridiculous brabble and do something useful!”
10. Freck
Verb intr. – “To move swiftly or nimbly” – I can think of a lot of ways to use this one, like “I hate it when I’m frecking through the airport and other people are going so slow.”
Those are just some fun words I love to say. The added bonus is when you use them you instantly sound smarter ;)
1. Jargogle
Verb trans. – “To confuse, jumble” – First of all this word is just fun to say in its various forms. John Locke used the word in a 1692 publication, writing “I fear, that the jumbling of those good and plausible Words in your Head..might a little jargogle your Thoughts…” I’m planning to use it next time my husband attempts to explain complicated car mechanic concepts to me for fun: “Seriously, I don’t need you to further jargogle my brain.”
2. Deliciate
Verb intr. – “To take one’s pleasure, enjoy oneself, revel, luxuriate” – Often I feel the word “enjoy” just isn’t enough to describe an experience, and “revel” tends to conjure up images of people dancing and spinning around in circles – at least in my head. “Deliciate” would be a welcome addition to the modern English vocabulary, as in “After dinner, we deliciated in chocolate cream pie.”
3. Corrade
Verb trans. – “To scrape together; to gather together from various sources” – I’m sure this wasn’t the original meaning of the word, but when I read the definition I immediately thought of copy-pasting. Any English teacher can picture what a corraded assignment looks like.
4. Kench
Verb intr. – “To laugh loudly” – This Middle English word sounds like it would do well in describing one of those times when you inadvertently laugh out loud while reading a text message in class and manage to thoroughly embarrass yourself.
5. Ludibrious
Adj. – “Apt to be a subject of jest or mockery” – This word describes a person, thing or situation that is likely to be the butt of jokes. Use it when you want to sound justified in poking fun at someone. “How could I resist? He’s just so ludibrious.”
6. Sanguinolency
Noun – “Addiction to bloodshed” – Could be a useful word for history majors and gamers, as in “Genghis Khan was quite the sanguinolent fellow” or “Do you think spending six hours a day playing Postal 2 actually fosters sanguinolency?”
7. Jollux
Noun - Slang phrase used in the late 18th century to describe a “fat person” – Although I’m not sure whether this word was used crudely or in more of a lighthearted manner, to me it sounds like a nicer way to refer to someone who is overweight. “Fat” has such a negative connotation in English, but if you say “He’s a bit of a jollux” it doesn’t sound so bad!
8. Malagrugrous
Adj. – “Dismal” – This adjective is from Scots and may be derived from an old Irish word that refers to the wrinkling of one’s brow. An 1826 example of its use is “He looketh malagrugorous and world-wearied.” I’m tempted to also make the word into a noun: “Stop being such a malagrug!”
9. Brabble
Verb – “To quarrel about trifles; esp. to quarrel noisily, brawl, squabble” – Brabble basically means to argue loudly about something that doesn’t really matter, as in “Why are we still brabbling about who left the dirty spoon on the kitchen table?” You can also use it as a noun: “Stop that ridiculous brabble and do something useful!”
10. Freck
Verb intr. – “To move swiftly or nimbly” – I can think of a lot of ways to use this one, like “I hate it when I’m frecking through the airport and other people are going so slow.”
Those are just some fun words I love to say. The added bonus is when you use them you instantly sound smarter ;)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
End of School Stuff
This years end of school activities included two graduations for our family. A Preschool Graduation and an 8th grade graduation. We are so pleased that both of our children excelled in school this year. It was stressful no doubt but now that it's over i'm hoping we can all relax for a few weeks before we begin getting ready for the next year. A milestone for both children as one starts Kindergarten and the other begins High School *eeeek*!!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Mental Static
that's pretty much it the whole month of April was one big mental blow out! I'm still dealing with mental static trying my best to find a way to get the cobwebs and ADD out of my head. I hate this inability to focus it puts a serious damper on my writing!!! grrr!
Friday, April 15, 2011
One of my favorites
I love this writers blog..because he's a writer and he blogs about writing and about writers. Today I read one of his blogs that had me rolling but it is also sooo very very true!! Here is it for your viewing pleasure :) Beware Of Writer: Ten Very Good Reasons To Get Far The Fuck Away From Us Writer Types I’ve seen a meme bouncing around that reveals reasons why you shouldn’t ever date a writer. It’s true, to a point. But I think it goes even deeper than that. Frankly, you should probably get the hell away from us. Anybody. Not just the people we date. But everybody. See us in line at the grocery store? Run, don’t walk. Escape. Avoid. Awooga, awooga. On a good day, we’re eccentric troublemakers. On a bad day, we’re malevolent sociopaths. And with writers, it’s usually a bad day. So. Here’s a little post to clarify why you should stay at least 50 feet away from us at all times, lest we sink our vampire teeth into your body and drain you of all the things that made you pure and good. See, the things that make us good writers? They make us awful people. Imagine a sign around our necks: BEWARE OF WRITER. The Glass Is Not Half-Empty, But Rather, Full Of Badger Piss We are all pessimists, cynics, hypochondriacs and conspiracy theorists. In our fiction, the world must be broken. We must think of the worst. It’s what fuels the fire. Nobody wants to read a story about happy ponies sipping from the molasses pond and then they all dance and have all the hay they want and rainbows and bags of gold and leprechauns and *poop noise* — that’s just pap. Twee, waffling pap. Fiction demands that we go to the well and draw up the most stagnant water we can find, and so we look for the worst in the world around us. We get used to it. We accept it as the norm. We know the worst can happen. We know it because we write about it. Some dude will come up behind you on the park bench and saw your head off. Your plane? Gonna crash. That mole in your armpit? ARMPIT CANCER. Please Ignore Our Forked Tongues We are lying liars who lie. We have to be. Fiction is a lie. Non-fiction is, in its own way, a lie. When writing, deception is a skill. This, like so much of the thread that goes into our wretched quilt, trails into our real lives and ensures that the best writers make the most powerful liars. We can convince you of anything. We don’t mean to. It’s just — well, it’s like John Cusack’s character says in Grosse Pointe Blank: Martin: You do it because you are trained to do it, you have the strength to do it and the courage to do it… and ultimately (pause) you get to like it. I know that sounds bad. Debi: You’re a psychopath. Martin: No, no, no. Psychopaths kill for no reason, I kill for money, it’s a job — that didn’t sound right. For the record, if you don’t like that movie, you’re dead to me. I lie to my wife all the time, by the way. Not in bad ways. I’ve learned to control my foul serpent’s tongue. Now I just see if I can convince her of truly egregious lies. Like, I once convinced her I was born with a tail? I know, horrible, right? But at least I’m not lying about, you know, real shit. That’s what I tell myself. You Are Wrong About Everything, Even When You’re Not We make shit up all day long, and then we must write about that made-up shit with utter authority. It is our job to write with abject confidence in the subject matter. You know in high school you’d write papers that were, as you might say, “bullshit?” And you could convince the teacher of it? Yeah. This is like that. Except we start to believe that our confidence in information extends beyond the written page. And so we frequently believe ourselves to be right. Like, beyond the pale. “Yes,” you say, “I’m sure that the guy who played on the show, Frasier, is Lee Marvin’s son.” “He’s not.” “No, no, it’s true. I’m sure of it.” “I really don’t think that’s right…” “WELL YOU’RE STUPID AND YOUR HEAD IS STUPID. Remember how wrong you were about that thing seven weeks ago?” We like to do this. God forbid we’re actually ever right about something because dang will we hold onto that like a squirrel with a nut. “I’m right. I’m a writer. It’s even in the word. It used to be spelled R-I-G-H-T-E-R. It’s my job to know things.” No, it’s your job to make shit up and pretend it’s true. But the lines? They blur. Conflict And Misery Make For A Much Better Story! In life, we avoid conflict. In fiction, we strive for it. Except, remember how I said something about the lines blurring? Mmm. Yeah. We get to a state where escalation and drama feel normal. We work to achieve those things so diligently that it’s hard to snap out of that mode. In a fight, we’re likelier to escalate beyond the point of rationality because — hey, whoever is up there in Never-Never-Land reading this Book Of Your Life is going to appreciate your attention to these details. “Yeah,” your imaginary cosmic reader says, “now break that plate! Do it! Kick the car door and put a dent in it! Conflict! Escalation! Drama!” Of course, no such cosmic reader exists. Our lives are not big books. But don’t tell us that, or we’ll stab you in the thigh with a #2 pencil. Ich Bin Ein Puppetmeister We control our characters. Don’t believe the nonsense that we’re swept away the Muse and the characters control us. Pshhh. Naw. Nuh-uh. We’re the puppetmasters. And so in life, we get confused when we can’t control you and everyone else around us. Oh, I didn’t say we wouldn’t try, though. The Writer Is A Creepy Loner We do so well alone that we don’t always do so well with other people. If we were a dog, the warning on our kennel door would say, “Not Socialized.” Or, “Doesn’t Play Well With Others.” Or, “Will Stab You In The Thigh With A Pencil.” We don’t so much like being solitary. It’s just our natural state. So when you finally find us, we’re naked, covered in our own filth, picking bits of ham and apple pie crust out of our chest hairs. We are basically some genetic combination between “earthworm” and “Bigfoot.” Bigworm. Or Earthfoot. Snuggle Up With Mental Illness When writing, a little dab of mental illness is a feature, not a bug. Our obsessions and neuroses drive us to the word count with the verve and tenacity of a crack-addled howler monkey. Our depressive tendencies, provided they allow us to get out of bed, show us a broken world, and as noted, a broken world is particularly good for our fiction. Our Narcissism and megalomania helps us get through the day by convincing us we’re actually really awesome at this, yeah, fuck yeah, woooo, and then those depressive tendencies kick in again and bring us back to earth and drive us to improve, improve, improve our shit-ass-crap-twat writing. We’re like addicts, pinballing back and forth between uppers and downers, smart drugs and hallucinogens. Thing is, when not writing, a little dab of mental illness is a big ol’ bug and not much of a feature (outside our ability to entertain others with our misery and melodrama). Like A Photograph, We Will Steal Your Souls Just as we are liars, we are also thieves. Your life is our fiction. Oh, no, we don’t steal it on purpose. As noted: we have compulsions. That whole write-what-you-know thing? It’s not advice. It’s a curse. Don’t worry. We won’t use your soul exactly as it has been taken. We’ll fuck with it first. Molest it with our greasy ham-hands. Of course, you’ll be reading something and say, “Is that me?” And the writer will say, “No, no, of course not.” Because the writer is a stinky poo-poo liar who fucking lies. Our Writing Is A Temple: Do Not Defile It Lest You Rouse The Anger Of The Gods We elevate our writing to sacred cosmic necessity. If you befoul the temple with your distraction — even if that distraction is, say, “Hey, I’m being eaten to death by mice over here, so if you could maybe kick a few of these guys off of me?” — you will earn our wrath. “No, I cannot help you with your bullshit flesh-eating mouse problem I TOLD YOU I WAS WRITING JESUS CHRIST YOU DON’T RESPECT ME.” Last But Not Least, We’ll Try To Force You To Read Our Shit “Here,” we’ll say, dropping a 50-lb. manuscript in your lap. “It’s my masterpiece.” “Okay,” you’ll respond. “Read it.” “It’s awfully big.” “Yeah, but read it anyway.” “Okay. I have some things to take care of first like, say, getting these mice to stop boring holes in my flesh.” “Sweet.” Two days later, we return: “Did you read it?” “OW THE MICE ARE IN MY BRAIN” “I guess that’s a no.” <– insert disappointed pout. “CHEWING MY SYNAPSES” “Pshh. You don’t respect me and my work.” Then we storm out. (It’s Not All That Bad) Okay, yeah, we’re sort of apeshit moonbat, but once we become aware of our, umm, danger signs, we can mitigate our worst behaviors. But still, let this serve as a warning. Writers sometimes seem brightly colored and fascinating, but really, those are just nature’s way of warning you off. We’re like tropical toads. Oh so pretty! Want to touch the toady! Except: poisonous skin that kills with one touch. Beware of writer.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Self Directed Writing Exercise #7
Time Required: two hours
Here's How:
Choose a scene from one of your short stories or novels that seems to drag. Scenes designed to be more action-oriented are particularly well-suited to this exercise.
Rewrite the scene as a play or screenplay. In other words, tell the story using only dialogue and brief descriptions of action and characters. (If you aren't familiar with screenwriting or playwrighting formats, don't worry. This isn't an exercise in formatting, but in thinking visually.)
Practice economy. Think strategically about how character can be revealed through action and dialogue. (Syd Field has excellent examples of how this can be done in his classic book, "Screenplay.") Instead of telling the reader what a character is like, find a way to illustrate character as the plot unfolds.
Rewrite the scene in prose, abstaining from back story and long descriptions, and incorporating some of the details you have added in writing it as a screenplay.
Take a few days off from the work and return to it later, noting how the pace of the work has changed.
Tips:
In some instances, backstory will be necessary to the plot of a story. Determine what's absolutely necessary and what the reader can surmise from the dialogue and the action. Readers generally pick up on and remember more details than you might expect.
Don't confuse foward-moving fiction with fiction written for the screen. It's possible to write rich, literary work that also has movement.
It's easy enough to reinsert any necessary information later. When you start to get feedback on the work, people will let you know if anything is confusing:
You're supposed to do this exercise with a scene you've already written but after going back and looking at what i've written I don't know that any of them lend themselves to this exercise. Sooooo in the spirit of adventure and the fact that I HAVE to write for two hours everyday i'm going to create a scene in dialogue. Feel free to rip it apart in editing as today it's just a writing exercise ;-)
"I am so sick of having first watch Kevan".
"Aww Page it could be worse ya know you could have last watch, or second to last watch, or hell you could be the one out in the forest foraging for food".
"Yeah except I don't know the differance between a poisonous mushroom and a tasty one, also I don't like domestic labor Kevan it gives me the willies"
"Oh aye you'll make some man a wonderful wife Page"
"I've no intentions of making some man a wonderful anything! I've devoted my life to the Watchers and small children disgust me, they're sticky and are always wiping grossness off on people! No thank you this chicka will pass"
"Wow you're that sure you'll be celibate the rest of your life Page? I'm two years older than you and at 17 i'm not even sure i'm ready to call it quits on that part of my life!"
"Here! Here! Gavin!"
"Oh stop it both of you and leave Page alone. If she says she's made up her mind then she has you know girls mature faster than men anyway so technically Page is a year older than you Gavin and Kevan we all know you just want to flirt with anything of the opposite sex".
"Thanks Annabeth. It's good to know at least someone understands where i'm coming from!"
"What are you all talking about?"
"Hey Magnus, Kindyl, think you could settle this debate?"
"What debate Gavin?"
"Well Page says she's not gonna be anyone's wife or mother and Annabeth says that since girls mature faster than us guys that technically she's a year older than me. She also says Kevan is a horrible flirt and will hit on anything that moves."
"Hmm doesn't sound like much of a debate to me Gavin. Sounds more like you want Kindyl and I to make a ruling on ya'lls argument and I'm not sure that you and Kevan really have a leg to stand on here".
"Well baby brother the good news is we're not reliant on a logical ruling so you can relax and let your more base instincts rule here."
"Oh that's nice Gavin just reduce your higher thinking brother to the level of a caveman"
"I saw you roll your eyes at me Page".
"Children, children calm down the real argument here is whether or not Page is old enough to have pledged her entire life to the organization alone. Not whether or not Gavin is an immature slob, which we already know to be true, or that Kevan is a lad with a wandering eye, something we also already know to be true. So to be fair and unbiased we'd have to consult the Good Book!"
"Wow you brandished that about rather dramatically Kindyl I hope you have a specific passage you're going to refer to, be a shame to ruin all that drama with no idea of where to go."
"Gee, Gavin you are such a treasure! I can't understand why some girl hasn't snatched you up for her own yet?"
"He hasn't found anyone desperate enough to settle that's why Kindyl"
Here's How:
Choose a scene from one of your short stories or novels that seems to drag. Scenes designed to be more action-oriented are particularly well-suited to this exercise.
Rewrite the scene as a play or screenplay. In other words, tell the story using only dialogue and brief descriptions of action and characters. (If you aren't familiar with screenwriting or playwrighting formats, don't worry. This isn't an exercise in formatting, but in thinking visually.)
Practice economy. Think strategically about how character can be revealed through action and dialogue. (Syd Field has excellent examples of how this can be done in his classic book, "Screenplay.") Instead of telling the reader what a character is like, find a way to illustrate character as the plot unfolds.
Rewrite the scene in prose, abstaining from back story and long descriptions, and incorporating some of the details you have added in writing it as a screenplay.
Take a few days off from the work and return to it later, noting how the pace of the work has changed.
Tips:
In some instances, backstory will be necessary to the plot of a story. Determine what's absolutely necessary and what the reader can surmise from the dialogue and the action. Readers generally pick up on and remember more details than you might expect.
Don't confuse foward-moving fiction with fiction written for the screen. It's possible to write rich, literary work that also has movement.
It's easy enough to reinsert any necessary information later. When you start to get feedback on the work, people will let you know if anything is confusing:
You're supposed to do this exercise with a scene you've already written but after going back and looking at what i've written I don't know that any of them lend themselves to this exercise. Sooooo in the spirit of adventure and the fact that I HAVE to write for two hours everyday i'm going to create a scene in dialogue. Feel free to rip it apart in editing as today it's just a writing exercise ;-)
"I am so sick of having first watch Kevan".
"Aww Page it could be worse ya know you could have last watch, or second to last watch, or hell you could be the one out in the forest foraging for food".
"Yeah except I don't know the differance between a poisonous mushroom and a tasty one, also I don't like domestic labor Kevan it gives me the willies"
"Oh aye you'll make some man a wonderful wife Page"
"I've no intentions of making some man a wonderful anything! I've devoted my life to the Watchers and small children disgust me, they're sticky and are always wiping grossness off on people! No thank you this chicka will pass"
"Wow you're that sure you'll be celibate the rest of your life Page? I'm two years older than you and at 17 i'm not even sure i'm ready to call it quits on that part of my life!"
"Here! Here! Gavin!"
"Oh stop it both of you and leave Page alone. If she says she's made up her mind then she has you know girls mature faster than men anyway so technically Page is a year older than you Gavin and Kevan we all know you just want to flirt with anything of the opposite sex".
"Thanks Annabeth. It's good to know at least someone understands where i'm coming from!"
"What are you all talking about?"
"Hey Magnus, Kindyl, think you could settle this debate?"
"What debate Gavin?"
"Well Page says she's not gonna be anyone's wife or mother and Annabeth says that since girls mature faster than us guys that technically she's a year older than me. She also says Kevan is a horrible flirt and will hit on anything that moves."
"Hmm doesn't sound like much of a debate to me Gavin. Sounds more like you want Kindyl and I to make a ruling on ya'lls argument and I'm not sure that you and Kevan really have a leg to stand on here".
"Well baby brother the good news is we're not reliant on a logical ruling so you can relax and let your more base instincts rule here."
"Oh that's nice Gavin just reduce your higher thinking brother to the level of a caveman"
"I saw you roll your eyes at me Page".
"Children, children calm down the real argument here is whether or not Page is old enough to have pledged her entire life to the organization alone. Not whether or not Gavin is an immature slob, which we already know to be true, or that Kevan is a lad with a wandering eye, something we also already know to be true. So to be fair and unbiased we'd have to consult the Good Book!"
"Wow you brandished that about rather dramatically Kindyl I hope you have a specific passage you're going to refer to, be a shame to ruin all that drama with no idea of where to go."
"Gee, Gavin you are such a treasure! I can't understand why some girl hasn't snatched you up for her own yet?"
"He hasn't found anyone desperate enough to settle that's why Kindyl"
Monday, March 14, 2011
Self Directed writing exercise#6
This exercise is quite possibly the most difficult, demanding and important exercise a writer can ever do. The poet and critic, T. S. Eliot, coined the phrase "objective correlative" to designate what he believed was the most important element in writing: Rendering the description of an object so that the emotional state of the character from whose point of view we receive the description is revealed WITHOUT ever telling the reader what that emotional state is or what has motivated it.
The late John Gardner, recognized in his lifetime as the leading creative writing teacher in the United States, developed the following exercise for students:
A middle-age man is waiting at a bus stop. He has just learned that his son has died violently. Describe the setting from the man's point of view WITHOUT telling your reader what has happened. How will the street look to this man? What are the sounds? Odors? Colors? That this man will notice? What will his clothes feel like? Write a 250 word description.
I'm going to tweak this exercise a bit because I've got an idea of scene I want to write for my own book.
Andrea heard the generals boots long before she smelled him coming. The dinstintive ring of the his metal heels striking the stone floor of the dungeon down below always reminded her of silver bells. If she ever got out of this place alive she would never again be able to endure that damn sound! She could hear the other occupants of the cells scurry to hide and a few whimpers and cries floated out of the darkness. Not for the first time Andrea wondered who else occupied the cells down here and how long they had been here. When she had first woken up from the drug induced sleep she was too distracted with her own fear to take into account her surroundings. Now she cursed herself for a fool for not paying closer attention before they brought her down here. She was a fully trained Praetorian Guard she knew better than to let an emotion rule over her like that! Andrea snorted indelicatly and thought about what her brothers would say if they were here, Gavin would probably crack some joke about her being a chicken and Magnus would just pat her on the back with that look on his face. Just the thought of it made her blood boil and her anger helped clear her mind and sharpen her focus. If she were going to get out of here and be of any use to anyone again she'd have to keep her wits about her.
General Bertram always derived a sick sort of pleasure in hearing the scurry of his prisoners in their cells. He wore these particular boots everytime he paid a visit to his "honored guests" knowing the sound would echo sweetly off the stone and announce his presence to those locked in the dark and dank cells. Bertram would recieve no pleasure in this evenings errand however, he was distracted with one prisoner in particular, so much so that he was finding it difficult to focus on the larger scheme. He was so distracted he didn't even notice he had walked by the prisoners cell until he was three doors down from it. Turning quickly on his heel he marched back to prisoner 242's cell door and barked out an order to his jailor to open it up!
Inside her cell Andrea could hear General Bertrams footsteps ring past her door. She felt her body relax, unaware that she had been holding herself rigid until then. Just as she was about to go back to feeling along the stone walls for some sort of way out she heard the Generals footsteps back track. Why would General Bertram be back tracking? Andrea cocked her head to the side and pressed her ear up against her cell door trying to hear what was going on, all of a sudden her head was ringing as she heard him call out to the jailor to open the cell door for prisoner 242. Whoever prisoner 242 was it sounded like they were in for a long, unpleasant visit with the General.
The late John Gardner, recognized in his lifetime as the leading creative writing teacher in the United States, developed the following exercise for students:
A middle-age man is waiting at a bus stop. He has just learned that his son has died violently. Describe the setting from the man's point of view WITHOUT telling your reader what has happened. How will the street look to this man? What are the sounds? Odors? Colors? That this man will notice? What will his clothes feel like? Write a 250 word description.
I'm going to tweak this exercise a bit because I've got an idea of scene I want to write for my own book.
Andrea heard the generals boots long before she smelled him coming. The dinstintive ring of the his metal heels striking the stone floor of the dungeon down below always reminded her of silver bells. If she ever got out of this place alive she would never again be able to endure that damn sound! She could hear the other occupants of the cells scurry to hide and a few whimpers and cries floated out of the darkness. Not for the first time Andrea wondered who else occupied the cells down here and how long they had been here. When she had first woken up from the drug induced sleep she was too distracted with her own fear to take into account her surroundings. Now she cursed herself for a fool for not paying closer attention before they brought her down here. She was a fully trained Praetorian Guard she knew better than to let an emotion rule over her like that! Andrea snorted indelicatly and thought about what her brothers would say if they were here, Gavin would probably crack some joke about her being a chicken and Magnus would just pat her on the back with that look on his face. Just the thought of it made her blood boil and her anger helped clear her mind and sharpen her focus. If she were going to get out of here and be of any use to anyone again she'd have to keep her wits about her.
General Bertram always derived a sick sort of pleasure in hearing the scurry of his prisoners in their cells. He wore these particular boots everytime he paid a visit to his "honored guests" knowing the sound would echo sweetly off the stone and announce his presence to those locked in the dark and dank cells. Bertram would recieve no pleasure in this evenings errand however, he was distracted with one prisoner in particular, so much so that he was finding it difficult to focus on the larger scheme. He was so distracted he didn't even notice he had walked by the prisoners cell until he was three doors down from it. Turning quickly on his heel he marched back to prisoner 242's cell door and barked out an order to his jailor to open it up!
Inside her cell Andrea could hear General Bertrams footsteps ring past her door. She felt her body relax, unaware that she had been holding herself rigid until then. Just as she was about to go back to feeling along the stone walls for some sort of way out she heard the Generals footsteps back track. Why would General Bertram be back tracking? Andrea cocked her head to the side and pressed her ear up against her cell door trying to hear what was going on, all of a sudden her head was ringing as she heard him call out to the jailor to open the cell door for prisoner 242. Whoever prisoner 242 was it sounded like they were in for a long, unpleasant visit with the General.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Self Directed Writing assn. #5
Write a narrative descriptive passage in a vernacular other than your own. Listen to the way people speak in a bar, restaurant, barber shop, or some other public place where folks who speak differently ("He has an accent!") from you, and try to capture that linguistic flavor on the page.
Magnus reached down and helped Kindyl to stand, he looked her over for injuries and seeing none he felt relief rush through him, until he saw the brief glint of guilt in Kindyls eyes. Whatever that blast had been Kindyl knew something about it and Magnus was determined to find out what it was. He didn't have time to question her now and for that Kindyl was relieved she needed time to think and time enough to figure a way out of this impossible situation. How did she always find herself in these predicaments!
"Oy Kindyl come over 'ere and check this out" Kevan yelled.
Kindyl scrambled the rest of the way to her feet and rushed over to Kevan.
"what's up Kevan? Did you find something?" said Page dusting herself off and walking over to the blast site.
"Mebbe I needs Kindyl to look a'it and tell me what she thinks. I'm thinkin' mebbe it's a light grenade but wit'out the punch ya know?"
Kevans parents were Scots/Irish and he came to the Keep to be trained only a few years ago. Magnus and Gavin had gotten used to the odd tempo of Kevans speech but newcomers still had a hard time understanding him. Kindyl wasn't sure whether he had said light or lot, she was still struggling with what he had said when she reached the blast site.
"Keendyl I needs ya to put on them special glasses ya got and look at this" Kevan handed a smooth rod covered in what appeared to be squiggly lines over to Kindyl.
Kindyl didn't need the glasses to see what was hidden on that rod. She'd seen this before the night that old crone at the fair had called her into her fortune telling tent. Making a show of needing the goggles Kindyl pulled them up from around her neck and adjusted the superviolet lens's pretending to focus on the rod. Hoping against hope she was wrong she watched in dismay as the superviolet words appeared "They will not control us, they will not be victorious, we see you even when you don't see us". Those words haunted Kindyl's every waking moment and her dreaming ones as well. Pulling off the goggles Kindyl looked up and said "It's not a light grenade, the markings are wrong and the superviolet is off. Could be a bad copy but meh who knows, might be why there was no punch to it".
"heh weel I guess I was wrong, but I wonder why sumun would go through all the trubble of makin' a fake bomb?"
Magnus reached down and helped Kindyl to stand, he looked her over for injuries and seeing none he felt relief rush through him, until he saw the brief glint of guilt in Kindyls eyes. Whatever that blast had been Kindyl knew something about it and Magnus was determined to find out what it was. He didn't have time to question her now and for that Kindyl was relieved she needed time to think and time enough to figure a way out of this impossible situation. How did she always find herself in these predicaments!
"Oy Kindyl come over 'ere and check this out" Kevan yelled.
Kindyl scrambled the rest of the way to her feet and rushed over to Kevan.
"what's up Kevan? Did you find something?" said Page dusting herself off and walking over to the blast site.
"Mebbe I needs Kindyl to look a'it and tell me what she thinks. I'm thinkin' mebbe it's a light grenade but wit'out the punch ya know?"
Kevans parents were Scots/Irish and he came to the Keep to be trained only a few years ago. Magnus and Gavin had gotten used to the odd tempo of Kevans speech but newcomers still had a hard time understanding him. Kindyl wasn't sure whether he had said light or lot, she was still struggling with what he had said when she reached the blast site.
"Keendyl I needs ya to put on them special glasses ya got and look at this" Kevan handed a smooth rod covered in what appeared to be squiggly lines over to Kindyl.
Kindyl didn't need the glasses to see what was hidden on that rod. She'd seen this before the night that old crone at the fair had called her into her fortune telling tent. Making a show of needing the goggles Kindyl pulled them up from around her neck and adjusted the superviolet lens's pretending to focus on the rod. Hoping against hope she was wrong she watched in dismay as the superviolet words appeared "They will not control us, they will not be victorious, we see you even when you don't see us". Those words haunted Kindyl's every waking moment and her dreaming ones as well. Pulling off the goggles Kindyl looked up and said "It's not a light grenade, the markings are wrong and the superviolet is off. Could be a bad copy but meh who knows, might be why there was no punch to it".
"heh weel I guess I was wrong, but I wonder why sumun would go through all the trubble of makin' a fake bomb?"
Self Directed Writing #4
Writing Character Profiles - Additional Questions
If your character has a job, is he or she good at it? Does he or she like it?
What are your character's bad habits?
Magnus has a tendancy to overthink a situation which may cost him valuable time. He also has a deep rooted sense of justice that can sometimes lend itself to coldness judging in black and white rather than seeing the gray areas. Due to Magnus's need to evaluate, weigh, and measure every situation and person he meets he can sometimes come off as distant, cold, and arrogant though nothing could be farther from the truth.
If you asked about his or her greatest dream, what would your character tell you?
Magnus's greatest dream is to follow in his fathers footsteps and become head of the Praetorian Guards. He dreams of being a brilliant military strategist with the ability to be a confidant leader.
What's a secret dream that he or she wouldn't tell you about?
Secretly Magnus wishes to find his soulmate. A woman who completes and compliments him in every way. A woman who is strong where he is weak and who has the humility to allow him to be strong where she is weak.
What kind of person does your character wish he or she could be? What is stopping him or her?
Magnus wishes he could be more spontaneous and lighthearted like his older brother Gavin, he is slightly jealous of Gavin's ease and confidence around other people and wishes he could make friends as easily as Gavin.
What stops Magnus from being as extrobverted as Gavin is his need to have all the information before he acts. Magnus is driven by his own inner compass and is at most times a slave to it.
What is your character afraid of? What keeps him or her up at night?
Magnus's biggest fear is failure or not doing the right thing because he made a bad judgement call.
What does your character think is his or her worst quality?
Magnus believes his worst quality is his inablity to "let go". he has a tendancy to overthing a situation or read too much into what someone or something is.
What do other people think your character's worst quality is?
Other people see his worst quality as being his percieved cold, dispassionate demenour when making a judgement call.
What is a talent your character thinks he or she has but is very wrong about?
Magnus thinks he is good at blending into any given situation but he doesn't he stands out no matter what because his eyes always give him away.
What did his or her childhood home look like?
Who was his or her first love?
Magnus hasn't had a first love yet. I'm toying with the idea of it being the character Kindyl. that however is subject to change. :D
What's the most terrible thing that ever happened to him/her?
The most terrible thing to happen to Magnus is the abduction of his mother and older sister Andrea.
What was his/her dream growing up?Magnus is 15 years old at this current moment his greatest ambition in life is to become a strong leader like his father.
Did he/she achieve this dream? Not yet. If so, in what ways was it not what the character expected?
If your character never achieved the dream, why not?Magnus is in the process of becoming a leader and fulfilling the power of his name.
In what situation would your character become violent?
Only in a situation that demanded it. Such a battle, or if one of his loved ones were physically threatened with death.
In what situation would your character act heroic?
Magnus is the reluctant hero. He would only act heroic if he was driven to it or if he truly felt as if he were the only one capable of doing what needed to be done.
If your character has a job, is he or she good at it? Does he or she like it?
What are your character's bad habits?
Magnus has a tendancy to overthink a situation which may cost him valuable time. He also has a deep rooted sense of justice that can sometimes lend itself to coldness judging in black and white rather than seeing the gray areas. Due to Magnus's need to evaluate, weigh, and measure every situation and person he meets he can sometimes come off as distant, cold, and arrogant though nothing could be farther from the truth.
If you asked about his or her greatest dream, what would your character tell you?
Magnus's greatest dream is to follow in his fathers footsteps and become head of the Praetorian Guards. He dreams of being a brilliant military strategist with the ability to be a confidant leader.
What's a secret dream that he or she wouldn't tell you about?
Secretly Magnus wishes to find his soulmate. A woman who completes and compliments him in every way. A woman who is strong where he is weak and who has the humility to allow him to be strong where she is weak.
What kind of person does your character wish he or she could be? What is stopping him or her?
Magnus wishes he could be more spontaneous and lighthearted like his older brother Gavin, he is slightly jealous of Gavin's ease and confidence around other people and wishes he could make friends as easily as Gavin.
What stops Magnus from being as extrobverted as Gavin is his need to have all the information before he acts. Magnus is driven by his own inner compass and is at most times a slave to it.
What is your character afraid of? What keeps him or her up at night?
Magnus's biggest fear is failure or not doing the right thing because he made a bad judgement call.
What does your character think is his or her worst quality?
Magnus believes his worst quality is his inablity to "let go". he has a tendancy to overthing a situation or read too much into what someone or something is.
What do other people think your character's worst quality is?
Other people see his worst quality as being his percieved cold, dispassionate demenour when making a judgement call.
What is a talent your character thinks he or she has but is very wrong about?
Magnus thinks he is good at blending into any given situation but he doesn't he stands out no matter what because his eyes always give him away.
What did his or her childhood home look like?
Who was his or her first love?
Magnus hasn't had a first love yet. I'm toying with the idea of it being the character Kindyl. that however is subject to change. :D
What's the most terrible thing that ever happened to him/her?
The most terrible thing to happen to Magnus is the abduction of his mother and older sister Andrea.
What was his/her dream growing up?Magnus is 15 years old at this current moment his greatest ambition in life is to become a strong leader like his father.
Did he/she achieve this dream? Not yet. If so, in what ways was it not what the character expected?
If your character never achieved the dream, why not?Magnus is in the process of becoming a leader and fulfilling the power of his name.
In what situation would your character become violent?
Only in a situation that demanded it. Such a battle, or if one of his loved ones were physically threatened with death.
In what situation would your character act heroic?
Magnus is the reluctant hero. He would only act heroic if he was driven to it or if he truly felt as if he were the only one capable of doing what needed to be done.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Self Appointed Writing Exercise #3
Writing Character Profiles - Questionnaire 2 (Child Characters)
Ok for those that may not have figured it out yet I'm having some trouble finding my place in my newest story. So when in doubt go back to the basics. I would appreciate any insight you all can give me as no one writes a book in a vacuum. Elizabeth I know you've been my only reader so I guess this is directed at you..lol. Ok so if you see a question mark next to a question about the character it's because I haven't figured that part out yet..frustrating I know but there it is. Feel free to throw your own two cents out as i said before no one writes in a vacuum. Andrea actually wrote some of these herself.
Ok for those that may not have figured it out yet I'm having some trouble finding my place in my newest story. So when in doubt go back to the basics. I would appreciate any insight you all can give me as no one writes a book in a vacuum. Elizabeth I know you've been my only reader so I guess this is directed at you..lol. Ok so if you see a question mark next to a question about the character it's because I haven't figured that part out yet..frustrating I know but there it is. Feel free to throw your own two cents out as i said before no one writes in a vacuum. Andrea actually wrote some of these herself.
- Name: Magnus Jayce ? (I'm thinking Praetor as in old English it was a word given to the local magister/judge and Magnus will become the head of the Praetorian Guard..eventually)
- Age:15
- Birthday: June 6
- General physical description: Tall, Muscular with some baby fat in areas, Dark curly hair, Black eyes, cupids bow mouth.
- Hometown: St.Louis
- Type of home/ neighborhood: Praetorian Guards Keep, Think Mississippi river warehouse on the outside, antique museum on the inside. Neighborhood is city, urban.
- Father’s name, background, and occupation:
- Mother’s name, background, and occupation:
- Brothers and sisters: Andrea Nicole, Gavin Otto
- Position in family: Youngest
- Other close relatives: Uncle B'Zahn and Aunt Aurora Askari their three children Sylvia, Thomas, and Sean, Aunt Lafon and Aunt Sarah
- Family relationships: Mom is head of the biblical library and spends most of her time researching and decoding, Dad is head of the Praetorian Guards he spends his days overseeing the placement of guards around the world and in his "spare" time he teaches and trains his children in he ways of the Praetorian, Aunt Aurora is the chatelaine for the Keep, she is usually friendly and kind but quite formidable when her rules are broken, everyone steps lightly around Aunt Aurora when she is "on a mission", Uncle B'Zahn is the head weapons master and runs the training for all children sent to learn at the Keep. Their three children Sylvia and Thomas (twins) and Sean are Gavin and Magnus's closest allies and they spend many hours cooking up pranks. Aunt Lafon is head of the Armory but is also extremely gifted in other mediums of art she is an artist who is often sent on missions of great but mysterious importance. Aunt Sarah is the head of the Infirmary and instructs the children in battlefield first aid as well as teaching them the restorative properties of many of the native plants found in Missouri. All of the Aunts are related to Ismeralda the children s mother. The children s father no longer has any family left alive after the last world war. Everyone lives contentedly and everyone has a place and a job within the institution. Gavin and Magnus are close in age, Gavin tends to be more of a leap then look kind of warrior and he is the jokester of the family. Magnus is the more serious one who takes his time to make a move or a decision preferring to have all the facts and as much of the information as he can get before making a move. He has a more dry, subtle sense of humor than his brother Gavin. Andrea is the older sister, She is by right of being a girl the more mature of the three and when she's not off on a mission likes to remind the "boys" whose boss. Gavin and Magnus tolerate her bossiness because deep down they know she would give her life for them and vice versa.
- Special friends: Kindyl, Annabeth, Page, Alyssa, Michael, Kevan, Elijiah, Mycah,
- Enemies: Gage (bossy leader), Tyler (ginger haired freak), Tory(celtic bad ass), Olivia (the Wicca priestess).
- Influential person or event: ?
- Grade in school: Schooled in the Keep by different tutors.
- Attitude toward school: Magnus loves school he's a fact/information driven person..a strategist at heart.
- Grades: 10th grade
- Favorite pastimes: chess, games of strategy, figuring out how things work, puzzles, non-fiction reading. He likes to help his mother research in the library.
- Hobbies (music/art/reading material):mostly non-fiction leans heavily toward biblical archeology and history, he loves classical music for it's difficulty and he prefers techno for modern music, his Aunt Lafon has instilled in him her love of art in all it's forms and Magnus prefers sculpture because he gets to work more with the clay.
- Favorite sports: fencing, horseback riding, archery
- Favorite foods: anything, Magnus likes good cooking and does not discriminate if it's free it's his.
- Dress style: mostly dark colors that help him blend into the night or a shadow.
- Religion: Lutheran
- Attitude toward religion: Deeply religious
- Relationship with boys: uh he is a boy..lol..just kidding he makes friends slowly but the friends he does have are true and loyal.
- Relationship with girls: appreciative, prefers girls who can cook, think, and fight equally well.
- Leader or follower:Leader
- Strongest positive personality trait: Can think of a strategy of attack quickly even when under pressure.
- Strongest negative personality trait: Takes a while to get emotionally attached to people and doesn't really talk much about himself which sometimes makes new people timid to talk to him.
- Sense of humor: More dry and subtle. Doesn't jump out and make a joke but says it more out of comment not for laughter.
- Temper: Very cool-headed. Doesn't get angry easily. When angry he doesn't lash out or yell.
- Consideration for others: Magnus is always considerate of others feelings so much so that he will often go to great lengths to avoid hurting someones feelings or to shield them from pain taking on the pain himself in an effort to "save" others.
- How other people see him/her: They can see he would prefer to think more than talk. Since he's a strategist he like to think of ways to solve problems or issues so that it works out for everyone fairly.
Or in the case of warfare to win with the least amount of damage to either side. - Opinion of him/herself: Magnus is the "baby" and often feels like he has to prove himself as worthy of the name that he has been given at birth. He is also the youngest person in his family to have earned his middle name and feels the pressure of being the best. he is often envious of his older brother Gavin's ability to shrug off responsibility and be so care free and fun loving.
- Other traits, especially those to be brought out in story: Deep inner strength, flexible logic thinking skills, ability and willingness to take on more responsibility than is necessary often times to his detriment.
- Ambitions: Magnus's ambition is to follow in his father's footsteps and be the head of the Praetorian Guard.
- Philosophy of life: ?
- Most important thing to know about character: Magnus is strong willed and slow to form an opinion but once formed he will not change it. He is one of the points of the lightbearer's triangle though he does not know that yet.
- Will readers like or dislike this character, and why?Readers should like this character. They will appreciate his flaws because they will be what makes him more human than supernatural. He should be easy to relate to and to look up to. Readers should respond to his ability to weigh all sides of a situation and take the road that leads to the quickest/and safest possible outcome while still holding true to his own inner philosophy of life.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Self appointed writing exercise #2
Write a dramatic scene between two people in which each has a secret and neither of them reveals the secret to the other OR TO THE READER.
"You never listen to me!" Kindyl shouted at Magnus.
"That's because you never make any sense. Always talking in riddles and cryptic remarks, it's like you know something the rest of us don't and you're too proud to just say it."
Kindyl opened her mouth to retort but then quickly snapped it shut. The truth was she did know something the rest didn't but she couldn't tell them, not now, not after what the old crone had said at the county fair. The secret was there in her eyes Magnus could see it surface and sink before the words ever left her mouth. Why wouldn't she tell him? Didn't she trust him after all this time to protect her? Kindyl looked down trying to use her eyelashes to shield the truth from Magnus's prying eyes. She had always been told that her eyes were the most expressive, powerful, part of her.Unfortunately it also meant she was a very bad liar.
Magnus stared at the top of Kindyl's head in frustration. He was tired and frustrated with the cryptic remarks. Wasn't it hard enough having to live with the knowledge of where they were going without having to deal with this puzzle of a woman? Kindyl was close enough that he could smell the raspberry shampoo she used to wash her hair. If he leaned a fraction of an inch closer he'd be able to rest his chin on the top of her hair and breath her sent in. Just as he was about to give in to the desire Kindyl raised her head and opened her mouth to speak.
"Magnus I need to tell you something but the others, they can't know OK, you can't tell them."
"Kindyl what is so bad that we can't tell the others?" Was is possible? did she know the truth of where they were headed? Just as Kindyl was about to tell him what was so bad there was a flash of light and rush of wind they turned to see what had caused it when a huge force of air blasted them to the ground. Magnus wouldn't find out about Kindyl's secret tonight or before it was too late to change the outcome.
"You never listen to me!" Kindyl shouted at Magnus.
"That's because you never make any sense. Always talking in riddles and cryptic remarks, it's like you know something the rest of us don't and you're too proud to just say it."
Kindyl opened her mouth to retort but then quickly snapped it shut. The truth was she did know something the rest didn't but she couldn't tell them, not now, not after what the old crone had said at the county fair. The secret was there in her eyes Magnus could see it surface and sink before the words ever left her mouth. Why wouldn't she tell him? Didn't she trust him after all this time to protect her? Kindyl looked down trying to use her eyelashes to shield the truth from Magnus's prying eyes. She had always been told that her eyes were the most expressive, powerful, part of her.Unfortunately it also meant she was a very bad liar.
Magnus stared at the top of Kindyl's head in frustration. He was tired and frustrated with the cryptic remarks. Wasn't it hard enough having to live with the knowledge of where they were going without having to deal with this puzzle of a woman? Kindyl was close enough that he could smell the raspberry shampoo she used to wash her hair. If he leaned a fraction of an inch closer he'd be able to rest his chin on the top of her hair and breath her sent in. Just as he was about to give in to the desire Kindyl raised her head and opened her mouth to speak.
"Magnus I need to tell you something but the others, they can't know OK, you can't tell them."
"Kindyl what is so bad that we can't tell the others?" Was is possible? did she know the truth of where they were headed? Just as Kindyl was about to tell him what was so bad there was a flash of light and rush of wind they turned to see what had caused it when a huge force of air blasted them to the ground. Magnus wouldn't find out about Kindyl's secret tonight or before it was too late to change the outcome.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
My First self appointed writing assignment
English 50 – Intro to Creative Writing: Exercises for Story Writers
More Exercises:
Write the first 250 words of a short story, but write them in ONE SENTENCE. Make sure that the sentence is grammatically correct and punctuated correctly. This exercise is intended to increase your powers in sentence writing.
Once upon a time I was an angsty teenager, OK I'm still an angsty teenager but I've gotten better, actually that's not true either most days I’m actually worse, but can you really blame me I mean I have to deal with long distance friendships and some that are way too up close and personal and some that I'd really rather not go into at the moment because they are way too complicated on top of that I have to listen to my step mom go on and on about world issues, like I give a crap about the rest of the world when I'm having to deal with my own slice of it right in my face, my dad doesn't get me either but at least he doesn't make me feel bad for being selfish, I'm a teenager I'm supposed to be selfish and self centered that whole global consciousness thing happens after, like 25 or something, you know when your real life is over and the whole "adult" thing has to take over, ok so anyway this story is about one of those times when you know stuff happens to you that you have no control over and yet you’re the one paying the price, yeah it’s one of those stories, a story about a basically good kid, that would be me, who has a lot of not so good stuff happen to her, that would also be me in case you hadn’t figured it out on your own.
More Exercises:
Write the first 250 words of a short story, but write them in ONE SENTENCE. Make sure that the sentence is grammatically correct and punctuated correctly. This exercise is intended to increase your powers in sentence writing.
Once upon a time I was an angsty teenager, OK I'm still an angsty teenager but I've gotten better, actually that's not true either most days I’m actually worse, but can you really blame me I mean I have to deal with long distance friendships and some that are way too up close and personal and some that I'd really rather not go into at the moment because they are way too complicated on top of that I have to listen to my step mom go on and on about world issues, like I give a crap about the rest of the world when I'm having to deal with my own slice of it right in my face, my dad doesn't get me either but at least he doesn't make me feel bad for being selfish, I'm a teenager I'm supposed to be selfish and self centered that whole global consciousness thing happens after, like 25 or something, you know when your real life is over and the whole "adult" thing has to take over, ok so anyway this story is about one of those times when you know stuff happens to you that you have no control over and yet you’re the one paying the price, yeah it’s one of those stories, a story about a basically good kid, that would be me, who has a lot of not so good stuff happen to her, that would also be me in case you hadn’t figured it out on your own.
Someone save me from myself!!
Quick!!! I need someone to save me from the melacholy i've slipped and fallen into! I don't know what happened I powered through February with very little incident and now...now it's March and I can't seem to shake this funk. It's annoying to say the least and it's downright unbearable at best. I'm so blah even I don't want to be around myself! Ughh. 
I hosted a Moms night in at my house the last friday in February thinking "yes this will work. This will trick my brain into forgetting that it's still winter." I'm going to stop trying to fool my brain it's obviously smarter than I am. The party was good a little bit of drama but with that many women in one room it's bound to happen. What really has me peeved is this: My name is unusual enough on it's own and ok i've come to terms with the oddness of it but is it really necessary for fully adult women to make fun it? I mean correct me if i'm wrong but it seems just a tad bit, oh I dont know, immature!!! to be tagged a made up name like Wrainbeau Vagina fluffy dickman. No it's not amusing, no I don't find it funny, no i'm not ever going to laugh at this. First off you come into my home and call me a vagina..then compound the insult by telling me that my headband looks like a dog collar so we should just call you fluffy and you find this humorous AFTER I've told you I wont tell you my middle name because it was horrible..so you figure you're just going to make one that's even worse. The thing about that incident is the person who started it, did it to be malicious and mean. She doesn't like me (there's a history there)and she was peeved because for a tiny little bit she was not the center of attention of which is the only place she knows how to be. I know i'm not the only one that finds this person abrasive, I also know that there are a few moms that are so put off by her that they refuse to attend any function where this person may show up. I happen to be a moderator for this group so I don't have that luxury which may be why i'm in such a foul mood this week.
I hosted a Moms night in at my house the last friday in February thinking "yes this will work. This will trick my brain into forgetting that it's still winter." I'm going to stop trying to fool my brain it's obviously smarter than I am. The party was good a little bit of drama but with that many women in one room it's bound to happen. What really has me peeved is this: My name is unusual enough on it's own and ok i've come to terms with the oddness of it but is it really necessary for fully adult women to make fun it? I mean correct me if i'm wrong but it seems just a tad bit, oh I dont know, immature!!! to be tagged a made up name like Wrainbeau Vagina fluffy dickman. No it's not amusing, no I don't find it funny, no i'm not ever going to laugh at this. First off you come into my home and call me a vagina..then compound the insult by telling me that my headband looks like a dog collar so we should just call you fluffy and you find this humorous AFTER I've told you I wont tell you my middle name because it was horrible..so you figure you're just going to make one that's even worse. The thing about that incident is the person who started it, did it to be malicious and mean. She doesn't like me (there's a history there)and she was peeved because for a tiny little bit she was not the center of attention of which is the only place she knows how to be. I know i'm not the only one that finds this person abrasive, I also know that there are a few moms that are so put off by her that they refuse to attend any function where this person may show up. I happen to be a moderator for this group so I don't have that luxury which may be why i'm in such a foul mood this week.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Dissappointment is......
forgetting that you gave your co-worker permission to swap lunch hours with you. One more hour and then I can get an hour break from this place. I just realized there is only one week left to this month after Friday. That means I have less than two months to get Gavin and Phillips birthday party complete! Normally I wouldn't bother to stress about this stuff except that well Gavin will be 5 this year and it's a milestone birthday for him and Phil-do well let's face it he's gonna be 39 and the man is feeling his age. So we're having an April Fools birthday party complete with a fake cake, funny glasses, chinese finger traps, bug ice cubes and outdoor games. If you ask Gavin when his birthday is he'll tell it's April 4th but his party is on the 2nd. He's at that age where birthday's really matter so yeah this one has to be special..now let's hope I don't screw it up or drop the ball or dissappointment will be Gavin's little face when no one shows up to his party.
On to something different. I've been making friends..shocker I know..lol..but it's been nice getting to know two moms that live relativly close to us. I won't mention thier names because I don't have permission to but let's just say they are funny, quirky, and fun. It's really highlighted to me that unless i'm scheduling a playdate or just attending one that someone else has scheduled we really don't do impromtu stuff. I remember when my friends and I would just show up at each other's houses unannounced to just hang out, talk, maybe watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Gilmore Girls. It seems like as I've gotten older and had kids it's become unacceptable to just hang out at someone's house or have someone just come over and hang out at yours. I wonder why we've gotten to this place where we have to schedule a get together for our kids to play or for us to just hang out and talk. Don't get me wrong there are some nights when we are not available and just dropping by wouldn't work..and i'm sure it's the same for many of my parental friends...surely sometime, somewhere, one of us is sitting at home with nothing particular to do and wondering the same thing??? yes? no? maybe?
On to something different. I've been making friends..shocker I know..lol..but it's been nice getting to know two moms that live relativly close to us. I won't mention thier names because I don't have permission to but let's just say they are funny, quirky, and fun. It's really highlighted to me that unless i'm scheduling a playdate or just attending one that someone else has scheduled we really don't do impromtu stuff. I remember when my friends and I would just show up at each other's houses unannounced to just hang out, talk, maybe watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Gilmore Girls. It seems like as I've gotten older and had kids it's become unacceptable to just hang out at someone's house or have someone just come over and hang out at yours. I wonder why we've gotten to this place where we have to schedule a get together for our kids to play or for us to just hang out and talk. Don't get me wrong there are some nights when we are not available and just dropping by wouldn't work..and i'm sure it's the same for many of my parental friends...surely sometime, somewhere, one of us is sitting at home with nothing particular to do and wondering the same thing??? yes? no? maybe?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Weeds or Flowers?
My DH and I went to this relationship seminar on Sunday hosted by our church and it was called building self esteem in your relationships. We erronously thought it would be about building self esteem in a marriage but it was actually geared more toward parenting. Ok that's cool we can roll with it the guy teaching us this stuff was Dr. John Splinter and he has a PHD in Marriage and family counseling so we think he knows his stuff...lol. Dr.John..and yes I love saying that..lol...made some very good suggestions but something he said that really struck a nerve for Phillip and I was that in life what you see is what you get ALL THE TIME! What he meant was that if you see weeds (crabby, irritable, irrascible,outlook)then that's what you'll get out of people all the time (Pessissmist). If your outlook is flowers (pretty, soft, kind, interesting)then that's what you get out of people all the time (Optimist). It doesn't mean you'll won't have a bad day but that you are less likely to have a bad day when you are an optimist. So his point was that we as parents tend to draw out of our children what we see in them. This was particularly helpful in the fact that my bonus daughter is a serious, hardcore, pessismist, everything she does or says is negative and i've often wondered why she can't see the good in something. Dr. John used his own daughter as an example of what he was talking about and he said: She was obstinate and stubborn and fiesty and competitive...you know all the things I as her father am. In short we're exactly alike personality wise and I was taking this class on positive reinforcement and I thought hmm well it's worth a shot. So at night for the bedtime routine instead of arguing with her and engaging in a power struggle with her I instead began to try putting this positive reinforcement into play. Rather than say "Gretchen it's time to take a bath" I'd say "Gretchen you are a really fast runner I bet you could beat me up the stairs!". So his point in a long and drawn out way of saying it is that our children will give us exactly what we expect of them. Does it mean you won't have to ever discipline your children again? No and he was very adamant that discipline is important but a funny thing happens when you use positive reinforcement..you find that your children WANT to please you and thus it makes discipline fewer and farther between. He mentioned that you could use this same principle to affect your other relationships. Such as with your spouse or at work or even at church.
Of course there was homework..lol..there is always homework at these things and we are doing this homework at our house as well. What you do is you take an index card and you draw a line straight down the middle, on one side you put a - and on the other side you put a +. Everyday you have to find five positive things to complement someone on in your house and for everyday that you succeed in this you give yourself a check mark in the + column. For everyday that you fall short of the five compliments you give yourself a check mark in the - column and IF you are honest with yourself at the end of the week you'll have a clear picture of whether or not you see weeds or flowers.
I really loved how he backed up everything he was saying with scripture as well. So if you are interested in the scripture he posted it was Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Fix these things in your mind and see these things in your children and you will begin to draw these things out of them.
Of course there was homework..lol..there is always homework at these things and we are doing this homework at our house as well. What you do is you take an index card and you draw a line straight down the middle, on one side you put a - and on the other side you put a +. Everyday you have to find five positive things to complement someone on in your house and for everyday that you succeed in this you give yourself a check mark in the + column. For everyday that you fall short of the five compliments you give yourself a check mark in the - column and IF you are honest with yourself at the end of the week you'll have a clear picture of whether or not you see weeds or flowers.
I really loved how he backed up everything he was saying with scripture as well. So if you are interested in the scripture he posted it was Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Fix these things in your mind and see these things in your children and you will begin to draw these things out of them.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentines and other drugs
So V-Day..the infamous day of Love. I gotta tell ya it's not one of my favorite holidays and until this year I really didn't consider it a holiday at all. It's fun no doubt but it just didn't rank up there for me ya know. So that got me to thinking about other holidays and why we celebrate them and the history of them..and you know what I found out. Valentines day is the only historically christian holiday celebrated by the secular world. yep it's true Easter (My personal favorite holiday)started out pagan as well as Christmas, Halloween and St.Patricks Day. St.Valentine was a christian martyr in Rome. So there ya have it V-Day is the only original christian holiday. It's still not my favorite holiday but this year it's actually been kind of fun. I can't pinpoint what it is exactly but this afternoon my DH and two sons surprised me at work with lunch and a little white jewel box they decorated complete with fake gems glued to the front and inside was a bunch of tootsie rolls.
It could be that my bonus daughter went out of her way to buy and decorate a valentines day card and then have the boys sign it to my hubby and I. Who knows the real reason why but today actually wasn't a bad day. V-day is still not my favorite holiday Easter will always reign supreme as the best holiday ever for me but as far as Valentines days go this one was pretty nice.
On to other drugs..today was chocolate day at the office. here's what I know about chocolate..it stinks when you cook it, if you eat too much of it it makes your tongue go all numb and feel gross, and if you put enough of it all together on the same table..it's like a cocaine overload. I'm thinking chocolate day not the best idea in an office full of women..but again this is from the woman that prefers candy corn or gummy bears.
It could be that my bonus daughter went out of her way to buy and decorate a valentines day card and then have the boys sign it to my hubby and I. Who knows the real reason why but today actually wasn't a bad day. V-day is still not my favorite holiday Easter will always reign supreme as the best holiday ever for me but as far as Valentines days go this one was pretty nice.
On to other drugs..today was chocolate day at the office. here's what I know about chocolate..it stinks when you cook it, if you eat too much of it it makes your tongue go all numb and feel gross, and if you put enough of it all together on the same table..it's like a cocaine overload. I'm thinking chocolate day not the best idea in an office full of women..but again this is from the woman that prefers candy corn or gummy bears.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Bad Habits and chewing gum
I have lots of bad habits. So many in fact that it would be impossible to list them all so I won't even try; instead i'm going to focus on my most recent bad habits. I know you're thinking "why brag about those?" well it's not bragging per se it's more of an accountability thing. For instance I noticed quite recently that every year during the month of February I have a tendancy to hibernate..as in don't leave my house for anything short of a fire kind of hibernate. This is a problem for me because I hate being stuck in the house in the first place and then it's compounded by the fact that it's cold outside and helllooo this girl has not lived this far north since she was like 4 years old. I've lived in the mountains of Nevada and that's as close to cold as it gets for me. I'm like a reptile I need heat! I need heat soaked concrete and sun warmed grass to survive I need it!!!! I manage to hang on through December and January but by February my patience has run out and I'm in desperate need of 60 degree and highter days. It's not true what they say us fat people are not insulated for the cold and we're not so jolly during the month of February. So part of my desperate need for heat is my bad habit to let my desperation flavor everything I do. I try, I swear I do, to engage and be active and get out of the house during this month and every year I fail. I just can't make myself do it. I'm also grouchy and touchy and sensitive and and a whole lot less patient. It's not a good combo folks and i'm not a pleasant person to be around unless I have my crutches. That leads me to my other bad habit and that's chewing gum. Ever since I quit smoking six years ago I have picked up the bad habit of chewing gum. I chew it no matter where I am no matter what the setting is. I'm not totally up on my etiquett but pretty sure chewing gum and popping it during meetings or when some overbearing parent is breathing down my neck is not acceptable behavior. I really liked smoking..so giving it up to have kids was hard and replacing it with chewing gum was ok at first but now it's a problem. I pop my gum all the time..it's not enough to chew it I have to pop it and play with it to occupy my mouth. At this very moment i'm chewing some dessert gum from Extra that is awesome but am I just chewing it? Oh no i'm popping it at my desk at work which is pretty annoying for my coworker. You know what else is gross that I complain about and then caught myself doing..when people chew over the phone..um hello can you finish eating or spit out the gum long enough to have a phone conversation? I don't care to hear what the inside of your mouth sounds like over the phone..and then today I caught myself doing it..GASP the horror...I was pretty ashamed...but did I spit out my gum? Nope I just kept right on chewing..it was a fresh peice ok.
So I chew gum to keep from smoking. I only feel like smoking when i'm stressed out and i'm pretty much stressed the entire month of February that's like 28 days of some serious gum chewing, bad attitude having, hibernating resisting, cabin fever crazy mama.
I'd ask you what you do to beat the winter blues but honestly let's face I don't really care at this time of year.
So I chew gum to keep from smoking. I only feel like smoking when i'm stressed out and i'm pretty much stressed the entire month of February that's like 28 days of some serious gum chewing, bad attitude having, hibernating resisting, cabin fever crazy mama.
I'd ask you what you do to beat the winter blues but honestly let's face I don't really care at this time of year.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Cabin Fever!!!!
I'm sooo sick of the snow! I'm sick of being stuck in my house because it's too cold and wet and yucky outside to play my kids and I have had it. My boys have run out of things to occupy themselves and Ms.A is well she's a teenager and while she enjoys the sleeping in part she doesn't appreciate the chores and boredom..truthfully neither do I. I'm even willing to brave the mall with two hyper active boys just to get a change of scenery. It's insane how much snow and ice is on the ground and to top it off more is on the way tonight and into next week. We're going to get buried here and the only consolation I have is that well my house will be so clean and organized there will be no need for spring cleaning should spring ever decide to return to the frozen tundra that is St.Louis. I need warm sunny days and cool breezes that refresh rather than frost. I need in short a vacation from the frigid weather. I need dear reader...a week or two in Louisiana or Florida i'm not that picky I just know they have better food in Louisiana...and my family is there. So yeah lets all take a moment to dream of warm coastal winds and moderate climates where you never need a heavy coat or snowpants..where the "white stuff" is a referance to cocaine and not snow. Where the seafood is fresh and clean and succulent and won't cost you an arm and leg to get and where the fresh open air markets are brimming with tropical fruits and sugar cane. Ahhh yes Louisiana home of the Creole and the Cajun where we celebrate our food as much if not more than our faith. Where you can walk along the Mississippi and see the barges and river boats coming and going while impromptu jazz and blues muscicians strike up a tune at any given time. A place that likes to meander along life's pathways and where the air is so heavy and thick the perfume of the many blossoms hangs thick along the sidewalks and trolley lines. There's no other place like it on the planet we speak our own language there and we like to observe the gentler manners of a by gone time. We love our history and our etiquette and our Saints both the football team and the catholic ones. If I close my eyes I can almost see it and feel it...course in St.Louis i've gotta sit real close to the heater vents to feel it.
Oh well it's getting late and the natives are restless..looks like it's back to cabin fever and the frozen tundra of St.Louis. bleh..guess I better go make dinner.
Oh well it's getting late and the natives are restless..looks like it's back to cabin fever and the frozen tundra of St.Louis. bleh..guess I better go make dinner.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
The price we pay.
Everyday in our lives we are forced to make decisions, some of them are snap decisions, some of them are "no brainers" and some of them are difficult. I had a philosphy professor tell me one time that in all things and in all situations we have a choice the choices may be between bad and worse but they are still choices we make. There are times in our lives where it seems as if we have no choice or that our choices are taken from us by others more powerful but this is not true. When we examine the situation we see that we do have a choice. In another online group that I belong too one that has always been very open and tolerant of other peoples differences we discussed this idea of choice. As parents in a capitalist society our choices are different from those in a communist or socialist one and we tend to have a sense of ownership over all of our choices whereas in a socialist or communist country much of your choices are made for you by the government. Fundamentally those parents still have a choice they can choose to defy the government or to lobby and work within the established system to enact the changes they seek. This is true of American parents as well and more so because we live and breath in a country founded on basic human rights and principles. We are taught that our government exists for us and that we are in charge of making it work or not work through the system of voting. Why then do so many American parents feel as if thier choices have been limited or in some cases removed by the same government that is in place to serve us? I've given the matter considerable thought and I come to the same conclusion everytime, When a government by the people and for the people grows larger than the people in question it no longer exists for them rather it dictates to them and the people are to blame for allowing the checks and balances to be removed with little to no consequences. I can remember being 17 and my birthday falling a few weeks after the presidential election. I was devestated because so badly I wanted to participate in my first MAJOR election. I spent months before hand reading all the voting records of the candidates and examining their platforms and watching thier debates all in preparation of this monumental right of passage into adulthood. You can imagine my dissappointment when i found out i was not going to be old enough in time to vote. It never occurred to me that other teenagers were out with thier friends talking about boys or sports or fashion or other high school drama. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was going on but I tend to have tunnel vision when it comes to my own obsessions. I'm sure I bored my friends to death with talks about politics in the months leading up to the election and i'm just as equally sure they thought i was weird for being upset at not being able to vote. It would have been equally as hard for me to explain to them why it was so important to me. My mothers family is from what used to be communist Germany, that's right before the Berlin wall came down and I can remember very distinctly my PaPa Bricka telling me stories of what it was like to grow up in Communist Germany and what Germany had been like during World War 2 where he was forced to serve in the Nazi Regime. My PaPa Bricka, whether it was his intention to or not, left a very impressionable child with a very great respect for our capitalist system. He told me of how dangerous it was for him to sneak his wife and my Granny out of communist Germany and how he almost lost his life doing it. He told me how when the Nazi's were brought down how happy and relieved he was to be let go only to return home to find that Russia would not be in charge of them and that things would be equally as bad under Russian law as was under Hitler. Dear reader can you imagine what kinds of choices a parent must make in those situations? How does a father choose between oppression or death? How do a husband and wife choose make the decision to risk it all and I mean all because if you were caught they would shoot you on sight to smuggle themselves and thier children out of thier home country? Choose: bad or worse? My PaPa Bricka was a devout Lutheran he and his wife my Great Grandmama made the bravest choice and trusted that the Lord would protect them and thier children. Obviously they made it to West Germany and from there defected to the United States and sought asylum here. They could have stayed in West Germany but they wanted thier children to grow up in a free country not under the shadow and threat of communism. We parents here in the Unites States often take our freedoms for granted and sadly as is the case we demand more privledges and more freedom than we are responsible enough to handle and when we can't handle what we've asked for we turn to our govenment to fix it. Less and less I see people of all ages growing more and more lax in the voting and more and more determined to just "let the government fix it" we all seem to have forgotten along the way that WE are the government and on our shoulders rests the responsability for it.
We argue over who should get what and whose entitled to which priviledge but the constitution says we have only the right to PURSUE Happiness it does not garuntee that we will be given it. It says that we have the right to Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.A redress of grievances..do we not as parents have grievances about our educational system and yet do we make a petition to the government to adress these grievances? I say no we leave it to lawyers and judges and politicians who have do not have the same concerns we do and; in my opinion; do not make an impassioned petition on our behalf. We see groups of ordinary normale everyday people come together in Washington to make a statement such as the Million Man March and the Tea Party and do we do come together to do the same for our children future? No we do not instead we spend endless hours spinning our wheels accusing this faction or that one for the miserable state we find our public education system. Where is the million mom and dad march? Where is the Parents as Teachers Party? Why have we not stood up in force and made ourselves heard to the highest echelon of our land? We all have our reasons for being 'too busy' we have jobs we can't leave, we have children to tend to and homes to keep and husbands and wives to placate but when will we run out of excuses and reasons? When will we make the hard choice the unpopular choice to stand and be heard and fight the impossible fight for our children's sake? When will we stop blaming the rich or the welfare poor or the government for bieng what they are and start taking back the control we have so willingly given up?
I realize dear reader that my opinions are harsh and that you may take offense to much of what I have had to say here tonight in this blog. I also understand that you may dislike me after reading this and that you may not share my opinions but you know what that's O.K. because Thankfully we live in a country where we can be free to say and to believe and to practice what we choose without fear of imprisonment or loss of life. Isn't the Bill of Rights an amazing and wonderous work or reason and humanity! Vive La America!!!!!
We argue over who should get what and whose entitled to which priviledge but the constitution says we have only the right to PURSUE Happiness it does not garuntee that we will be given it. It says that we have the right to Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.A redress of grievances..do we not as parents have grievances about our educational system and yet do we make a petition to the government to adress these grievances? I say no we leave it to lawyers and judges and politicians who have do not have the same concerns we do and; in my opinion; do not make an impassioned petition on our behalf. We see groups of ordinary normale everyday people come together in Washington to make a statement such as the Million Man March and the Tea Party and do we do come together to do the same for our children future? No we do not instead we spend endless hours spinning our wheels accusing this faction or that one for the miserable state we find our public education system. Where is the million mom and dad march? Where is the Parents as Teachers Party? Why have we not stood up in force and made ourselves heard to the highest echelon of our land? We all have our reasons for being 'too busy' we have jobs we can't leave, we have children to tend to and homes to keep and husbands and wives to placate but when will we run out of excuses and reasons? When will we make the hard choice the unpopular choice to stand and be heard and fight the impossible fight for our children's sake? When will we stop blaming the rich or the welfare poor or the government for bieng what they are and start taking back the control we have so willingly given up?
I realize dear reader that my opinions are harsh and that you may take offense to much of what I have had to say here tonight in this blog. I also understand that you may dislike me after reading this and that you may not share my opinions but you know what that's O.K. because Thankfully we live in a country where we can be free to say and to believe and to practice what we choose without fear of imprisonment or loss of life. Isn't the Bill of Rights an amazing and wonderous work or reason and humanity! Vive La America!!!!!
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