Shakespeare once said "know thyself" and I believe it was in the same in the same play Hamlet that he also wrote "To thine own self be true". Now obviously you have to know yourself to be true to yourself and in if you wanted to update that to modern lingo it could all be summed up by saying to be self aware. As a human being on this great spinning globe in the milky way it's almost nigh impossible know yourself without also knowing those around you and being aware of all the environment and biological impacts that help to shape and mold and change you as a person. I'm an introvert so I spend a lot of time inside my own head trying to get to know myself. I'm not even halfway close to understanding me let alone the motivations of others on this planet. As a writer I spend a lot of time trying to figure these things out so that I can build characters and worlds where I want to live. People watching is one of my favorite past times. I love to play a game with myself where I'll pick out two people and imagine what their story is. Maybe they're past lovers meeting by accident in a coffee shop and all of the "what ifs" come cropping up and they make that connection again and move on to get married. Maybe they're in the middle of a divorce and both people are struggling trying to remember who they are without the other one. There are so many stories out there that I feel as if I could write till my last breath and never have written them all. Sometimes that thought excites me and sometimes it overwhelms me but in every case I can't help but write down my impressions and think that one day those strangers will end up in one of my stories.
Know yourself. It's tricky to know yourself. How do you go about it? Do you trust what you believe to be true about yourself or do you rely on the feedback you get from those outside of yourself? How do you know yourself when yourself is a compilation of so many varied and twisted different elements. Is it possible to know yourself at all when faced with all of those elements. I don't now but I've started a writing project that will hopefully help me to at least rediscover my past self. A story about a young girl whose family is constantly on the move and the imagination or her "secret place" in her own mind that she so often retreats to. I may not know myself as I am today but I know that little girl. She was me, to some extent she still is me. Maybe to understand the me that exists today I need to go back and re-discover the me that was.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Imagination Rocks and sometimes rolls..downhill..through the mud
I've been told that as an Indie Author it's important to keep a blog. It helps with the writing everyday and it lets your readers get to know you on a more personal level. I'm not sure anyone really wants to get to know me on a personal level. Hell I don't want to get to know me on a personal level and I have to live inside my own head. I apologize to my readers before hand and I hope you won't judge my stories based on the insanity that runs rampant through my mind.
This morning on the way to work I caught myself chasing the white rabbit down the rabbit hole in my mind. I was pulling into to get gas and realized I wasn't completely sure how I got there. It's as if when I get behind the wheel of a car my conscious mind shuts off and my imagination runs wild. Sometimes I pretend I'm trying to outrun the bad guys on Interstate 70. It's not like I just pretend and I'm still aware of other cars around me..it's more like my imagination is in the drivers seat and my subconscious has taken over. Other time I'll hear a song on the radio and pretend that I'm some smoky, lounge club singer, who has secret powers that she has to keep hidden from the world or else they'll lock her away in a lab or try to use her for evil purposes. Still other times I'm just so wrapped up in whatever story I'm writing or book that I'm reading that I can't shut it off and though I'm driving home and I know the way I'm completely on auto-pilot. I think this means that I'm not a safe driver.
Take today for instance, I was driving to work and remembered I needed to get gas. I found myself at the gas station not quite remembering how I got there. Why? Because I was daydreaming again this time about a series of books I had just recently read by another Indie Author Heather Killough-Walden's Big Bad Wolf series. I was so totally gone over her world and I was imagining myself as a character in one of her books. I think I'd love to be painted as one of the Queens from the Kings series which is a spin off of the Big Bad Wolf Series. I could totally see myself as the Shadow Queen, I look good in black! This is why I was on autopilot this morning. Had I had my head in the right place i.e. the here and now I might not have tripped over the gas hose and gone sprawling across the pavement. This necessitated a return trip home to change clothes before heading into work. This made me late to work, which made my co-worker anxious and chatty which annoyed me further. Imagination gone horribly wrong.
It's o.k. to be a dreamer the world needs us as much as they need innovators and philanthropists and teachers and all the other types of people that make living on this planet tolerable. It's maybe not so o.k. to dream so often that you never wake up.
This morning on the way to work I caught myself chasing the white rabbit down the rabbit hole in my mind. I was pulling into to get gas and realized I wasn't completely sure how I got there. It's as if when I get behind the wheel of a car my conscious mind shuts off and my imagination runs wild. Sometimes I pretend I'm trying to outrun the bad guys on Interstate 70. It's not like I just pretend and I'm still aware of other cars around me..it's more like my imagination is in the drivers seat and my subconscious has taken over. Other time I'll hear a song on the radio and pretend that I'm some smoky, lounge club singer, who has secret powers that she has to keep hidden from the world or else they'll lock her away in a lab or try to use her for evil purposes. Still other times I'm just so wrapped up in whatever story I'm writing or book that I'm reading that I can't shut it off and though I'm driving home and I know the way I'm completely on auto-pilot. I think this means that I'm not a safe driver.
Take today for instance, I was driving to work and remembered I needed to get gas. I found myself at the gas station not quite remembering how I got there. Why? Because I was daydreaming again this time about a series of books I had just recently read by another Indie Author Heather Killough-Walden's Big Bad Wolf series. I was so totally gone over her world and I was imagining myself as a character in one of her books. I think I'd love to be painted as one of the Queens from the Kings series which is a spin off of the Big Bad Wolf Series. I could totally see myself as the Shadow Queen, I look good in black! This is why I was on autopilot this morning. Had I had my head in the right place i.e. the here and now I might not have tripped over the gas hose and gone sprawling across the pavement. This necessitated a return trip home to change clothes before heading into work. This made me late to work, which made my co-worker anxious and chatty which annoyed me further. Imagination gone horribly wrong.
It's o.k. to be a dreamer the world needs us as much as they need innovators and philanthropists and teachers and all the other types of people that make living on this planet tolerable. It's maybe not so o.k. to dream so often that you never wake up.
Monday, August 19, 2013
The first day of Class
It's the first day of school. Take a moment and think about what that means to you. Think back to the days when you were younger. What were your back to school traditions? What rituals did you stick to as a family? I often think the first day of school to me was so magical and special because we moved so often as a family that being the "new kid" was the norm rather than the exception. Each new school was a chance to be someone else, to try on a different persona and see if that one was a better fit. A new school was a mystery that I couldn't wait to investigate. Would the teachers be nice or mean? Would the kids be accepting or stand offish? If they were stand offish how would I get them to warm up to me? A thousand and one questions would play through my head in the weeks following up to the new school year. Hundreds of different scenarios would run between my siblings and I as we tried to guess what could possibly go wrong or right and how we would successfully navigate our way through the first few weeks of school.
In a family that was constantly on the move school was a wonderful constant. It didn't matter what state we were in at the time the first day of school heralded a break from the constant travel. My mother was adamant that we "stay put" long enough to finish out a school year. For one glorious academic year we didn't have to live out of suitcases or the trunk of our car. We had regular schedules with regular meals. There was an old familiar rhythm that would settle over the Willis household with the First Day of School. Everyone would wake up at the same time, stumble to the single bathroom and take turns brushing our teeth, washing our faces, and then stumble back out again to dress for school. That first day of school you always wore your very best clothes "church clothes" my mother would say. You would get up extra early to have your hair brushed and braided by momma and with six girls she did a lot of brushing and braiding on that first day of school. I would wait with Christmas Eve anticipation for that first morning on the first day of school knowing that I would get to wear my new shoes and carrying my new back pack with it's new pencils and pens and notebooks. We were never wealthy or even a section of middle class so for us anything new was cause to celebrate and Back to School Shopping instilled in me a Christmas like fervor but better than Christmas because there was never any let down at the end. I came to be enamored of the first day of school. It was bright and full of promise with shiny new things just for me.
I loved school. Not just because it was a brief end to the constant moving, or the new shoes and school supplies but because at school your background didn't matter. Teachers were happy if you tried and participated. You got rewarded for the work you put in and being kind and helpful was expected and encouraged. Being the middle child of a large and transient family you can imagine how special it was for me to be recognized as an individual and not passed over or ignored. I believe this is where my passion to succeed academically came from. I craved the acknowledgment that came from earning high marks on assignments and being the "good kid" in class.
The first day of class holds shiny new promise. This has always been true for me even now as I've chosen education as my career path in life I look forward to the first day of school. At 35 years old this day still evokes in me a sense of promise, hopefulness, and a renewing of the spirit of inquisitiveness of the mind and the seeking of the soul. I have children of my own now and I see in their eyes the same sparkle and excitement for the first day of school. This makes my heart smile and my soul sing.
Hurrah for the first day of school. Hurrah for the busyness of the day and the lines and the questions and the lost ones who seek. Hurrah for the mystery and the magic of new classes and teachers. Hip Hip Hooray for back to school jams and meet the teacher nights, for parent conferences and science fairs. I say three cheers for new backpacks, shoes and shiny new pens and pencils. Huzzah for homework and goals that are met and challenges exceeded. Bring on recess and lunch rooms with kind (or not so kind) lunch ladies. Applause for the PTO and the PTA for departmental meetings and service days, class room parties and school rivalries.
In a family that was constantly on the move school was a wonderful constant. It didn't matter what state we were in at the time the first day of school heralded a break from the constant travel. My mother was adamant that we "stay put" long enough to finish out a school year. For one glorious academic year we didn't have to live out of suitcases or the trunk of our car. We had regular schedules with regular meals. There was an old familiar rhythm that would settle over the Willis household with the First Day of School. Everyone would wake up at the same time, stumble to the single bathroom and take turns brushing our teeth, washing our faces, and then stumble back out again to dress for school. That first day of school you always wore your very best clothes "church clothes" my mother would say. You would get up extra early to have your hair brushed and braided by momma and with six girls she did a lot of brushing and braiding on that first day of school. I would wait with Christmas Eve anticipation for that first morning on the first day of school knowing that I would get to wear my new shoes and carrying my new back pack with it's new pencils and pens and notebooks. We were never wealthy or even a section of middle class so for us anything new was cause to celebrate and Back to School Shopping instilled in me a Christmas like fervor but better than Christmas because there was never any let down at the end. I came to be enamored of the first day of school. It was bright and full of promise with shiny new things just for me.
I loved school. Not just because it was a brief end to the constant moving, or the new shoes and school supplies but because at school your background didn't matter. Teachers were happy if you tried and participated. You got rewarded for the work you put in and being kind and helpful was expected and encouraged. Being the middle child of a large and transient family you can imagine how special it was for me to be recognized as an individual and not passed over or ignored. I believe this is where my passion to succeed academically came from. I craved the acknowledgment that came from earning high marks on assignments and being the "good kid" in class.
The first day of class holds shiny new promise. This has always been true for me even now as I've chosen education as my career path in life I look forward to the first day of school. At 35 years old this day still evokes in me a sense of promise, hopefulness, and a renewing of the spirit of inquisitiveness of the mind and the seeking of the soul. I have children of my own now and I see in their eyes the same sparkle and excitement for the first day of school. This makes my heart smile and my soul sing.
Hurrah for the first day of school. Hurrah for the busyness of the day and the lines and the questions and the lost ones who seek. Hurrah for the mystery and the magic of new classes and teachers. Hip Hip Hooray for back to school jams and meet the teacher nights, for parent conferences and science fairs. I say three cheers for new backpacks, shoes and shiny new pens and pencils. Huzzah for homework and goals that are met and challenges exceeded. Bring on recess and lunch rooms with kind (or not so kind) lunch ladies. Applause for the PTO and the PTA for departmental meetings and service days, class room parties and school rivalries.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
I'm editing leave me alone!!!
I know i'm at work and it's my job to answer the phone when it rings but it's still annoying to be interrupted! Too bad I can't just work in a cubby hole.
Write a scene with a dad in it
That's the problem...my own dad was largely absent most of my life and when he did show up it was never any good. So how do I write a scene with a dad in it that isn't total crap? This would be so much easier if it were to write a scene with a mom in it..LOL.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Nobody reads this anway
I have PCOS. The next question I'm usually asked is "what is PCOS?" What is PCOS? It's more common than most people realize and it's still very unknown. PCOS stands for Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, it used to be known in the medical field as Poly Cystic Ovarian Disorder but for some reason the medical gods decided to change the name to Syndrome. Whether they call it Syndrome or Disorder it's the same suckiness from start to finish. What I've found from talking with other women who have PCOS is that symptoms are different from one person to the next and the treatments vary as well as diagnoses. Yes no one doctor can agree on how to diagnose PCOS, this is a contributing factor to many women being mis-diagnosed or not diagnosed sooner. One common belief, even among medical professionals, is that PCOS causes infertitility. This CAN be true but is not ALWAYS true. It seems to depend on the severity of your PCOS whether or not it will cause infertility. For instance I know myself, and at least two other women who were able to conceive with PCOS. Another common belief is that all women suffer from the same secondary symptoms of the disorder. What are the secondary symptoms? They are myriad and vary in intensity here is a list of secondary symptoms:
Did you just read that list and say to yourself "well gee I've had all of those at one point in time or another", yeah most women will experience all of those symptoms throughout their lifetime, what sets a PCOS person aside from everyday women is the severity and frequency of all of those symptoms together. Someone with PCOS will experience all or most of those symptoms on a regular basis. Now remember ladies and gentleman THERE IS NO SINGLE TEST TO DIAGNOSE PCOS! Only a doctor can diagnose PCOS and each one has a different way of doing it. I've heard of women whose doctors sent them to Endocrinologists for a hormone panel, doctors who have done blood testing right in their own office, doctors who use sonography on the ovaries to determine if a patient has PCOS, I've even heard of a Dermatologist diagnosing a patient with PCOS. What I'm trying to say is that this disease is just as varied as the women who have it.
- Irregular periods also called Oligomenorrhea
- Weight gain, Overweight (difficulty losing weight)
- Difficulty losing weight
- Excess hair growth on face and body- calledHirsutism
- Darkened patches of skin
- Infertility
- Thinning hair
- High cholesterol and high triglycerides
- High blood pressure
- Cysts on the ovaries (multiple)
- Pelvic pain
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Sleep apnea (when breathing stops for a short period of time while asleep)
- Decreased sex drive
- Increase in stress levels
Did you just read that list and say to yourself "well gee I've had all of those at one point in time or another", yeah most women will experience all of those symptoms throughout their lifetime, what sets a PCOS person aside from everyday women is the severity and frequency of all of those symptoms together. Someone with PCOS will experience all or most of those symptoms on a regular basis. Now remember ladies and gentleman THERE IS NO SINGLE TEST TO DIAGNOSE PCOS! Only a doctor can diagnose PCOS and each one has a different way of doing it. I've heard of women whose doctors sent them to Endocrinologists for a hormone panel, doctors who have done blood testing right in their own office, doctors who use sonography on the ovaries to determine if a patient has PCOS, I've even heard of a Dermatologist diagnosing a patient with PCOS. What I'm trying to say is that this disease is just as varied as the women who have it.
PCOS is very common it affect 1 out of 15 women and yet the many women can go for years being mis-diagnosed or un-diagnosed all together. PCOS usually begins to show up in the teen years and many doctors refer to it as "progressive" syndrome, meaning it starts out with milder symptoms in your late mid to late teens and gets progressively worse as the woman gets older.
PCOS can be treated with a combination of birth control and metformin (glucophase). This is the generally accepted form of medical treatment for most women with PCOS. The birth control helps control the hormone imbalance and the glucophase helps control the Insulin Resistance or IR for short. Medical Treatment can vary depending on the patients goals and outcomes they want to achieve, for example is the patient considering pregnancy, menopausal, or does not want to conceive. For more information on the different types of treatments depending on where you are in your life I highly recommend the website http://www.pcosfoundation.org/types-of-treatment. Since there is no cure for PCOS a woman diagnosed with it should consult with her doctor early and often to discuss different types of treatment for different phases of her life. Lifestyle Modification will also go a long way toward helping alleviate a lot of the symptoms associated with PCOS. Here is a short list of Lifestyle Modification that you can consider and discuss with your doctor:
PCOS can be treated with a combination of birth control and metformin (glucophase). This is the generally accepted form of medical treatment for most women with PCOS. The birth control helps control the hormone imbalance and the glucophase helps control the Insulin Resistance or IR for short. Medical Treatment can vary depending on the patients goals and outcomes they want to achieve, for example is the patient considering pregnancy, menopausal, or does not want to conceive. For more information on the different types of treatments depending on where you are in your life I highly recommend the website http://www.pcosfoundation.org/types-of-treatment. Since there is no cure for PCOS a woman diagnosed with it should consult with her doctor early and often to discuss different types of treatment for different phases of her life. Lifestyle Modification will also go a long way toward helping alleviate a lot of the symptoms associated with PCOS. Here is a short list of Lifestyle Modification that you can consider and discuss with your doctor:
Lifestyle Modifications:
- Getting educated with nutrition- finding someone that specializes in PCOS or Diabetes
- Learning about nutrition labels
- Glycemic Index (GI and Glycemic Load (GL)) – learning the GI and GL
- Modifying your diet
- Eating and learning about well balanced meals
- Exercise- both cardiovascular and weight training
- Meditation for Anxiety, Breathing, Depression and Stress
- Non Smoking
Weight Loss:
- Medically supervised weight loss programs- General medical studies indicate that lowering weight can lower disease risk factors.
- Bariatric surgery- In some cases this surgical procedure may help women suffering and considered Obese. Check with your health care professional to see if this is right for you.
Alternative methods may include the following:
- Laser Hair removal
- Hormonal Treatments
- Vitamins and Minerals (best if gotten from a natural food source)
As you can see from the very small amount of information that I've touched on here in this blog entry Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome is not an easy, or straightforward disease. Each woman may experience different symptoms at different times in her life and may require separate treatments. The most important bit of advice I could give to a fellow PCOS "survivor" is to seek medical help as soon as you suspect you may have this disease and work to be pro-active about your health. It's your body and you only get one.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Do you speak Toddlerese?
Prater Points...I bet you're wondering what those are huh? Well they are our version of Colbert Coins an amazing idea I'm stealing from my mommy friend Elizabeth. So Elizabeth THANK YOU!! It's a new chart in our house for all of the kids. They can earn Prater Points for helping around the house and for getting good behavior at school, for using nice language in the home, especially to siblings, and for showing respect to others. This is our first full week of using Prater Points so we will see how this goes. I'm hoping it works and that it works well!
I've thought about documenting Magnus in a blog solely dedicated to him as he seems to be the most inventive child I've ever run across when it comes to creatively getting in trouble. I want you to picture my kitchen. It's shaped like the L piece in the game Tetris. On one side of the long L shape there's the pantry and a long counter on the other side stretching almost to the end of the long L side is the sink, dishwasher, stove, and refrigerator and it opens up at the bottom of the L into the french doors and dining area. Have you got that picture in your head?? Ok, now picture a 10lb bag of sugar sitting on the counter next to the pantry and next to the sugar is the coffee pot, toaster, and our mail holder. Seems harmless enough right? Now imagine that you are three years old, your mom has been at work all day leaving you at home with your dad and no other kids to play with thereby leaving you to your own devices to entertain yourself. Now how does that kitchen look to you? Does it look rife with possibilities of endless fun? Does it appear to hold the secrets to Transformers Rescue Bots? Have you ever in your childhood wondered if you could re-create Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs how awesome that would be?! What if you hated taking a shower but you loved sugar..would a sugar shower be cooler than a plain ole' water shower? I imagine as a three year old all of these things go through your mind and plus more stuff that I can only guess at, which is why when I came home from work yesterday to find Magnus hiding behind the t.v. stand I instantly knew something was up. First and foremost this is my 'babydoll' who runs to greet me at the door everyday for hugs and kisses so when I walked inside and was not immediately accosted for hugs and kisses I began to worry.
I'm going to take a break from this story to tell you a little bit about what goes on in my head when confronted by a situation like this. First and foremost I think, why is it so quiet? This thought is immediately followed by, are the kids outside? Downstairs? or backyard? When these possibilities have been checked out my next thought is, What's broken, ripped, burnt, painted, glued, or destroyed in some other random matter. I should tell you that I'm rarely wrong in assuming that, once again the children's father has lost control of the home situation and something is indeed destroyed. This ladies is why women are meant to be caregivers..because we care, about our homes, our children, chores, meals, school, all of these things we care enough about to make them priorities. Men, or at least my man, have only two maybe three priorities and they are as follows: Food, Money, and Sex. Everything else appears to be white noise to them. For instance last night my husband is recounting how our oldest son was almost late to school because he missed the bus. His exact words were "can you believe he was almost late to school because he missed the bus? I mean that little jerk told me "Dad I missed the bus why didn't you wake me up?" To which I replied "why did you not waking him up for school make him the little jerk? You're the adult you should have been the one to get him up and ready if anything that makes you the jerk". To which my husband replied "well isn't it obvious that I didn't wake him up because I was asleep? So you know you ask a stupid question...." Really that's level of intellect I'm married to. I know it's astounding but this is seriously how my husband processes parental information. When it comes to business and cars he's awesome, when it comes to home, school, or kids he's hopeless. It's like his ability to think in that arena is biologically retarded at the age of nine. I say that with all the love in my heart.
Now back to my Magnus story. I come home and am not greeted by my baby doll, after checking all areas of the house I find him hiding behind the t.v. Our conversation goes thusly:
"Magnus why are you hiding?"
"I'm not hiding"
"Ok then why are you behind the t.v. stand?"
"Because I'm hiding"
Deep breath in and chant serenity now.
"O.k. soooo who are you hiding from?"
"I'm hiding from daddy"
"why are you hiding from daddy?"
"because he's gonna be mad at me"
"What's he gonna be mad at you for?"
You can never just come out and ask Magnus what's going on because as you can see he's a master at avoidance.
"He's gonna be mad because I took a shower".
"Is that why you're naked?"
"No I was already naked".
"O.k. so why did you take a shower?"
uncontrollable giggling ensues.
Here comes Gavin who speaks fluent Magnus.
"Magnus what did you take a shower in?"
"I took a sugar shower!"
I look into the kitchen and see the 10lb bag of sugar on the edge of the kitchen counter with multiple stab wounds and leaking sugar all over the kitchen floor. At this point there is only one thing to do. Send the miscreant to take an actual shower and wash off all the sugar, sweep up the kitchen floor, and pour the remainder of the sugar into a canister. I like to think that as a seasoned working mom I can handle most things with grace and calm. I also like to think that I wouldn't flip my lid over some spilled sugar. I like to think those things..and sometimes I even succeed in them but yesterday there just wasn't a hole deep enough for me to crawl into. It took four sweepings to get all the sugar off the floor, 10 minutes to wash the kidlet, and five minutes to vacuum up the carpet where said kidlet had been hiding and shedding sugar all over the place. I would like to be angry with the kidlet but I just can't find it in myself to be angry with him. He's three there are two older people in that house one is almost 16 and the other one is 40 freaking years old!!! These are the two I'm mad at. These are the two that I'd like to take outside and lock all the doors and not let back in. Where are the older people responsible while I'm work? Outside on the back porch not minding a single thing! This is when I lose it. This is when I flip my lid and after cleaning everything up and saying my peace I get back in my car and drive to Walmart. Not because I want to but because as the sole responsible adult in my family I need to pick up two new sweatshirts for Gavin and a winter coat.
I've thought about documenting Magnus in a blog solely dedicated to him as he seems to be the most inventive child I've ever run across when it comes to creatively getting in trouble. I want you to picture my kitchen. It's shaped like the L piece in the game Tetris. On one side of the long L shape there's the pantry and a long counter on the other side stretching almost to the end of the long L side is the sink, dishwasher, stove, and refrigerator and it opens up at the bottom of the L into the french doors and dining area. Have you got that picture in your head?? Ok, now picture a 10lb bag of sugar sitting on the counter next to the pantry and next to the sugar is the coffee pot, toaster, and our mail holder. Seems harmless enough right? Now imagine that you are three years old, your mom has been at work all day leaving you at home with your dad and no other kids to play with thereby leaving you to your own devices to entertain yourself. Now how does that kitchen look to you? Does it look rife with possibilities of endless fun? Does it appear to hold the secrets to Transformers Rescue Bots? Have you ever in your childhood wondered if you could re-create Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs how awesome that would be?! What if you hated taking a shower but you loved sugar..would a sugar shower be cooler than a plain ole' water shower? I imagine as a three year old all of these things go through your mind and plus more stuff that I can only guess at, which is why when I came home from work yesterday to find Magnus hiding behind the t.v. stand I instantly knew something was up. First and foremost this is my 'babydoll' who runs to greet me at the door everyday for hugs and kisses so when I walked inside and was not immediately accosted for hugs and kisses I began to worry.
I'm going to take a break from this story to tell you a little bit about what goes on in my head when confronted by a situation like this. First and foremost I think, why is it so quiet? This thought is immediately followed by, are the kids outside? Downstairs? or backyard? When these possibilities have been checked out my next thought is, What's broken, ripped, burnt, painted, glued, or destroyed in some other random matter. I should tell you that I'm rarely wrong in assuming that, once again the children's father has lost control of the home situation and something is indeed destroyed. This ladies is why women are meant to be caregivers..because we care, about our homes, our children, chores, meals, school, all of these things we care enough about to make them priorities. Men, or at least my man, have only two maybe three priorities and they are as follows: Food, Money, and Sex. Everything else appears to be white noise to them. For instance last night my husband is recounting how our oldest son was almost late to school because he missed the bus. His exact words were "can you believe he was almost late to school because he missed the bus? I mean that little jerk told me "Dad I missed the bus why didn't you wake me up?" To which I replied "why did you not waking him up for school make him the little jerk? You're the adult you should have been the one to get him up and ready if anything that makes you the jerk". To which my husband replied "well isn't it obvious that I didn't wake him up because I was asleep? So you know you ask a stupid question...." Really that's level of intellect I'm married to. I know it's astounding but this is seriously how my husband processes parental information. When it comes to business and cars he's awesome, when it comes to home, school, or kids he's hopeless. It's like his ability to think in that arena is biologically retarded at the age of nine. I say that with all the love in my heart.
Now back to my Magnus story. I come home and am not greeted by my baby doll, after checking all areas of the house I find him hiding behind the t.v. Our conversation goes thusly:
"Magnus why are you hiding?"
"I'm not hiding"
"Ok then why are you behind the t.v. stand?"
"Because I'm hiding"
Deep breath in and chant serenity now.
"O.k. soooo who are you hiding from?"
"I'm hiding from daddy"
"why are you hiding from daddy?"
"because he's gonna be mad at me"
"What's he gonna be mad at you for?"
You can never just come out and ask Magnus what's going on because as you can see he's a master at avoidance.
"He's gonna be mad because I took a shower".
"Is that why you're naked?"
"No I was already naked".
"O.k. so why did you take a shower?"
uncontrollable giggling ensues.
Here comes Gavin who speaks fluent Magnus.
"Magnus what did you take a shower in?"
"I took a sugar shower!"
I look into the kitchen and see the 10lb bag of sugar on the edge of the kitchen counter with multiple stab wounds and leaking sugar all over the kitchen floor. At this point there is only one thing to do. Send the miscreant to take an actual shower and wash off all the sugar, sweep up the kitchen floor, and pour the remainder of the sugar into a canister. I like to think that as a seasoned working mom I can handle most things with grace and calm. I also like to think that I wouldn't flip my lid over some spilled sugar. I like to think those things..and sometimes I even succeed in them but yesterday there just wasn't a hole deep enough for me to crawl into. It took four sweepings to get all the sugar off the floor, 10 minutes to wash the kidlet, and five minutes to vacuum up the carpet where said kidlet had been hiding and shedding sugar all over the place. I would like to be angry with the kidlet but I just can't find it in myself to be angry with him. He's three there are two older people in that house one is almost 16 and the other one is 40 freaking years old!!! These are the two I'm mad at. These are the two that I'd like to take outside and lock all the doors and not let back in. Where are the older people responsible while I'm work? Outside on the back porch not minding a single thing! This is when I lose it. This is when I flip my lid and after cleaning everything up and saying my peace I get back in my car and drive to Walmart. Not because I want to but because as the sole responsible adult in my family I need to pick up two new sweatshirts for Gavin and a winter coat.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Does it ever get easy?!!
Parenting I mean, does it ever get easier? Someone once told me that boys are hard when their small but they're much easier as teenagers and that girls are the opposite. I hope that's true because right now I have one teenage girl and two small boys that are bound and determined to send me to the funny farm and there's nothing funny about it.
Gavin started the first grade off really well and in the month of September it's devolved into a constant struggle between me/him/and his dad. If he's not whining about something he's mouthing off, if he's not mouthing off he's throwing supreme fits. I'm left scratching my head and wondering where my little boy went and who replaced him with bipolar boy? I'm at a loss as to how to handle it I've grounded him, created extra chores for him, taken away his outside play time, his game playing time, and have even tried reasoning with him but nothing and I mean NOTHING makes an impact. There's a key to this I know there is but dang if it isn't locked up tighter than fort knox and I don't have the cat burglar skills to figure it out. I'd call my mom an ask but she'd just tell me i'm being to hard on him and poor little Gavin. I'm rolling my eyes just thinking about that phone call. My mom had 6 girls and 1 boy so she tends to be biased toward her grandsons any advice she gives is circumspect.
Magnus ugh he's 3 and he's the baby and he's determined to be heard, seen, and felt in every spare second and a few he steals from his siblings. It's gotten to the point that I can't even come in the house before he's all over me. Magnus has also picked up the most annoying habit of grabbing my face and screaming in it when he wants my attention. Repeatedly I've told him to stop, repeatedly I've sent him to his room for doing it and repeatedly he's ignored me and continued to do it. Have I mentioned that he's a nudist as well? No? Oh well let me enlighten you to my typical day. I wake up for work to discover that a naked Magnus has slipped into bed next to me sometime during the night. I dress him and then dress myself and go to work. I come home 9 hours later to a naked Magnus running through the house. I ask him "do you need a bath?" he responds "no" I say "then why are you naked" he says back to me "because I like the way it feels". The days I can get him to wear underwear are a win for me because most days I dress him and he strips five minutes later. It's a revolving door of dress, strip, dress, strip. Some days it's just not worth the argument and I allow him to roam the house naked as the day he was born. I really hope he grows out of this before he starts Kindergarten cause I can just see the e-mails i'd get about that kid.
Andrea's ok she's liking 10th grade a lot more than she did 9th grade and she's got a group of girls that she's friends with. She's getting out more and staying home less. She's excited about the homecomng dance her and a group of her girlfriends are all going stag together. She's really impressing me with her academic skills as well she's taking an AP History course, Chemistry, Spanish 2, Algebra2, 3 dimensional art(whatever that is) and communications. This summer she's enrolling in the University of Missouri St. Louis pre-collegiate bridge program which a free program for high school students that qualify. It's a huge committment that will pay off big for her in the form of scholarships, college credit for math, science, english, and communications. She has a plan to be done with the first year of college by the time she graduates from high school and she's sticking with it. It's a huge undertaking for most college freshmen and she's a sophomore in high school. I think i'm more nervous about her classes than she is. I got the syllabus for the AP history class and about died!! I didn't do that much work when I took the class in college and then there's the AP exam in March to get the college credit for it! She's not worried but I am sweating bullets over this class and i'm not the student. The amount of homework that girl has every night is ludicrous and i've officially taken her out of the chore rotation because no way can she keep up with it all some nights she's up till 10 or 11 just doing homework. Today when I got home from work she bust out in tears and told me she forgot to upload her project for class on Monday. I told her it's Friday chicka you got two days to upload it it'll be fine. Then I sent her out with her friends to RELAX because seriously she needs it, I mean breaking down over a project that's not due till Monday and all you have to do is upload it..girl is need of some R&R.
I wish I could say this parenting journey has been fun but that would be a lie. It's work with a capital W and like work I've discovered that there are moments of fun, moments of joy, and moments of pride, but mostly it's blood, sweat, and tears.
Gavin started the first grade off really well and in the month of September it's devolved into a constant struggle between me/him/and his dad. If he's not whining about something he's mouthing off, if he's not mouthing off he's throwing supreme fits. I'm left scratching my head and wondering where my little boy went and who replaced him with bipolar boy? I'm at a loss as to how to handle it I've grounded him, created extra chores for him, taken away his outside play time, his game playing time, and have even tried reasoning with him but nothing and I mean NOTHING makes an impact. There's a key to this I know there is but dang if it isn't locked up tighter than fort knox and I don't have the cat burglar skills to figure it out. I'd call my mom an ask but she'd just tell me i'm being to hard on him and poor little Gavin. I'm rolling my eyes just thinking about that phone call. My mom had 6 girls and 1 boy so she tends to be biased toward her grandsons any advice she gives is circumspect.
Magnus ugh he's 3 and he's the baby and he's determined to be heard, seen, and felt in every spare second and a few he steals from his siblings. It's gotten to the point that I can't even come in the house before he's all over me. Magnus has also picked up the most annoying habit of grabbing my face and screaming in it when he wants my attention. Repeatedly I've told him to stop, repeatedly I've sent him to his room for doing it and repeatedly he's ignored me and continued to do it. Have I mentioned that he's a nudist as well? No? Oh well let me enlighten you to my typical day. I wake up for work to discover that a naked Magnus has slipped into bed next to me sometime during the night. I dress him and then dress myself and go to work. I come home 9 hours later to a naked Magnus running through the house. I ask him "do you need a bath?" he responds "no" I say "then why are you naked" he says back to me "because I like the way it feels". The days I can get him to wear underwear are a win for me because most days I dress him and he strips five minutes later. It's a revolving door of dress, strip, dress, strip. Some days it's just not worth the argument and I allow him to roam the house naked as the day he was born. I really hope he grows out of this before he starts Kindergarten cause I can just see the e-mails i'd get about that kid.
Andrea's ok she's liking 10th grade a lot more than she did 9th grade and she's got a group of girls that she's friends with. She's getting out more and staying home less. She's excited about the homecomng dance her and a group of her girlfriends are all going stag together. She's really impressing me with her academic skills as well she's taking an AP History course, Chemistry, Spanish 2, Algebra2, 3 dimensional art(whatever that is) and communications. This summer she's enrolling in the University of Missouri St. Louis pre-collegiate bridge program which a free program for high school students that qualify. It's a huge committment that will pay off big for her in the form of scholarships, college credit for math, science, english, and communications. She has a plan to be done with the first year of college by the time she graduates from high school and she's sticking with it. It's a huge undertaking for most college freshmen and she's a sophomore in high school. I think i'm more nervous about her classes than she is. I got the syllabus for the AP history class and about died!! I didn't do that much work when I took the class in college and then there's the AP exam in March to get the college credit for it! She's not worried but I am sweating bullets over this class and i'm not the student. The amount of homework that girl has every night is ludicrous and i've officially taken her out of the chore rotation because no way can she keep up with it all some nights she's up till 10 or 11 just doing homework. Today when I got home from work she bust out in tears and told me she forgot to upload her project for class on Monday. I told her it's Friday chicka you got two days to upload it it'll be fine. Then I sent her out with her friends to RELAX because seriously she needs it, I mean breaking down over a project that's not due till Monday and all you have to do is upload it..girl is need of some R&R.
I wish I could say this parenting journey has been fun but that would be a lie. It's work with a capital W and like work I've discovered that there are moments of fun, moments of joy, and moments of pride, but mostly it's blood, sweat, and tears.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Catch up
That's the name of the game for me for the past few month. I feel like I'm running behind on everything and life is out running me. Gavin's first year of school is almost over and I can't say it was a complete success but it's wasn't a complete failure either. Andrea's first year of high school was o.k. but again I find myself in a state of frustration over her lack of enthusiasm for anything! at all! in her life. I can't imagine being so blase about EVERYTHING in life. She says she's not depressed but I don't buy that for a second. First off she refuses to leave the house, she's eating her feeling and putting on weight, and she doesn't seem to have any interest in anything including the things she used to love. I know a lot of it is from dealing with the emotional and physical abandoment from her mom but I believe some of it simply because the friends she would have gone to for support have all moved away. I need to come up with SOMETHING to get her motivated and out of her funk. April is going to be BUSY! Just in the first week of April we have two birthdays one is Phil's and two days later it's Gavin then Good Friday and the Easter Pageant rehearsel on Saturday then Easter on Sunday. The following week is another birthday and then preperations for Gavin's first school musical. They are doing a rock opera of Stone Soup and Gavin has a part in the production. Gavin also has a science fair project that's due the third week of April. Lord give me strength because in between all of that we have Andrea's Youth Group activities and they are doing a sermon on one Sunday in April that they have to be prepared for and a Trivia Night toward the end of April. Or Lord Jesus be my strength and give me the grace to be pulled and stretched in many many many different directions.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Resistance
I've been resistant to writing ANYTHING for the past few months. Don't get me twisted cornflake it's not that I haven't been writing it's that what I've been writing SUCKS!!! I mean is sucks to enormously that's is EPIC! I can't even reconcile the abysmal failure with my own self confidence as a writer that's how epically bad this past few months of writing have been. So my dad in all his infinite wisdom told me to write a poem. Nothing major..nothing having to do with my book..and most of all nothing too cerebral or taxing. Just a little poem something for fun, to get the creative juices flowing again, instill some self confidence back into me, a shot in the arm if you will, so after much resistance, because a Poetess I am NOT, I decided to try. What could it hurt right? I mean it's just a poem. So I got out a piece of paper and stared at it...............for DAYS.......and DAYS...and that blank piece of paper stared right back at me, mocking me, taunting me, telling me I wasn't good enough to even bang out a simple poem!!!! So I did what any self respecting writer would do. I tore up the paper and lit it on fire while cursing the universe for creating writers block in the first place! That's when it happened..I finally thought of a poem and I had to it write down.
A divergent interest
I hate you Poetry.
I hate you're word structure,
Your phrasing,
Your sycophantic syncopation!
I hate your blocking and your Iambic pentameter.
Your Haiku's make no sense!
Your Allegories bore me,
Your Alliteration is pretentious at best.
Like the proverbial whore of Babylon,
You lend your wanton ways, your Limerick's
To drunk Irishmen and horny teenage boys.
Your Ballads are but a poor imitation.
Eclipsed by the written prose.
Blank Verse is but an excuse,
An anemic measure of creativity.
Poetry you are lazy.
You lack the dedication of Prose
The beauty of a paragraph is lost on you.
You are the poor, illiterate cousin,
Shunned for her ignorance and loose morals.
Oh that you should aspire,
To the heights of novellas.
Be as inspired as plays.
Seek to create a universe as diverse as a novel.
I hate you Poetry.
I even hate this poem!
A divergent interest
I hate you Poetry.
I hate you're word structure,
Your phrasing,
Your sycophantic syncopation!
I hate your blocking and your Iambic pentameter.
Your Haiku's make no sense!
Your Allegories bore me,
Your Alliteration is pretentious at best.
Like the proverbial whore of Babylon,
You lend your wanton ways, your Limerick's
To drunk Irishmen and horny teenage boys.
Your Ballads are but a poor imitation.
Eclipsed by the written prose.
Blank Verse is but an excuse,
An anemic measure of creativity.
Poetry you are lazy.
You lack the dedication of Prose
The beauty of a paragraph is lost on you.
You are the poor, illiterate cousin,
Shunned for her ignorance and loose morals.
Oh that you should aspire,
To the heights of novellas.
Be as inspired as plays.
Seek to create a universe as diverse as a novel.
I hate you Poetry.
I even hate this poem!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Overheard at home!
Andrea to her dad: The basement smells like fresh butt...I guess it's time for it to be cleaned.
I just keep walking and shaking my head.
I just keep walking and shaking my head.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Overheard Everywhere | More Overheard Quotes (Page 14)
Overheard Everywhere More Overheard Quotes (Page 14): Thus Racing Through the Full College Experience in One Day
College guy #1: We should get wasted.
College guy #2: We should wasted and go to the dining hall.
College guy #1: We should get wasted, go to the dining hall, and then throw-up.
Strangely enough I've done this! In college no less LOL. It's gotta be like a time honored tradition or something.
College guy #1: We should get wasted.
College guy #2: We should wasted and go to the dining hall.
College guy #1: We should get wasted, go to the dining hall, and then throw-up.
Strangely enough I've done this! In college no less LOL. It's gotta be like a time honored tradition or something.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Natural consequences
Sometimes as a parent nature has a way of disciplining our children for us thereby negating our need to step in. I'd like to highlight just such an occasion that occurred last week with my older middle child.
THE BACK STORY
My husband and I have told him a hundred times to stay off of the "hang ups", an exercise machine that turns you upside down to relieve pressure on your back while you do sit up, and a hundred times he's "forgotten". Over and over and over again we've caught him climbing on it and over and over again we've told him it's dangerous to play on it, it's for adults, it's NOT A TOY! Still his short term memory has refused to store that information into long term memory.
THE INCIDENT
Date: January 4th.
Time: 4:15 p.m.
At approximately 4:15 p.m. while the oldest child (15 years) was watching the younger two (5 years and 2 1/2 years) middle son decided to once again "forget" the rules of staying off his dad's Hang Up's machine. While the oldest was pre-occupied cleaning up the youngest the middle child took that opportunity to once again scale the machine. Unlike every other time before there was no adult present to tell him, for the millionth time, to get down it's not a toy. The lock on this particular mechanism was loose and the weight of said child at the apex of the machine caused an overbalance of weight which caused the lock to slip and slam the middle child into the floor face first.
MY DAY PRIOR TO THE INCIDENT
I work at a Community College full time. I work in the counseling/advising office. This loosely translates as I deal with grown adults that still think they're children and teenagers who whine and cry like they are toddlers. This particular day was my first day back at work after the long Christmas break. In short it sucked balls. I was anticipating a nice night at home with my family some dinner and an early bed time.
WHAT I CAME HOME TO INSTEAD
When I walked through the door ,after a bad day at work, I found the middle child, we'll call him Quasimodo, with a wash rag full of ice pressed to his broken and bleeding mouth. The toddler in a diaper and the oldest freaking out. *Le Sigh* Since turning around and pretending that I didn't know these children was not an option I assessed the situation. One chipped tooth, one loose tooth, and one broken tooth, swollen lips and two abrasion on the left eyelid, LOTS OF BLOOD! Mouth wounds bleed, well head wounds in general bleed a lot so copious amounts of blood are expected when head trauma is involved. The blood didn't bother me, the broken teeth alarmed me, and at this point I'm not freaking out. I've done the concussion thing before with my youngest so I knew what questions to ask him, I knew how to assess him and he checked out. He had a headache and his mouth hurt. Yeeeahhh cause you just got face planted into the basement floor genius. I placed my first phone call to the after hours dentist number and made an emergency appointment for him to come in the next day and have his teeth and mouth checked out. Since no teeth were actually busted out of the mouth the dentist felt some children's Tylenol for the pain and ice for the swelling would be sufficient. Sounded good to me so I drugged him and iced him and called my sister in law to come over and watch him because I still had volunteer work to do at the church that night.
WHAT I CAME HOME TO PART DEAUX
He puked. Lots! Not once but twice. My next phone call was to the pediatrics after hours exchange. I knew when I placed the call he had a concussion. I knew before they said anything that they were going to send us to the ER. I knew all of this and still I had to make the call. What I was not expecting was to be asked by the ER nurse if he was wearing a helmet when he hit the floor. First off he's not special needs, I know you were all thinking it it's ok I thought it too when she asked. Secondly this was not some planned experiment to see if the helmet would in fact protect his brains in the case of a head trauma. Thirdly no my kids, and I'd love to see the person whose kids actually do this, wear helmets while at home in the house because, and call me crazy, I didn't think it would be necessary to protect them inside their own home!
RECAP
Middle son a.k.a. Quasimodo climbs up on his dad's Hang ups machine after being repeatedly told not to. The lock on the machine comes off and he's flung face first into the basement floor. End result after a day and half at the ER is a concussion restricting him to limited physical activity one chipped tooth, one loose tooth, and one broken canine.
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
Quasimodo is effectively grounded due to the concussion. He's not allowed to participate in P.E. class at school, he's restricted from playing on the playground or participating in any activity where a head injury could occur. Due to the state his mouth is in he's restricted to the type and consistency of the foods he can eat. Soft foods only which rules out any of his favorite foods such as pizza, spaghetti, eggplant Parmesan or any of the other foods we usually eat for dinner. Milk and dairy based products such as yogurt and soft cheeses are highly recommended to help strengthen the teeth that are injured and keep them from prematurely falling out. Last but not least headaches and mouth pain expected to last for a minimum of a week and up to two weeks.
I, with all of my creativity as a parent, could not have come up with a better consequence for disobedience. Hopefully this has driven the point home that we don't play on things intended for adults and when our parents tell us no it's for our own good.
THE BACK STORY
My husband and I have told him a hundred times to stay off of the "hang ups", an exercise machine that turns you upside down to relieve pressure on your back while you do sit up, and a hundred times he's "forgotten". Over and over and over again we've caught him climbing on it and over and over again we've told him it's dangerous to play on it, it's for adults, it's NOT A TOY! Still his short term memory has refused to store that information into long term memory.
THE INCIDENT
Date: January 4th.
Time: 4:15 p.m.
At approximately 4:15 p.m. while the oldest child (15 years) was watching the younger two (5 years and 2 1/2 years) middle son decided to once again "forget" the rules of staying off his dad's Hang Up's machine. While the oldest was pre-occupied cleaning up the youngest the middle child took that opportunity to once again scale the machine. Unlike every other time before there was no adult present to tell him, for the millionth time, to get down it's not a toy. The lock on this particular mechanism was loose and the weight of said child at the apex of the machine caused an overbalance of weight which caused the lock to slip and slam the middle child into the floor face first.
MY DAY PRIOR TO THE INCIDENT
I work at a Community College full time. I work in the counseling/advising office. This loosely translates as I deal with grown adults that still think they're children and teenagers who whine and cry like they are toddlers. This particular day was my first day back at work after the long Christmas break. In short it sucked balls. I was anticipating a nice night at home with my family some dinner and an early bed time.
WHAT I CAME HOME TO INSTEAD
When I walked through the door ,after a bad day at work, I found the middle child, we'll call him Quasimodo, with a wash rag full of ice pressed to his broken and bleeding mouth. The toddler in a diaper and the oldest freaking out. *Le Sigh* Since turning around and pretending that I didn't know these children was not an option I assessed the situation. One chipped tooth, one loose tooth, and one broken tooth, swollen lips and two abrasion on the left eyelid, LOTS OF BLOOD! Mouth wounds bleed, well head wounds in general bleed a lot so copious amounts of blood are expected when head trauma is involved. The blood didn't bother me, the broken teeth alarmed me, and at this point I'm not freaking out. I've done the concussion thing before with my youngest so I knew what questions to ask him, I knew how to assess him and he checked out. He had a headache and his mouth hurt. Yeeeahhh cause you just got face planted into the basement floor genius. I placed my first phone call to the after hours dentist number and made an emergency appointment for him to come in the next day and have his teeth and mouth checked out. Since no teeth were actually busted out of the mouth the dentist felt some children's Tylenol for the pain and ice for the swelling would be sufficient. Sounded good to me so I drugged him and iced him and called my sister in law to come over and watch him because I still had volunteer work to do at the church that night.
WHAT I CAME HOME TO PART DEAUX
He puked. Lots! Not once but twice. My next phone call was to the pediatrics after hours exchange. I knew when I placed the call he had a concussion. I knew before they said anything that they were going to send us to the ER. I knew all of this and still I had to make the call. What I was not expecting was to be asked by the ER nurse if he was wearing a helmet when he hit the floor. First off he's not special needs, I know you were all thinking it it's ok I thought it too when she asked. Secondly this was not some planned experiment to see if the helmet would in fact protect his brains in the case of a head trauma. Thirdly no my kids, and I'd love to see the person whose kids actually do this, wear helmets while at home in the house because, and call me crazy, I didn't think it would be necessary to protect them inside their own home!
RECAP
Middle son a.k.a. Quasimodo climbs up on his dad's Hang ups machine after being repeatedly told not to. The lock on the machine comes off and he's flung face first into the basement floor. End result after a day and half at the ER is a concussion restricting him to limited physical activity one chipped tooth, one loose tooth, and one broken canine.
NATURAL CONSEQUENCES
Quasimodo is effectively grounded due to the concussion. He's not allowed to participate in P.E. class at school, he's restricted from playing on the playground or participating in any activity where a head injury could occur. Due to the state his mouth is in he's restricted to the type and consistency of the foods he can eat. Soft foods only which rules out any of his favorite foods such as pizza, spaghetti, eggplant Parmesan or any of the other foods we usually eat for dinner. Milk and dairy based products such as yogurt and soft cheeses are highly recommended to help strengthen the teeth that are injured and keep them from prematurely falling out. Last but not least headaches and mouth pain expected to last for a minimum of a week and up to two weeks.
I, with all of my creativity as a parent, could not have come up with a better consequence for disobedience. Hopefully this has driven the point home that we don't play on things intended for adults and when our parents tell us no it's for our own good.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
In with the new year out with the old one
2011 went by fast! So fast in fact that I don't remember most of it and what I do remember wasn't good...so ya know I wish I could forget that part!
So here's what I know so far about 2012:
All of the presidential candidates graduated from clown college. I know this because they are all a big joke!
My husband has defined a new word for procrastination. It's called procrastidon't. That's when you procrastinate to the point that it just doesn't happen. As in my husband is so far past procrastination that he's a procrastidon't. Yes it's my word and I've created it and defined it expressly for him!
I have a new "martha stewart" project. I'm going to use these butt ugly plastic crates and cover them with fabric to re-purpose them into sweater bins in the hopes that it will contain the clothing clutter in every one's closets. I mean sweaters just take up sooo much room in the drawers it would be nice to have a way to contain them without just leaving them sitting on a closet shelf.
My stepson seems pretty determined to live with us. I'm not sure why since he seems to have a hard grasp of rights vs. responsibilities and privilege vs. needs. This I do know there is no way given the balance in our household and the hard won peace that I'm prepared or ready to have him living with us full time. I really believe there is a point where parenting leaves off and guidance takes over so whatever parenting was going to happen would have to have been done by the time the child is 13. After that it's an act of God or Divine Intervention to change what someone else has done to that child. In short my stepson is way too much his step dads brainwashed automaton for me to even want to take on that challenge. The only problem is as long as I'm married to my husband I really don't have a choice and if he's going to be around my sons I'd rather be there to oversee the interactions between them so I can correct them when needed. What is that Elizabeth calls those "teachable moments"? Yeeaaahh I had plenty of those moments over the winter break! It's just mind boggling to me that he wants to live with us when before he never seemed to care one way or the other and I'm a disciplinarian I believe in consequences for your actions both good and bad. So IDK go figure..I guess it's true what they say and children crave discipline.
Gavin will be six years old this year! I don't know where the time went but I've got a ton of pictures to look back on. This year I've decided no birthday party. I think it's important to realize what you're good at and what you're not good at. I'm not a social butterfly or a party person. I don't enjoy planning those things they stress me out and leave me feeling exhausted by the end of it. This year I have a different plan instead of a birthday party I'm going to let him invite two of his friends over for a wii game night. They can come dressed in their pj's, have pizza and apps, and play the wii till their parents pick them up at like idk what 9 or 10? No party, no fuss, no muss, but it's still a celebration :-) !!
Andrea is getting her drivers permit next week! You know unless her dad decides to be a procrastidon't and not get her birth certificate. That girl is very excited to drive and I'm just as determined to NOT be in the car with her when she does. I don't even want to think about her turning 16 this year and being able to legally drive!
Magnus will be 3 in July which means he'll be starting preschool in August. My littlest baby is growing up as well :-( I know he'll love school though so I'm excited for him to reach that milestone and feel like a "big boy".
Some of my favorite kidsaying's from 2011:
Magnus: Mommy I love you but I not a baby.
I love you more when you give me candy.
Back off me bro I'm Magnus!!
Co..co..come at me bro!
I Pastor! You give me that now!
Gavin: Life in time out sucks.
I'm not coming out from under this desk till you teach me something.
Liking you and loving you are not the same thing! (wiser words were never spoken)
My all time favorite because it demonstrated to me that he IS listening when I talk was the explanation he gave his 12 year old stepbrother in the car about why I wouldn't allow war games in the house: Gavin to his stepbrother: You can't play those games in our house because Magnus and I are little kids and we have young developing minds that shouldn't be exposed to that much violence, bad words, and inappropriate content.
Andrea: Said while explaining venereal diseases to me and my younger sister Lafon on her visit up here: That stuff is broken yo! If you have sex you'll be broken and then you'll have kids and they'll be broken! So If you have those diseases you need to keep that stuff to yourself and remove yourself from the gene pool.
Said while explaining a scary cartoon: That stuff is Pixelated!!
Why do all home wrecking hoe's seem to be named Lisa?
That's it for 2011 folks here's hoping 2012 brings us closer to whatever our goals may be.
So here's what I know so far about 2012:
All of the presidential candidates graduated from clown college. I know this because they are all a big joke!
My husband has defined a new word for procrastination. It's called procrastidon't. That's when you procrastinate to the point that it just doesn't happen. As in my husband is so far past procrastination that he's a procrastidon't. Yes it's my word and I've created it and defined it expressly for him!
I have a new "martha stewart" project. I'm going to use these butt ugly plastic crates and cover them with fabric to re-purpose them into sweater bins in the hopes that it will contain the clothing clutter in every one's closets. I mean sweaters just take up sooo much room in the drawers it would be nice to have a way to contain them without just leaving them sitting on a closet shelf.
My stepson seems pretty determined to live with us. I'm not sure why since he seems to have a hard grasp of rights vs. responsibilities and privilege vs. needs. This I do know there is no way given the balance in our household and the hard won peace that I'm prepared or ready to have him living with us full time. I really believe there is a point where parenting leaves off and guidance takes over so whatever parenting was going to happen would have to have been done by the time the child is 13. After that it's an act of God or Divine Intervention to change what someone else has done to that child. In short my stepson is way too much his step dads brainwashed automaton for me to even want to take on that challenge. The only problem is as long as I'm married to my husband I really don't have a choice and if he's going to be around my sons I'd rather be there to oversee the interactions between them so I can correct them when needed. What is that Elizabeth calls those "teachable moments"? Yeeaaahh I had plenty of those moments over the winter break! It's just mind boggling to me that he wants to live with us when before he never seemed to care one way or the other and I'm a disciplinarian I believe in consequences for your actions both good and bad. So IDK go figure..I guess it's true what they say and children crave discipline.
Gavin will be six years old this year! I don't know where the time went but I've got a ton of pictures to look back on. This year I've decided no birthday party. I think it's important to realize what you're good at and what you're not good at. I'm not a social butterfly or a party person. I don't enjoy planning those things they stress me out and leave me feeling exhausted by the end of it. This year I have a different plan instead of a birthday party I'm going to let him invite two of his friends over for a wii game night. They can come dressed in their pj's, have pizza and apps, and play the wii till their parents pick them up at like idk what 9 or 10? No party, no fuss, no muss, but it's still a celebration :-) !!
Andrea is getting her drivers permit next week! You know unless her dad decides to be a procrastidon't and not get her birth certificate. That girl is very excited to drive and I'm just as determined to NOT be in the car with her when she does. I don't even want to think about her turning 16 this year and being able to legally drive!
Magnus will be 3 in July which means he'll be starting preschool in August. My littlest baby is growing up as well :-( I know he'll love school though so I'm excited for him to reach that milestone and feel like a "big boy".
Some of my favorite kidsaying's from 2011:
Magnus: Mommy I love you but I not a baby.
I love you more when you give me candy.
Back off me bro I'm Magnus!!
Co..co..come at me bro!
I Pastor! You give me that now!
Gavin: Life in time out sucks.
I'm not coming out from under this desk till you teach me something.
Liking you and loving you are not the same thing! (wiser words were never spoken)
My all time favorite because it demonstrated to me that he IS listening when I talk was the explanation he gave his 12 year old stepbrother in the car about why I wouldn't allow war games in the house: Gavin to his stepbrother: You can't play those games in our house because Magnus and I are little kids and we have young developing minds that shouldn't be exposed to that much violence, bad words, and inappropriate content.
Andrea: Said while explaining venereal diseases to me and my younger sister Lafon on her visit up here: That stuff is broken yo! If you have sex you'll be broken and then you'll have kids and they'll be broken! So If you have those diseases you need to keep that stuff to yourself and remove yourself from the gene pool.
Said while explaining a scary cartoon: That stuff is Pixelated!!
Why do all home wrecking hoe's seem to be named Lisa?
That's it for 2011 folks here's hoping 2012 brings us closer to whatever our goals may be.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It's just not the holidays until someone cries
Thanksgiving officially kicks off our families crazy holiday mad dash for the new year. I started a tradition a while ago to count a blessing everyday leading up to the new year so that I can take a moment and remember that all this insanity is worth it. It's worth it dangit!!!!! Every year it's the same story with my husband's ex and every year I have to run around playing peace maker and smoothing ruffled feathers between my husband and the rest of the world. What i'm saying is it's stressful folks! This year we have the added bonus of dealing with a close personal friends breast cancer and divorce from her husband. Well we found out about all of this months ago and it's just been ongoing so I wouldn't say it started with the holiday season but ya know what did start with the holiday season? A little ditty that I'd like to dedicate to our blended family mess:
The 12 Days of holiday tears:
On the first day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
ONE angsty teenage girl
On the second day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Two little boys who fight over everything
On the third day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Three married couples on the brink of divorce
On the fourth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Four slammed doors and a husband cussing up a storm.
On the fifth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Five nights of crappy sleep
On the sixth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Six angry texts from my husbands ex.
On the seventh day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
seven deadlines for projects at work.
On the eighth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Eight little spats between my husband and me
On the ninth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Nine church obligations
On the tenth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Ten helping hands in the NA nursery
On the eleventh day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Eleven phone calls to our attorney.
On the twelfth day of Christmas the the good Lord gave to me...
Twelve days of stress and anxiety
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year. May your days be merry and your nights be free of worry. May the Lord bless you and Keep you and make his face to shine upon all the days of your lives.
Peace! I'm out!!!
The 12 Days of holiday tears:
On the first day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
ONE angsty teenage girl
On the second day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Two little boys who fight over everything
On the third day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Three married couples on the brink of divorce
On the fourth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Four slammed doors and a husband cussing up a storm.
On the fifth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Five nights of crappy sleep
On the sixth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Six angry texts from my husbands ex.
On the seventh day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
seven deadlines for projects at work.
On the eighth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Eight little spats between my husband and me
On the ninth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Nine church obligations
On the tenth day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me...
Ten helping hands in the NA nursery
On the eleventh day of Christmas the good Lord gave to me..
Eleven phone calls to our attorney.
On the twelfth day of Christmas the the good Lord gave to me...
Twelve days of stress and anxiety
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year. May your days be merry and your nights be free of worry. May the Lord bless you and Keep you and make his face to shine upon all the days of your lives.
Peace! I'm out!!!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Mixed and Matched?
I have a fellow blogger friend whose blog is Ebeth's four and no more. She blogs about her family of four children, ducks, horses, and her faith. I love to read her blogs and I've often wondered how she does it all without going insane. She's a mom whose passionate about education, family (you'll often here her say these moments are fleeting and memories are all you'll have), and her faith. I'm a mom whose passionate about education, family, and faith..you start see why we get along huh. One of the few differences between us is that I'm a bonus mommy and my husband had two children before we met then we had two children together. Cicircumstances, that would take a novel to explain, have kept our blended family in fragments for a while so I've never been able to identify with the "four and no more" until recently. Thanksgiving was my first experience with a family of six. I'd like to say that I handled it well but that would be lying. My mom was in town with my younger sister Lafon and they helped...a lot! I begin to wonder anew how my mother managed with seven children and an adult child for a husband. Once more she has been solidified in my eyes as a giant among women!
The first obstacle we had to over come with the "newly" acquired bonus son was transportation. We both have compact cars. I drive a Honda accord and he drives a Saturn. Now normally this is not a problem as we usually take the Honda when we go as a family which seats five but with six not so much. The next hurdle was "where is he going to sleep?". Thankfully Phillip had been given a fold out sofa for the family room downstairs, that's right folks God IS good! The next major obstacle was he came to us with NO CLOTHES!!! we have two sons together they are aged five and two years. Bonus son is 12 years old soooo no chance of those clothes fitting him ever! Now thanks some Christmas angels and really amazing St.Louis Mommie friend Kenisha we have a whole wardrobe for him from fall/winter and spring/summer...which brings us to physical obstacle number four. Where do you put two seasons of clothes when all the dressers and closet space are being used for the other three children that live there full time? Even with all of these obstacles I know that God will see us through it. Like I told my husband I love to read the stories in the bible not so much living them. Especially not the prodigal son story! Lord I know you have a plan for my family a plan to prosper and not to harm...now if you could just help me remember that in the dark days ahead I'd be forever grateful.
The first obstacle we had to over come with the "newly" acquired bonus son was transportation. We both have compact cars. I drive a Honda accord and he drives a Saturn. Now normally this is not a problem as we usually take the Honda when we go as a family which seats five but with six not so much. The next hurdle was "where is he going to sleep?". Thankfully Phillip had been given a fold out sofa for the family room downstairs, that's right folks God IS good! The next major obstacle was he came to us with NO CLOTHES!!! we have two sons together they are aged five and two years. Bonus son is 12 years old soooo no chance of those clothes fitting him ever! Now thanks some Christmas angels and really amazing St.Louis Mommie friend Kenisha we have a whole wardrobe for him from fall/winter and spring/summer...which brings us to physical obstacle number four. Where do you put two seasons of clothes when all the dressers and closet space are being used for the other three children that live there full time? Even with all of these obstacles I know that God will see us through it. Like I told my husband I love to read the stories in the bible not so much living them. Especially not the prodigal son story! Lord I know you have a plan for my family a plan to prosper and not to harm...now if you could just help me remember that in the dark days ahead I'd be forever grateful.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Lessons I wish I knew early in life
I'm approaching a birthday. Ugghhh in three months I'll be 33 years old. This may not seem that old to some but according to the Beloit College Mindset list i'm freaking ancient! I can attribute these feelings of out datedness to technology which is both the jewel and the bane of my existence. If you want to read up on the mindset of this years crop of incoming freshman and join me in my lamenting woes you can do so by clicking on this: http://www.beloit.edu/mindset/2014/
As this birthday looms larger than life for me this year with my oldest biological son entering Kindergarten and my bonus daughter beginning her freshman year of high school I'm looking back at my younger, thinner, more stupid self and wishing I could give her some advice. Some things I'd like to go back and tell her, but knowing myself as well as I do, she wouldn't listen to me anyway are listed below.
1) It's ok to fail. The world will not end if you screw up pursuing your dream as a writer and your family will not think less of you for doing so.
2)NO ONE looks good in Spandex, flourescent lighting, or too small clothes
3) Keep your wardrobe you'll be shocked at how quickly that fashion comes back around in your lifetime.
4) Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should.
5) 1 out of ever 3 people will not like you and that's OK
6) You are not a weirdo, creepy, loser for keeping a journal but make sure you keep a lock on that thing!!
7) Save your money (conversly stay away from credit cards).
8)Go to counseling BEFORE you decide to get married
9) Move somewhere and learn to live alone, learn to enjoy living alone
10) Life isn't fair, it's usually not fair in your favor so quite whining about it.
11) When someone says "it could be worse" believe them.
12) Perfectionism will kill you.
13) Life is not a race and there is no "timeline" for getting to certain milestones. It's not important that you reach them at such and such a time only that you reach them.
14) When someone shows you who they are believe them, People are consistent.
15) You can not "fix" people nor should you try.
16) Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has them, not everyone wants to get a whiff of yours so keep it to yourself unless asked. If asked temper it with tolerance and understanding.
17) NO is just as powerful as Yes. Learn to use them appropriatly.
18) Stay away from JOHNATHAN TALL!!! he will ruin your life both spiritually and emotionally.
19) It's ok to like video games, comic books, dressing up in costumes, playing pretend, reading, and being an all around geek. It does not make you better or worse than anyone else.
20) Don't be so quick to cut people out of your life.
21) Letting go of control is liberating. Try it!!!
As this birthday looms larger than life for me this year with my oldest biological son entering Kindergarten and my bonus daughter beginning her freshman year of high school I'm looking back at my younger, thinner, more stupid self and wishing I could give her some advice. Some things I'd like to go back and tell her, but knowing myself as well as I do, she wouldn't listen to me anyway are listed below.
1) It's ok to fail. The world will not end if you screw up pursuing your dream as a writer and your family will not think less of you for doing so.
2)NO ONE looks good in Spandex, flourescent lighting, or too small clothes
3) Keep your wardrobe you'll be shocked at how quickly that fashion comes back around in your lifetime.
4) Just because you can get away with it doesn't mean you should.
5) 1 out of ever 3 people will not like you and that's OK
6) You are not a weirdo, creepy, loser for keeping a journal but make sure you keep a lock on that thing!!
7) Save your money (conversly stay away from credit cards).
8)Go to counseling BEFORE you decide to get married
9) Move somewhere and learn to live alone, learn to enjoy living alone
10) Life isn't fair, it's usually not fair in your favor so quite whining about it.
11) When someone says "it could be worse" believe them.
12) Perfectionism will kill you.
13) Life is not a race and there is no "timeline" for getting to certain milestones. It's not important that you reach them at such and such a time only that you reach them.
14) When someone shows you who they are believe them, People are consistent.
15) You can not "fix" people nor should you try.
16) Opinions are like buttholes, everyone has them, not everyone wants to get a whiff of yours so keep it to yourself unless asked. If asked temper it with tolerance and understanding.
17) NO is just as powerful as Yes. Learn to use them appropriatly.
18) Stay away from JOHNATHAN TALL!!! he will ruin your life both spiritually and emotionally.
19) It's ok to like video games, comic books, dressing up in costumes, playing pretend, reading, and being an all around geek. It does not make you better or worse than anyone else.
20) Don't be so quick to cut people out of your life.
21) Letting go of control is liberating. Try it!!!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
My whole life has been one fight after another. I am the middle child of seven so I had to fight to be heard, fight to be seen, fight to be acknowledged, I had to fight to survive in a house full of women and one boy. When I went to college I thought I wouldn't have to fight anymore but the battles were still there the only ting that had changed was the geography. In relationships I had to fight to be respected, honored, understood, accepted. I had to fight to make good grades and balance my social life with my academic one. Go too far either way and you risk losing the battle of obtaining a well rounded education. As a christian I've had to fight against the prejudice and mockery that often comes from choosing that religion. I had to fight against labels like Jesus Freak, bible thumper, holy roller, and religious nut job. The outside world is fraught with danger on all sides. Even inside a church there are labels and gossip and popularity contests. I know that may shock some non church goers but more often than not church is just high school with more traditions to be observed. I'm not an 'Individual", I"m not a socialist, or a Marxist. I don't believe its the governments job to take care of me or mine and I don't expect them to solve the countries, or the worlds, problems. I don't fit into any standard category and I don't judge those that do.
In my youth I believed in fairness and justice and the American Way. I'm older now and I'm the veteran of many of life's battles. I'm still young only in my 30's and I know this life has more pain and suffering to teach me, I know there are more battles to fight, I also know that nothing is black and white, the white knight does not exist in our physical world and life is messy and complicated like all battlefields are. Yet I find myself wondering what happens to a soldier when he's too tired to march? What happens to the warrior that's to old or too tired to pick up his sword one more time, what happens when the fighting ends? Where do we battle hardened survivors end up? Do we wash up on some sad lonely shore? Do we go on fighting so long that we forget how to enjoy peace and do we even recognize it when it comes? When you've held that sword and shield so long that it's become a part of you, ingrained in everything you do so much so that it's no longer habit it just is how do you learn to let go, put down your weapons, step away from the carnage and the gore and just rest?
How do you stop fighting, and just be? God says "Be still, and know that I am God". Does this mean we don't have to fight? Does this mean that we can lay down our weapons, step aside, and let God do all the rest? How does one BE STILL when ones entire life has been action and reaction?
I don't know the answers some days I don't want to know and other days the puzzle seems to complicated to bother with. I wonder why God gave me a spirit of fire and then made me a woman. I don't know how to bend or capitulate. I don't understand the mentality of a victim. I don't understand how some people seem to enjoy being a victim. I seem to be incapable of pasively letting things happen to me. Is this the mentality of a fighter, a survivor, or someone who is just too scared to Be Still? It's hard for me to depend on others, to trust others, or in some cases to put up with others. I am by nature a quality over quantity person. I keep very few close friends and I enjoy mass quantities of time alone. I am not and never will be a social butterfly because society as a whole confuses and confounds me. I may never understand myself fully and I think i'm ok with that. Questions keep us nimble and quick two skills needed to survive. I can count on one hand the number of people I consider best friends.
Laurie my oldest and closest friend. She was there with and for me through the hell fires of junior high and high school. We stood back to back against the perils of young adulthood and the pitfalls of marriage. Now we share the adventure of motherhood. She is my sister born in the fires of adolescent and tempered through the years of adulthood. No matter how much time passes between visits it is always as if no time has gone at all. She will be the friend that buries me at the end and that tells my children tales of our youth together. She will be the one that always keeps my secrets safe and my accomplishments public.
Rolsa who played high school basketball with me in Wendover and carpooled with me to Jackpot for school and back again. She was the first of us to get her license and she has the heart of gold that Laurie and I lack. If Laurie is fire Rolsa is water. She is cool and calm in the face of strife. She keeps us level headed and our feet on the ground. Rolsa is our warrior monk who reminds us that life is short and precious and should be cherished. She is the last to lose her temper and the first to offer peace. She is the caretaker for her family and she embodies the spirit of hearth and home. Don't ever mistake Rolsa for a shallow pond because still waters run deep and when the wind of her ire is unleashed she is a gale force on the open ocean. Sweet, gentle, loving, caring Rolsa who always reminds me that fire is extinguished by water.
For a long time we were a band of three. Sisters not by blood but by Gods design. Each of us different from the other. Each of us strong where the other was weak and always there to lend our strength to the other when needed. That was until recently when I met Roxanne. I never imagined I'd find a sister in arms in St.Louis. I was resigned to my long distance friendships and content with the many mothers I had met through the mommy board. Then one night at an MNO (moms night out) I met Roxanne. At first I didn't really notice her. She wasn't loud, she wasn't rude, or a drama queen or any of those things that usually make a person stick out. I was there to have fun, mingle with the new moms and try to spend a little time with everyone. I wasn't looking for a fast friend. I wasn't LOOKING and that was the problem. God must have sighed in exasperation at me that night because he gave me another opportunity, another chance, to see the person he had put before me. Thankfully I wasn't a fool twice and I did notice her. I talked to her, I texted her and met her, and hung out with her. I can't tell you for sure how she came to be friend, I think the best friendships are often the ones where they seem to just always have been, no beginning and no end. All I can say is that she is there. Roxanne is has become the air that feeds the fire and gives it life. If your blessed to be her friend she will never desert you. She will listen without judgement, She will give you an ear or two if you need it. Roxanne is constant, steady, and no matter where in this wide world she finds herself she will always find time for the ones she keeps close.
Now we are a band of four. We have each other near and far to cry with, laugh with, rage with. I always liked the number four.
I am a fighter, I am a survivor, and while I may not ever understand anything else about myself than this I know that I do not fight alone. I have my sisters in arms. I have God throughout and at the end.
Where do warriors go when the fighting is at an end? Maybe they just go to their friends and spend their golden years reliving the battles of their youth.
In my youth I believed in fairness and justice and the American Way. I'm older now and I'm the veteran of many of life's battles. I'm still young only in my 30's and I know this life has more pain and suffering to teach me, I know there are more battles to fight, I also know that nothing is black and white, the white knight does not exist in our physical world and life is messy and complicated like all battlefields are. Yet I find myself wondering what happens to a soldier when he's too tired to march? What happens to the warrior that's to old or too tired to pick up his sword one more time, what happens when the fighting ends? Where do we battle hardened survivors end up? Do we wash up on some sad lonely shore? Do we go on fighting so long that we forget how to enjoy peace and do we even recognize it when it comes? When you've held that sword and shield so long that it's become a part of you, ingrained in everything you do so much so that it's no longer habit it just is how do you learn to let go, put down your weapons, step away from the carnage and the gore and just rest?
How do you stop fighting, and just be? God says "Be still, and know that I am God". Does this mean we don't have to fight? Does this mean that we can lay down our weapons, step aside, and let God do all the rest? How does one BE STILL when ones entire life has been action and reaction?
I don't know the answers some days I don't want to know and other days the puzzle seems to complicated to bother with. I wonder why God gave me a spirit of fire and then made me a woman. I don't know how to bend or capitulate. I don't understand the mentality of a victim. I don't understand how some people seem to enjoy being a victim. I seem to be incapable of pasively letting things happen to me. Is this the mentality of a fighter, a survivor, or someone who is just too scared to Be Still? It's hard for me to depend on others, to trust others, or in some cases to put up with others. I am by nature a quality over quantity person. I keep very few close friends and I enjoy mass quantities of time alone. I am not and never will be a social butterfly because society as a whole confuses and confounds me. I may never understand myself fully and I think i'm ok with that. Questions keep us nimble and quick two skills needed to survive. I can count on one hand the number of people I consider best friends.
Laurie my oldest and closest friend. She was there with and for me through the hell fires of junior high and high school. We stood back to back against the perils of young adulthood and the pitfalls of marriage. Now we share the adventure of motherhood. She is my sister born in the fires of adolescent and tempered through the years of adulthood. No matter how much time passes between visits it is always as if no time has gone at all. She will be the friend that buries me at the end and that tells my children tales of our youth together. She will be the one that always keeps my secrets safe and my accomplishments public.
Rolsa who played high school basketball with me in Wendover and carpooled with me to Jackpot for school and back again. She was the first of us to get her license and she has the heart of gold that Laurie and I lack. If Laurie is fire Rolsa is water. She is cool and calm in the face of strife. She keeps us level headed and our feet on the ground. Rolsa is our warrior monk who reminds us that life is short and precious and should be cherished. She is the last to lose her temper and the first to offer peace. She is the caretaker for her family and she embodies the spirit of hearth and home. Don't ever mistake Rolsa for a shallow pond because still waters run deep and when the wind of her ire is unleashed she is a gale force on the open ocean. Sweet, gentle, loving, caring Rolsa who always reminds me that fire is extinguished by water.
For a long time we were a band of three. Sisters not by blood but by Gods design. Each of us different from the other. Each of us strong where the other was weak and always there to lend our strength to the other when needed. That was until recently when I met Roxanne. I never imagined I'd find a sister in arms in St.Louis. I was resigned to my long distance friendships and content with the many mothers I had met through the mommy board. Then one night at an MNO (moms night out) I met Roxanne. At first I didn't really notice her. She wasn't loud, she wasn't rude, or a drama queen or any of those things that usually make a person stick out. I was there to have fun, mingle with the new moms and try to spend a little time with everyone. I wasn't looking for a fast friend. I wasn't LOOKING and that was the problem. God must have sighed in exasperation at me that night because he gave me another opportunity, another chance, to see the person he had put before me. Thankfully I wasn't a fool twice and I did notice her. I talked to her, I texted her and met her, and hung out with her. I can't tell you for sure how she came to be friend, I think the best friendships are often the ones where they seem to just always have been, no beginning and no end. All I can say is that she is there. Roxanne is has become the air that feeds the fire and gives it life. If your blessed to be her friend she will never desert you. She will listen without judgement, She will give you an ear or two if you need it. Roxanne is constant, steady, and no matter where in this wide world she finds herself she will always find time for the ones she keeps close.
Now we are a band of four. We have each other near and far to cry with, laugh with, rage with. I always liked the number four.
I am a fighter, I am a survivor, and while I may not ever understand anything else about myself than this I know that I do not fight alone. I have my sisters in arms. I have God throughout and at the end.
Where do warriors go when the fighting is at an end? Maybe they just go to their friends and spend their golden years reliving the battles of their youth.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Techno-Wasted
After starting my foodie blog femmefoodiefatale.blogspot.com and working with that editor on the pages i've already got and adding to those pages with transitoinal scenes plus searching the internet for new recipes to try for aformentioned new blog i'm techno-wasted! That's right I'm done for a while. I may not make my June 30th deadline beacause the idea of sitting in front of any form of electronic device just about makes me want to vomit in a technology hangover. I need a break from all things that plug in, turn on, light up, or otherwise connect me in any way other than real life.
I made a list of all the technological thingies that i'm plugged into and realized i'm a technoholic! The online mommy forum, Facebook, Blogspot, Stumbleupon, and the many many many recipe websites and blogs that I read not to mention the online comics!!! It's a wonder I get anything done in my day at all.
Hence forth I will be WORKING more and stumbling, facebooking, and mommy foruming (is that even a word?) less. I need to FOCUS. I think maybe I might be afraid of success because everytime I get close to succeeding my focus scatters and I just quit. I'm determined not to quit. At this point even if the story turns out to be total shite at least I can say I finished it!!!
So now it's time to get writer wasted and join the 12 step program to get unplugged.
I made a list of all the technological thingies that i'm plugged into and realized i'm a technoholic! The online mommy forum, Facebook, Blogspot, Stumbleupon, and the many many many recipe websites and blogs that I read not to mention the online comics!!! It's a wonder I get anything done in my day at all.
Hence forth I will be WORKING more and stumbling, facebooking, and mommy foruming (is that even a word?) less. I need to FOCUS. I think maybe I might be afraid of success because everytime I get close to succeeding my focus scatters and I just quit. I'm determined not to quit. At this point even if the story turns out to be total shite at least I can say I finished it!!!
So now it's time to get writer wasted and join the 12 step program to get unplugged.
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