This is a weird feeling

So at lunch today I was relating to my girlfriend Mary that this weekend was sooo wierd. It's like I got all this bad news it seemed like everyday and yet none of it ruined my peaceful weekend with the boys. I got so much done in the house..i finally folded and ironed and put away a ton of clothes, course there's still a ton more waiting for me, I got the book club book finally read and I just hung out with my boys. We went to the Aquaport on Friday night, stayed home Saturday and had movie night, went to church and the movies on Sunday, and to Sara and Carsons house for swimming on Monday. It was so nice to not have any pressing plans, no feeling of rushing here or there just floating along and letting life happens as it happens. I was even able to be friendly with Phillip and him and I managed to find a way to be more than civil. It almost seems that now that I expect nothing from him he doesn't annoy, upset, or bother me anymore. This taking a backseat to my own life and letting God do everything is a nice change of pace from the stressed out crazy lady I was becoming. Of course having order and space in my house has done a lot for my own mental health as well.
My mom called and told me that my Papa has cancer, ok that upset me but still it didn't disturb my calm, I am worried about my Papa he is old and already sick he can't undergo chemo. because he would't survive it..yet he can't be put under for surgery for the same reason. It's a very weird feeling to be faced with the mortality of someone that has played such a HUGE role in my life. My Papa has always been the most positive male role model I've ever had. He has lived a life that is so full of experience and stories it almost seems as if someone should write a biography about HIM..lol. He is one of those people that was not only physically imposing, he stood a towering 6'8, but was also a person that lived his life by his own rules and everyone else be damned. He was a technicolor wonder of a human being and even though I realize that he is old and his body has been failing him for years I can't help but wonder how that giant hole in my life will be filled when he is gone. I am so blessed that my boys have gotten to know thier great grandfather and that he has been such a large part of who and what I am I am praying and hoping that we get a few more good months of him with us so that my boys and I can make a trip back home to visit him and spend what precisous little time we may have with him. My Papa was always fond of telling me that time is a slippery, tricky, devil and you know what happens when you make deals with the devil.